Needles & pins…

Every now & again I get the urge to poke a hole in myself. My parents were pretty strict on the piercing front; I wasn’t allowed to get my ears pierced until I was 12. All through my early teens I wanted more piercings, but my Mum always said no. When she loosened the body mod reigns when I was around 16/17 I couldn’t wait to get going. I don’t think the pleasure of being able to do whatever I please with my body has ever worn off. Thus, at 37, I still find my self spontaneously deciding that today is the day to stick big needle somewhere.

Specifically, my nose. I already have a septum which I love. Today I felt that it would look even cuter if I added a little stud to my nostril. So, I did. And it does.

ly h Kerr

I had my piercing done at Central Piercing at Blancolo. I had my scaffold done here quite a few years ago, but they were as professional as I remembered. Everything was spotless. Fresh sterile needles etc were used. The piercer was friendly & efficiency. They did a thorough questionnaire before hand & give everyone a comprehensive after care leaflet (including healing time for your particular piercing). They even offer tonnes of piercings for the bargain price of £10. They get a big thumbs up from me.

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Dancing in the streets…

You know that thing when you just can’t be bothered, but you make yourself & you end up having good time? I did that yesterday. I finally got pain to a manageable level with temporary meds & some other interventions. I was still knackered & feeling pretty meh, though. I did my hair, painted my face & pushed myself out the door. What do you know? My city & my man made it worth my while.

ly h Kerr

The Toyboy wanted to hit some street markets/parties that were happening in the city centre. We started with Music Moments mini festival as we knew one of the bands playing (Dope Sick Fly). We enjoyed their set & TB partook of some cocktails in the piano bar before moving on. We made a quick dinner pit stop before checking out the many craft stalls in merchant city.

Project Post it at Music Moments Festival TriBeCa vegan burger

Our last stop of the day was the Electronic Glasgow street party. Comprised of tonnes of food stalls, DJ’s blasting 80’s dance & all the bars setting up outside on street. We were lucky to grab a table outside one my favourites, The Brunswick & had fun people watching. Glasgow folk are always entertaining. Even more so when fruity ciders are imbibed, the music is thumping & you’re in the company of a cutie.

Electronic Glasgow, Brunswick stCitation, Merchant City

I couldn’t find a thing to wear on Saturday, so ended up digging through the deepest darkest regions of my wardrobe. Hiding in the back was this beauty. I had completely forgotten I even had this dress. I’m very pleased to have rediscovered it because it makes me feel gorgeous.

ly h Kerr

For your babies…

I’m sitting on the sofa trying to be still because my baby nephew is asleep on my shoulder. He just shifted a little, gave a big sigh & squeezed my arm with his chubby fingers. I can feel his breath on my neck & smell his milky breath. I’m in heaven. This is as close to complete contentment as I get.

I’m exhausted. My back hurts. My knee is throbbing. Yet, I feel happy & at peace. Soon he’ll wake. At first he’ll be confused. He always wakes up suspicious, checking all around him. I think he forgets where he was when he fell asleep. Once he has his bearings his face will break into a big smile. He’ll look at me like he is utterly delighted to discover I am here & I’ll melt for the millionth time.

I feel the same swell of love with all niblings. At the weekend I listened in wonder as my 2yr old nephew sang me the whole alphabet. My heart almost burst as these two beautiful boys played together. Bigger cousin being so gentle with his smaller counterpart. Baba giggling & crawling, so eager to play with his best friend. Every new skill he masters is wonder. I still relish every time he says Auntie Lynsey. The pride & excitement never wears off.

Earlier I FaceTimed his big cousin. She’s 8 yrs old & nearly as tall as her Mum. I remember her being this size like it was yesterday. I’ve watched her grow & learn, loving every single stage. Gone is our baby girl. My Muffin now wants to share her thoughts on cubism & send me animated gifs representing how her day went. Her report card not only applauded her academic achievements, but noted how she goes out of her way to be kind. She’s incredible. They all are. My siblings make good babies.

I am so honoured to have the to opportunity to help mould these precious little lives. They bring me a joy that cannot be replicated. Every smile & giggle & kiss & ‘I love you’ make all my struggles seem void. It is easy to be overwhelmed by what I don’t have. Life is bloody hard, but it feels ridiculously easy when I cause a smile to light up their faces.

Perhaps the next best thing can be enough. You have to take your wins wherever you can find them.

Paint my mood…

I’m having a fairly lazy Sunday. My goal for today is to plan my week & get a little rest. I also planned to write up my week in pictures, but a quick review of my photo library revealed I haven’t done to report on. So, instead, I’m going to give a you wee look at my recent nail art.

ly h Kerr, yellow ombré nail art

Yellow Ombré

Models Own – Lemon Popsicle, Bikini, Beach Fire

Primark – Butterscotch

Nails Inc – Bright Ambition

Barry M – Plumpy Hi Shine

ly h Kerr grey & glitter nail art

Grey & Glitter

Primark – Shark Attack

Primark – Ice Chic

Barry M – Plumpy Hi Shine

ly h Kerr, fat feminist nail art

Fat Feminist

Barry M – Matte Waikiki

Nails Inc – Grosvenor Hill

Barry M – Plumpy Hi Shine

ly h Kerr, rainbow brights nail art

Rainbow Brights

Models Own – Bikini

Opi – Purple Pursuit

Primark – Precious Pink

Opi – My Gecko Does Tricks

Models Own – Beach Fire

Barry M – Plumpy Hi Shine

ly h Kerr fuck trump nail art

Fuck Trump

Barry M – Mint Green

Models Own – Beach Fire

Opi – Room for the Blues

Barry M – Black Forest

Barry M – Plumpy Hi Shine

ly h Kerr, silver roses nail art

Silver Roses

Barry M – Liquid Chrome, Rain On Me

Nails Inc – Tate

Nails Inc – Piccadilly Circus

Barry M – Plumpy Hi Shine

ly h Kerr pink stars & stripes nail art

Pink Stars & Stripes

Primark – Precious Pink

Nails Inc – Bling Baby, Victoria Gardens

Collection – Goldfinger

Barry M – Plumpy Hi Shine

Liquorice Allsorts

Barry M – Black Forest

Barry M – Yellow

Opi – Muppets Collection, Meep Meep

Opi – On the Runway

I do my own nails & I always recommend people give a try. Nail art like this is really not difficult. Invest in some fine brushes & set aside a little time to practice.

However, Bronan disapproves of all this nail painting as it interferes with his ear rubs.

Bronan Kerr

Shiny happy…

Sometimes a person needs a wee treat. This week has been one of those times. So, I’ve gone right ahead and picked up some bits to cheer myself up.

I’m always up for a new a nail polish. Barry M is definitely my favourite ‘drugstore’ brand. Their liquid chrome range is deliciously shiny & luxe. I can’t wait to get this silvery dream on my fingers. Keeping with the metallics I also grabbed a new highlighter. This Iced Bronze strobe cream is little more subtle than the Galactic I already have. It’s cute warmer tone is perfect for a summer glow.

Barry M strobe cream & chrome nail paint

ly h Kerr

My next treat was part of a successful sale haul. Snapping up bargains that you love is fab, but when everything fits & looks great; peak satisfaction. I wore this bandeau dress to lunch with bestie & her baba. It’s perfect for steamy hot days like today.

ly h Kerr

Dress – Asos Curve

Kimono – H&M

Finally I got an ingenious device that is seriously upping my eyeliner game. I am forever jealous of girls who can create banging winged looks. I’m useless with eyeliner beyond the basics. This clever little stamp is changing that. Now I can have killer wings in seconds. I can’t wait to experiment more.

Pink eyeliner stamp

Eyeliner Stamp – EBay

ly h Kerr

Small pleasures can help a tiny bit when you can’t fix the big issues. In times of trouble, I always recommend you treat yourself.

American idiot…

I included a picture of this outfit in a post a few weeks ago & I got few questions about it. So, thought I’d do a full outfit post on it. I call this look protest chic.

I was combining my Friday night out with an anti Trump protest. I wanted to look great whilst I used my voice for good. I was also dying to try out this amazing lace body suit.

ly h Kerr, Anti Trump rally, Glasgow

Bodysuit – Boohoo

Skirt – Lindy Bop

I’ve definitely gotten bolder with sheer fabrics this year. I think I used to be wary partly because I’m fat, but more so because I have huge breasts. Over the years I’ve absorbed a lot of negative messages about not showing too much in that area. I’ve always raged against the notion that if I wear a low cut top my boobs are fair game. I still felt like lots of styles were automatically off limits to someone of my (breast) size. I’m so glad I’ve pushed against those limits; I feel & look great in the new styles I’ve been trying.

ly h Kerr
ly h Kerr, close up

Sunglasses – Where.Light

Necklace – Fuck the Tories

Bra – Yours clothing

I like your spunk pin – Spunk Rock

I absolutely adore the look of this bodysuit, but it is a bit tricky to wear. It isn’t very long, so if you’re on the taller side it’s a fidgety one to get fastened. It’s also a bit of a faff to wear as I had to keep adjusting to keep my more bra than I wanted popping out. If you’re thinking of buying it, I’d recommend sizing up.

Do I wear you out?…

I’ve had another really bad week pain wise. It feels like I’m been having a lot of bad weeks recently and I’m tired. So very tired.

Life goes on, though. Nothing stops because I’m in pain. So, I try to keep on going too. It’s exhausting. Pain wears you out. Even before you attempt to do anything, just being in pain is tiring. I’m not sure that many people know that. You start the day fatigued. Every single task you perform from that point takes enormous effort. You’re fighting the pain and the growing exhaustion.

Drs will tell you to rest, but complete rest isn’t feasible for very many people. I can’t rely on or expect other people to take care of my life for me. My house will stay dirty if I don’t clean it, my fridge will stay empty if I don’t fill it, my bills won’t pay themselves, medical treatment doesn’t come to my house, my cat needs fed and my teeth, hair, body won’t clean themselves. Those are just the very basics of life, but they can be overwhelming when every move you make is agony. It’s a no win situation. If I neglect these basics my quality of life is seriously impacted. My stress levels soar & mood plummets. Trying to keep up with daily life saps all my energy. Pain is exhausting & exhaustion lowers your ability to cope with pain. It’s a vicious circle with no obvious escape.

Plus living is more than one’s basic responsibilities. There has to be human contact & stimulation. Unfortunately those can be just as tiring as the daily dirge. I love writing. I love swimming. Both are good for me, body & mind. Doing either involves a string of wearying steps. I have to wear myself down in the hope of benefits that are never guaranteed. I have a wonderful friends & family. Excellent relationships I don’t want to lose or neglect. However, just making myself fit to be in company is sometimes a mammoth task. I don’t even mean appearance wise. My people will accept me with no make up & greasy hair. They can handle the days that I can’t walk very far or do very much. For which I am grateful. What I can’t ask of them is to soak up my ill temper. Pain makes you snappy & negative & frankly unpleasant. No one wants to be around that. Also, no one wants to treat the people they love that way.

What do I do? I monitor myself. I constantly keep a tight grip on that grump. Take a deep breath & swallow it down. Let me tell you, maintaining that front, is exhausting. Also, essential. I don’t want to be a nasty bitch. I want to treat people with respect. Of course I gain from this; my life is immeasurably better for having date nights & sister time & lunch with my bestie & joyous mini people in it. Pain is absolutely not an excuse for being a fuckwit. It’s right that I censor myself into being nice. It’s just that it’s incredibly draining. It is the same catch 22, don’t push myself to do these things and my life would be empty. Do them & I pay the price.

None of this is anyone’s fault. There isn’t really anything anyone can do to change these things. This is just my life. Oh & a lot of other people’s too. I have this idea that maybe if we understand each other’s experience we might understand each other a little better. I think that would probably be a good thing. Further more, I’ve been trying to hold in all my grump & I am very tired.

** Apologies. I know this is not my best writing. I’m really sore & really tired.