Things I can’t believe I have to say again… Part 1

It may be a little over optimistic to say that summer is in the way, but I think I can at least say that winter is over. Whilst I can’t wait to enjoy more lazy days in the sun, hot days always give me a moments pause.

The reason for my second guessing is our old friend shame. As much as strive I to love my body there are still so many people who’d rather I didn’t. My body does not fit societal standards of beauty. Scrap that, I don’t even fit societal standards of normal. The fact that I refuse to hide my fat, scarred flesh rocks the normality boat even more vigorously.

It has taken me years to be able to celebrate my form. My ability to wear whatever I please & shed layers in the heat is a hard win victory. I won’t lie I often still have to steel myself to step outside in a vest. Not because I feel ashamed of my a scars or my past or flab or peely wally complexion, but because there are tonnes of folk who really, really want me to.

Staring is a given. Staring combined with nudging a mate & directing them to also have a gawk is also fairly frequent. Less common, but still occuring more than you would think is the person who thinks they should actually comment on my body. Oh & I give them so much to work with. Strangers just love to get angry, sad, concerned and curious about my body. Sometimes I can just shrug that off. Often I will snark back & think these strangers pathetic. However, there are times when for whatever reason, I’m just not up for the judgement of unknown members of the general public. Their stares, nudges & comments ruin my day. I do momentarily feel ashamed and scared and like I should never leave the house again. And, my friends, is not ok.

So, here’s a little advice.

OTHER PEOPLE’S BODIES ARE NOT YOUR BUSINESS.

Your thoughts on other people’s appearance are not important. Strangers do not want to hear them. Your moral judgements are your problem, don’t make them anyone else’s. Likewise your hang ups.

STARING IS RUDE.

Always. There are no excuses. If you find yourself accidentally staring, stop. If you see someone you think looks weird, bad, crazy just remember plenty of people find your visuals unappetising too. Oh & don’t oggle them.

In short, don’t be that person. Don’t be the one who spoils someone’s lovely summer day. You do you & let the rest of world do them.

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Baby it’s you…

I had a baby shower to attend yesterday & no idea what to wear. Luckily the sun finally put his hat on allowing me to peruse the summery side of wardrobe & find something suitable.

I opted for this cute skirt I got at the end of last summer & only got to wear once. I’m not really a ruffle fan, but I love the asymmetric placement on this skirt. I also love the stripes. It feels so fresh & perfect for a sunny day.

Skirt – Asos Curve

Sandals – Hotter Shoes

I struggled to find the perfect present for the shower too. So, I decided to just buy a cute basket & fill it with lovely baby things. M&S are killing it on the cute baby clothes this season. I have so many little ones in my life that I’ll end up penniless if I don’t stop checking out the kid’s department. The shower was lovely. The Toyboy’s sister looked beautiful & I think everyone appreciated the sun coming out. Oh & if anyone needs a nappy changed in the dark, I’m your girl; I managed to do it perfectly whilst blindfolded.

I didn’t want to waste a minute of glorious sunshine, so after the shower the Toyboy & I hit a local pub. Beer garden, fruity cider & yummy dinner as we watched the sunset was the perfect close to the day. My instinct to soak up those rays was correct, it’s raining today. Scottish weather is nothing if not varied.

You are home…

They say you should never meet your heroes, but increasingly it seems like you probably shouldn’t even read the interviews they give. If Jessica Fletcher isn’t giving sexual harassment the ok, then Stephen fry is telling abuse victims to get over it. I’m running out of favourites. Then there’s the ultimate let down king, Morrissey. That racist old bastard just will not keep his mouth shut.

Let’s face it, it would probably have been better if he’d just had the grace to die young. Then at least we could still enjoy the old tunes. I’m gutted that Morrissey has ended up an ignorant, xenophobic knobber. I have long adored his music & of course his veganism. Now he’s just an embarrassment to the cause & a generally revolting person. What’s worse is what his latest outburst is part of. Namely a pervasive anti immigrant sentiment that has grown in strength since the brexit referendum. An atmosphere of hostility that has emboldened racists throughout the uk. Who can be surprised when our actual government is engaged in it’s own vile immigrant purge.

The Windrush scandal has been increasing my nausea this week. If you’re not familiar with the details, the jist is that our government is deporting people who have lived in the UK for most of their lives ( in many cases over 50yrs) despite the fact that they have a legal right to continue here. The Windrush generation came to the UK in the aftermath of WW2 to fill labour shortages & help rebuild the country. Anyone who arrived before 1973 from a commonwealth country was granted indefinite leave to remain. These are people who have lived in the UK longer than they resided in their countries of birth. They have built lives & families here. Paid taxes & contributed to society. Disregarding all of this our government is demanding they provide extensive & often impossible to find evidence of their arrival date, plus continued residence in the uk. A task made even more difficult by the home office destroying landing cards even though they were warned by staff that it may be the only recorded evidence of some people’s arrival date.

It is despicable that the conservative government’s anti immigration agenda has caused the deportation (or threat of it ) to people who have a right to live in the place they call home. It is unconscionable that elderly people should be separated from their families & sent to countries they no longer know. If you are as disgusted as I am please sign this petition calling for the government to stop all deportations, change the burden of proof & establish an amnesty for anyone who was a minor at time of entry.

The Windrush generation were invited to UK because we needed their help to rebuild our country. Similarly many immigrants today hold positions that keep the UK running. We cannot do without them. Immigrants are not a burden, they contribute far more to our economy than they take. Beyond that they have given the UK a rich multi cultural society that we should cherish. I recently overheard someone say that an immigrant is just a person who used to be somewhere else. When put like that you cannot help but see how ridiculous all this hate is.

** this amazing tote is currently sold out, but you can order here.

The bigger, the better…

I’ve had a busy week. My days have been shared between being sick as a dog and being blissfully happy. Ideally I’d have forgone the first few days of stomach misbehaviour, but a few days glorious days with my tiniest nephew definitely made up for it. Anyway, both kept me busy & left me short on blogging time. Thus, I give you, another quickie.

This week I’m shouting about statement earrings. I have a bunch of ear piercings and vacillate between loving & neglecting my earring collection. I am very much on an oversized kick at the moment. If it’s dangly, chunky or brightly coloured I’m into to it. I feel so much more dressed up when I hook a giant decoration on my ear.

The only trouble I’m having is finding designs that everyone doesn’t have. As much as I love those big tassel earrings, they are just everywhere. Regular readers may have noticed that I like to put my own twist on things. Luckily for me I managed to find these beauties without breaking the bank.

Oh & yes that is another sneaky Nyx purchase. I can’t resist their liquid suede range, especially when the shade perfectly matches my nails.

Earrings – Primark

Lipstick shade – Orange County

Don’t worry, my arse…

I worry. Quite a lot actually. I stress over things great, small & possibly non existent. I probably worry much more than is either necessary or prudent. That’s the nature of worrying, though.

So, I while I confess to sometimes wishing I could turn off the worrying I find it incredibly frustrating when people suggest that is possible. There are of course strategies to deal with disquieting situations, merely deciding not to worry about it is not one of them.

I keep seeing this sort of thing offered as some kind of wisdom. This isn’t wise, it isn’t even sensible. It just displays an inability to understand what worry is. If it were possible for a person to decide no to worry, worry wouldn’t be a thing.

Obviously this is abelist. Anxiety is not always rational. Many people struggling with mental illness have spiralling worries. Ranging from the practical (money, employment, relationships) to the irrational & far reaching concerns that mental illness can bring. When you tell someone they can choose to stop, you’re kind of saying their anguish is their own fault. Advising a person to just stop worrying is as pointless as telling them to just not be ill.

Setting aside the ableism it’s still infuriatingly useless advice. Let me break it down,

Do you have a problem?

If I didn’t consider the issue a problem, I wouldn’t be concerned about it. So, yes, regardless of what an outsider might think, I clearly think it’s a problem.

Can you do something about it?

If I can, the solution must still be troubling or uncertain otherwise I wouldn’t be worrying.

If there is nothing I can do ignoring or pretending the issue doesn’t exist will not help me. Plus, lets me face it, if you are facing a problem that you cannot solve it’s unlikely that you can just magically forget it.

Saying this to someone in distress is unkind. It basically translates to I don’t care. Telling someone not to worry is not a suggestion of self care. It’s dismissive. Instead, perhaps try listening. Sometimes just saying it out loud can be helpful. If you can offer practical help, do. If you don’t know what someone needs, ask. A simple ‘what can I do’ can be so valuable. A little bit of time goes a long way.

Oxford town…

I keep thinking the weather is changing, dress really hopefully & then just freeze. This outfit was an example of that. It was really bright & fresh when I got dressed, but by the time I took these pics it felt icy. Taking my coat off to snap them did not feel good, but at least I look cute.

I love this swing skirt, but it’s too big & I keep forgetting until I put it on. I really need to have it taken in. Nevertheless, it looks good with this shell top & my fabulous new oxfords.

Oxfords – V Shoes

Skirt – Lindy Bop

Top – New Look

Blue eyeliner & space buns helped perk up my fatigued head. A pop of pink lippie & awesome nails never do any harm either.

I’m so fancy…

I have been plagued with another bout of hardcore insomnia & my mood has taken a little tumble in general. I’ve been fed up & feeling pissed of with world, which is not my beautiful life. So, I decided to take affirmative action & book myself a little bit of fancy.

Grand Central Hotel, Glasgow

There was a distinct lack of planning & I was trying to do last minute booking for a holiday weekend. Thus, it become more of a grab what you can than select your perfection. I did well, regardless. I secured the historic & fairly recently renovated Grand Central Hotel. We had plans for Sunday night so properly getting away wasn’t an option, but I was determined to be a luxury bitch even if I was doing it in my hometown.

If you feel kind of blah spending some time in a fancy hotel is good medicine.If you have a silly man to accompany you, the resulting carry on will perk you right up. Grand central gets points for massive bathroom, impressive staircase & general, well, grandness. The Toyboy gets points for remembering to get me an easter treat, drunken nonsense & carrying heavy bags.

Staircase chandelier

ly h Kerr

ly h Kerr

On Sunday night we nipped over to Inn Deep for some drinks & culture. Overheard in the Westend was an elective mix of live music, comedy & spoken word. The venue was perfectly suited for the event & the acts were top class. I highly recommend you keep an eye out for upcoming happenings. Also, Inn Deep do vegan bar snack, big thumbs up!

Project post it, Glasgow

Suitably inebriated we returned to the Victorian splendour of our hotel & enjoyed our huge bed. I am big proponent of just treating yourself. Waiting for other people to fulfil your needs (or wants) is a fool’s errand. If you have the means to make yourself happy, do it! Whether that’s buying yourself flowers, cooking yourself a 5 star meal or indeed booking a fancy hotel. Don’t hope other people will satisfy your whims; please yourself & then anything else is a bonus.

ly h Kerr

Rested & full of hotel breakfast I sprung into the new week. Productivity lasted until around 7pm Tuesday night when my stomach decided to revolt. Spoonie life, eh?