Now you’re in New York…

A large package arrived by special delivery today. As I wasn’t expecting anything I signed quickly; eager to rip it open. One tear of the packaging revealed a thing of beauty. 


Someone utterly wonderful got their hands on my absolute favourite thing. A rare pair of Irregular Choice. I have wanted these particular shoes for years, but have never been able to get my hands on a pair. Behold, the wonder shoes.



They are perfect. Their perfection is only slightly marred by me pushing my swollen feet into them. When my tootsies & ankles return to their regular size I’ll give them a proper debut. In the mean time I’ll just keep peering into the box to admire my NYC babies. 

Penis Envy…

Continuing with my plan to share some writing from archives I give you this. Something tongue in cheek & a little bit dirty that I wrote many years ago. Have a happy weekend. 
This is perhaps a little crude, but I refuse to believe I am the only person to ever feel this way. Others must have the same longing.
There comes a point in a break up when you know you are going to be ok. You suddenly realise, I can get over this amazing man. It will take time, but I know I’ll get there.
I’m just not sure that I can get over his dick. It’s wonderful; really, truly gorgeous. It is everything I want from a dick.
Big.
Oh, I know, size isn’t supposed to be important, but I like a big dick. Not insanely big, just big enough to cause a little gasp when you first see it.
Perfectly proportioned.
Smooth.
Inviting.
Fuck it, just nice. You get the picture.
I miss it. Of course I miss him, the man attached is more important, but I believe I can move on.
He might not have been the right man, but he certainly has the right penis. I may never meet another one like it. It did all the right things. We’re always being advised to invest in quality. Be it materials, ingredients or equipment. Surely this advice stands for cock. Let’s face it, sex was unlikely to go wrong with that in his pants.
I am sad that I probably won’t ever see it’s full glory again. I feel I should be allowed one last goodbye. Or perhaps, visitation.
Can you get penis access?
Dick alimony?
I realise this may seem shallow, but it brought joy to my life. That cock made me feel great. It hardly seems fair that I should be heart broken and deprived of my favourite pleasure source. I’m really quite upset about this. Some other woman might end up with my dick.
I wonder if I should raise my concerns with him (the man, I don’t talk to the penis) or just hire a lawyer? I could set a precedent.

On the plus side…

Fatigue is getting the best of me this week. I am out of spoons, but I don’t want to be out of words on this blog. Hence, I wil be sharing some short pieces I have written for other publications. I hope you find them as absorbing as my usual content.
First up a piece on how body shaming & fat stigma makes plus size infertility an even bigger challenge.
Infertility is  heart breaking affair for anyone who wants to have a child. With the NHS now reporting that 1 in 7 couples have difficulty conceiving, infertility is more common that we realise. Thankfully most people in UK will be able to access fertility treatment via the NHS. However, some people are not deemed suitable for treatment. One of the groups who may be denied access are those categorised as clinically obese.
Women with a BMI over 30 are routinely refused fertility treatment. Drs advise them lose weight before they can be referred to a specialist. There are a number of issues with this policy and some  are tied in with the way society as a whole views fat people. Let’s begin with index used to measure if a person is obese. Body Mass Index (BMI) has been widely discredited. The index has a number of problems including the fact that BMI does not differentiate between muscle & fat. Hence, people who are fit & have healthy body fat can be classified as obese. Another issue is that BMI does not recognise difference in body shape. It is well established that those who carry their weight around the middle (sometimes known as apple shaped) are at much higher risk of health complications than those who carry excess fat around their hips (pear shaped) [1].Thus women with very different shapes & risk factors can be labelled with the same BMI. Perhaps the biggest failing is that BMI  does not always change with lifestyle alterations. A person may make significant changes to their health without necessarily losing large amounts of weight. Partaking in regular exercise and switching to a healthy (but not calorie focused) diet will have a huge impact of a person’s wellbeing. Sadly, BMI would not recognise these positive changes unless there is also weight loss. This can put women in the position of focusing on how much they weigh rather than how healthy their lifestyle is.
Of course, there are also questions to be asked outside the clinical failings of BMI. It is important to note that there is no official policy on women who are under weight. Despite the fact that being too thin can have a bigger impact on a woman’s fertility than being too big. The medical community appear to jump to the conclusion that fat is always bad. A notion that is reflected in society & that causes plus sized women to face wide spread discrimination. It is estimated that half of pregnancies in the UK have obese mothers. Yet studies show that only 5% of admissions to neonatal units and 4% of preterm births could be avoided if all pregnant women had a ‘normal’ BMI at the start of pregnancy [2].The implications is clear, overweight woman are regularly having healthy pregnancies & deliveries. Still the overwhelming message from the medical community is that obese women automatically have  high risk pregnancies.
The most worrying part of this protocol is that women are often not even referred to a fertility specialist until the capitulate on the weight loss issue. This means that women who have specific medical problems interfering with conception are forced to delay interventions that could solve their problems. The bottom line is that women who are classified as obese get a raw deal. Underlying prejudices seem to be making an already distressing issue much harder of plus size women. Infertility can make women feel powerless and incompetent. When you are fat, those feelings are increased by the prevailing impression that your weight is to blame.
1 Mayo Clinic
2 Public Health England, Maternity obesity and pregnancy outcomes.

‘Cos it’s raining….

I’ve been waiting to do my summer Wishlist for a while. I kept hoping summer would come back.  As it’s now July, i’ve resigned myself to the fact that the sun has left me for good. 

For my Scottish summer picks I’m going for light fabrics that can be easily layered. So, lots of dresses, soft shirts & the occasional piece to fancy things up. I have also slipt in some items that I want for my next Australia trip. Brisbane never lets me down on the heat factor. 


Asos Curve, Club L Lounge.


Club L Lounge, Yours.

Yes, that is a dress with a hood; come to Mama. This season I seem to attracted to neutral & bright tones in equal measures. Fabric wise the concensus is tactile & super soft. 


Forever21, Lindy Bop, Simply Be.


Club L Lounge, Asos Curve, Simply Be. 

I’m loving splits & dip hems. Leggings are of course an essential when it might be really nippy outside. As always I will be playing with retro & contemporay styles. I have been desperately seeking a pretty bralet that can handle my boobs & I’m hoping this is the one. I’m thinking in Brisbane I can rock this on it’s own & here layer under a sheer shirt. 


Monsoon, Forever21, New Look. 


Irregular Choice, Asos Curve, Asos Curve. 

Florals & hippy chick lace spell out summer to me. I really can’t wait to get to Oz to float around with my Muffin in these. 


M&S, Alice & You. 


Simply Be, Forever21. 


Asos Curve, Club L Lounge.


New Look, Asos Curve, Converse.

Yellow converse will add a pop to any outfit. As will the caged bra lingerie. I love the bondage light look, it’s always fun when your underwear can double as outerwear!

There you have it. My most desired items for this summer. Now it’s time to get buying. Look out for which pieces make it into my body. 

Oh & I have a new pink lipstick & a pretty rose gold nose ring. Aren’t I a lucky girl?

We’re going to need a bigger boat…..

I may not be American, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to rock July 4th weekend. Obviously the best place to be is Amity island; or at least Troon’s version of it. 

On Saturday night I went to my first ever drive in movie. As it was located right by the sea, Jaws was the clear film choice. Before the movie we snapped some pics in the mini Amity that ItIsOn had created. Then my night was made by taking a ride on an old fashion Ferris wheel. I love Ferris wheels. This one was extra special because of the amazing sea view. I’ll be honest I was as excited as a little kid. 


The movie itself was great. I jumped & screamed as much as the first time I saw it. Scariest moment was definitely when my sis accidentally hit my window button & I nearly pee’d my pants. I honestly thought a shark was coming in the window!  Hanging at the drive in was a great Saturday night. 

As is my want I had a little fun with my Jaws themed outfit. I totally love this Quint’s shark fishing t-shirt & went a little sharky on my nails too. 

T-Shirt – Gift

Skirt – Forever21

Duster – New Look

‘Cos every inch of you is perfect….

On my way to Dublin last week something happened that not so long ago would have been a massive issue for me. The fact that it didn’t really phase me proved to me how far I’ve come. 

The incident was an airplane seat belt that didn’t fit. This is something that I actually used to fear. A while back every time I boarded a plane I braced myself for the humiliation of being too fat to fit. It turned out to be no big deal. I had a brief moment of panic, my thoughts raced through all the seat belts that had fitted & how big I was then. Then it dawned on me that I didn’t care. It didn’t matter if I was bigger or this particular seat belt was smaller. It just didn’t fit & there was an easy rememdy for that. I asked for an extender & stopped thinking about. 

Until yesterday when it dawned on me what that meant. I wasn’t embarassed to ask for the extender meaning I wasn’t ashamed to acknowledge my fat body. That is incredible. Being a part of the body positivity community has led me to a place where I can genuinely appreciate my body. Once I realised that I started thinking about all the little things that marked real progress. 

It recently occurred to me that I had gained some weight on my bum. The marvellous part was I liked it. I’ve found myself dressing to show off my bigger arse &  I am so chuffed about that. 


Then on Saturday as I was dressing I automatically tucked my top into my skirt. Not a very momentous act except that I spent years of my life ensuring that my top always covered my stomach. I was that person tugging at my clothes to ensure I was hiding flabby bits. Now I just wear what I feel nice in & here’s the kicker, I look better tucked in or in clingy vests. 


Along the same lines whilst out with my sister I asked her to take blog photos. I am usually a pain the arse about pictures. Never happy with who I look, probably because I wasn’t happy with my body. In the past I have ducked out of pictures at big events & special moments, which  I’ve come to regret. So, in recent times I have made a conscious effort to push through my discomfort & mark significant times. I was however still dissatisfied with my appearance in the photographs. This weekend was different. My sister snapped pics of me in various poses & I loved them all. Break through!

The last and probably most obvious symbol of acceptance of myself is how comfortable I am naked. I run about my house in the buff all the time. I look at myself in a full length mirror whilst I dry my hair and I do not feel critical. I have no desire to hide. I notice the parts of my body that look amazing rather than hating my stomach or chubby arms. This carries through to being naked with others. I no longer feel worried about comparisons when changing with female friends. In the same vein I confidently show my body to anyone I get jiggy with. 

This may strike a lot of people as unremarkable, but it’s a life changing shift. Immersing myself in the body positive has helped me alter how I think & feel about my body. I’ve gone from yo yo dieting, disordered eating & choosing clothes to specfically hide ‘problem’ areas to being a woman who no longer believes there are any bad body parts. I like me. I like my curves, my wobbly bits & everything else. Body positivity works. Women supporting & encouraging each other moves mountains. So, I owe a big thank you to all of you who read, comment & create fat friendly content. High five, ladies, we’re changing the world. 

Dirty Old Town….

This week I treated myself to a little Irish adventure. Accompanied by Mum and sister I paid Dublin a flying visit. So, what did 3 Scottish ‘girls’ get up to on the emerald isle? Give me a minute and i’ll tell you all about it.

First stop was of course the GPO on O’Connell St. The building itself is impressive, it’s history even more so. The beautiful structure that housed the birth of modern Ireland still bears the bullet holes. I failed completely to get any decent pictures of the landmark due the sheer volume of people attempting to do the very same thing. In lieu of that I offer you a glimpse of the attractive clock the GPO is adorned with.

IMG_3867

A few feet from the historic landmark stands the Monument of Light (An Tur Solais). The stainless steel sculpture is 398ft high & believe me, it’s an arresting sight. If you stand directly below it up look up, which is exactly what I did, it appears to go on forever. I’m a fan of the juxtaposition of traditional architecture & striking modern art. I highly recommend admiring Dublin’s Spire from the cover of the GPO’s pillared frontage. 

Next we cruised through Georgian Dublin on our way to Trinity College. I have long admired the library at trinity. The prospect of floor to ceiling tomes tickled my book loving fancy. The Longroom is that rare gem that exceeds expectations. I was in awe from my first step into the room. The steep spiral staircases, dark shiny wood, Latin & that unmistakeable book smell were intoxicating. I had found my spiritual home. If it weren’t for all the annoying tourists I would have been in heaven.

Dublin is packed with grand buildings, cool fountains & pretty things that catch your eye. 



The Irish charm flows across the Liffey with an array of bridges. Be they an 80million state of the art construct or the iconic ha’penny bridge. My personal favourite was adorned with horse mermaids. Yes, I said horse mermaids. 

Mum really wanted to visit St Patrick’s cathedral & we of course obliged her. I’ve never caught religion so allowed my Lauren to join her on the tour whilst I admired the floor in the gift shop.


From St Patrick’s we strolled past the Christ Church & headed to perhaps Dublin’s most famous spot, Temple Bar. Temple Bar is exactly as you would expect it to be; vibrant & cool. The streets are packed with street art, funky eateries & of course lots of pubs. 

Mum was lured into THE Temple Bar by the strains of live music. Dublin pubs are much like its people; friendly & boisterous. The Temple Bar was no different. The place was packed & the music (Wild Rover & other familiar tunes) was loud. It also afforded me the rare opportunity of taking a pub selfie with my tee total mum. 




Dublin was a joy. It was just what I needed to perk me up. Watch out Ireland, I’ll be back.