It has been a week. Sometimes this chronic illness business is depressingly predictable. Others it throws you a delightfully new problem. The past week has combined both. Lucky me.
Let’s start with the spoonie admin. Apparently because I have Pots the airline requires proof from a Dr that I am fit to fly. I am fit to fly. I flew last year with no issues. I don’t require oxygen and I can follow the safety instructions should the worst happen. None of which makes any difference to the airline people. This letter has to be signed no more than 30 days before departure. Months ago I made an appointment and explained what it was for. So, imagine my surprise when I turned up at the prearranged time only to be told that their policies have changed; my GP surgery can no longer provide this service. They suggested I contact a private clinic. Since I would dearly like to go on my long awaited holiday, I did just that. After quite a few no can dos, I found a practice who could help. Huge sigh of relief. Right up until they emailed the cost. Oh, what I would give for a body that behaves.
The week then steered into familiar territory. A night of unmanageable pain culminating in a disastrous faint. My glasses were knocked off & one lens shattered in the fall. I of course landed face first in the mess, then proceeded to repeat the passing out & smash my head. Cue a day of blood tests, butterfly stitches and feeling appalling. Oh and obviously more cancelled plans.
I tire of discovering new hurdles and stumbling over the old ones. The week ahead will be mostly conducted from the safety of home. I intend to sit still, get some writing done and try very hard not to be so much trouble. Health is wealth in more ways than one. Bronan is relying on me to keep him in the luxury he accustomed to.
If you enjoy what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.
It’s been a busy week. I have had all the Auntie time and I love it. I spent fun time with all of my niblings. My oldest niece is on the other side of the world, so we had FaceTime. The others ran me ragged with carry on.
I combined two of my favourite things by taking the littles book shopping. They all found stories to their pleasing and gave me quite the round around (literally in some cases). I wore an old favourite all week. It’s so easy wear, I feel great in it and I really don’t care if you object to me wearing it four days in a row.
On the subject of books, this week I have two on the go. I usually whizz through books, but I have been extra exhausted and finding myself conking out after one chapter. Thus, I haven’t finished either yet. How To Kill Your Family by Bella Mackie is a cool concept. I am enjoying it, but there aspects of the writing style that irk me a little. Overall, I would still recommend it. My other current read is Rebel Bodies by Sarah Graham. I am crazy excited about this and not just because I feature in it. It is an amazing examination of the gender gap in healthcare. Obviously an area of interest for me, but also a topic that is hugely important for all.
The kids have kept me busy, but I managed a little #projectpostit. If I’m I’m not getting much writing done I can at least spread a smidge of inspiration. Of course there is always time for dancing in my pants.
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In case anyone hadn’t noticed I am Scottish. I’m also supporter of independence, an SNP voter & a big fan of Nicola Sturgeon. I’m proud of her achievements and the kind of society she fought for. I am deeply saddened that she will no longer lead us.
In the wake of her resignation I am also alarmed. Some of the candidates who have stepped into the leadership race are frankly terrifying.
Ash Regan who resigned her ministerial position in protest of the Gender Recognition Reform Bill has gone on record that she will not fight the Westminster blocks. For a person running on independence first this seems contrary. Her subsequent cosying with a intolerant indie factions like Alba confirm for me that she is does not represent the values I seek in a leader. Add to that her statements with regards to Green partnerships, which risk the loss of their support and I am certain Regan is not the one.
Kate Forbes similarly opposes gender recognition reform and has also expressed extremely troubling views. She has publicly stated that she would have voted against gay marriage & has been very open about her anti choice views. Including speaking at an anti choice event organised by Brian Souter (a prominent anti choice & anti LGBTQ+ activist). In my opinion she is also currently leaving herself a lot of room with her statements regarding buffer zones. The SNP aims to be a progressive political party who champion the rights of all. A person who clearly does not support reproductive and LGBTQ+ rights cannot be our First Minister.
What’s more wishing to exclude Kate Forbes on that basis is not an infringement of her religious freedoms. Much has been made of Forbes’ faith, her right to worship how she pleases and not be punished in public life for doing so. I call bullshit. The origin of her intolerance is irrelevant. She has every right to express her religious views and the rest of us have the right to object to them. Religion is not a bigotry get out of free card.
The truth is I want Sturgeon. I trust and respect her. Since I can’t have my first pick I think I should at least be able to have someone who is willing to uphold the rights of all. Neither Kate Forbes or Ash Regan have given me reason to believe they will do that.
If you enjoy what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.
Valentine’s Day is my Dad’s birthday, so my plans weren’t remotely romantic. However, I haven’t been properly dressed in weeks and I wanted to look nice for a wee family lunch. After much wardrobe pondering, I plucked out some old favourites.
I haven’t worn this dress in ages, I loved the swish the petticoat added. I’m been very into the double velvet of late. I think I scrubbed up pretty well even if I had to stick with cushioned comfy shoes.
We took Dad out for lunch and then did a little toy shopping. I even managed to finagle a frozen Coke, which I haven’t had since Australia. I love it, the delicious icy goodness was my valentine.
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I am popping in from my rest break to do February’s charity of the month. Supporting disaster relief after the earthquakes in Turkey/Syria is an obvious choice. The news & images in the aftermath of the tragedy have been utterly heartbreaking.
I didn’t know where to donate, but after reading positive things about DEC my mind was made up. 20,000 people have already lost their lives and a further 17 million remain in the affected areas. They are in urgent need of food, shelter and medical aid. In the midst of winter conditions will only become more critical. If you can, please consider making a donation.
In the latest of my body’s ridiculous tricks, I have shingles. When I’m run down I often succumb to random bonus infections. Shingles is also brought on my stress, which makes sense because January was a shit show.
I think I’ve had some lucky for once as I don’t seem to have a really severe case. The rash is painful (although not as bad as I’ve heard others describe it), but all the cold/fluey symptoms were short lived. It feels like a burn and if anything even slightly touches my skin the sensation is akin to a shock. My GP has added some pain killers to my usual lot, which are making it all manageable. They’re also making me super tired and a little spacey, which is having an effect on my creative output. I hope you’ll bear with me as I try to get back to match fitness.
This week Sam Smith has hit the headlines for being sexy in a music video; a thing a million people have done before. Why the outrage? Simply because they don’t fit societal ‘norms’.
In the current climate they are an easy target. A non binary, queer, plus size person happily expressing themselves was bound to push right wing buttons. Their faux outrage is expected. Waging their culture war with no regard for the actual lives their damaging. It’s disgusting, but sadly, no surprise.
The really sickening part is the crappy takes from people I’d expect better from. The same folk who usually embrace expressions of sexuality, raunchy content & playing with gender roles have no problem shitting on Sam Smith.
The reason for the different reaction is simple; fat queer people aren’t allowed to be loudly accepting of themselves. If you don’t fit neatly into a traditionally beautiful box you’re supposed to be ashamed. No joyful self love. If you’re not fading into the background, you’re pushing an agenda.
What’s more Sam has committed the cardinal sin of telling the truth. They have been honest about how ill striving to be thin made them. Also, very clear about how right it feels to have their correct gender recognised. They’ve talked about the hate they have received for simply existing as their authentic self. No one is really worried about a pop star dancing in pasties. They’re furious that someone whose body & identity they don’t deem acceptable is living their best life.
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I haven’t had a pointless rant in a while, but it’s a whole new year & there are things to bitch about! Sit back, relax & let’s see if we agree.
I know fashion is circular; wait long enough and it all comes around again. Surely there can be exceptions? Maybe we could black ball a few key pieces. For instances these illfitting, pocket laden mistakes. The only people who ever looked marginally good in them were All Saints & even they would say ‘never ever’ to their return.
I believe it originated from an alcohol awareness charity. I totally get the rationale. If you want reduce your intake or assess your relationship with alchol, great. Something about the way it’s become a joke about how much one drinks makes me uncomfortable. The memes, posts about not being able to get through a day or being shocked about how it feels not to wake up hungover give me a horrible ick. Oh & of course there’s the added diet culture bullshit. I don’t think it’s good for anyone to normalise that kind of reliance on alcohol. If a few days without a drink is actually a significant struggle you need help. I’m not sure that half the internet joking about it will give someone the impetus to move towards that.
I’ve never understood the hold these had in the noughties. I don’t need to explain my objection. It’s a no. Don’t let me catch you encouraging this nonsense.
Fat Phobic Thrifting
If you are a straight sized person, please stop buying up plus sizes & altering them to fit. There are already precious few larger items available in thrift/charity shops and a shortage of affordable, size inclusive sustainable fashion. Watching slim folk who can literally buy things everywhere grabbing them all up is infuriating. You already have a feast, why must you have our crumbs too?
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It’s been a shitty couple of weeks and my patience is stretched pretty thin. Paper thin. So, when some random man started emailing pleading with me to get to know him there was no give left.
Variations of this happen all the time. To be a woman remotely online is to be seen as fair game. Wow, am I tired of it. Contrary to popular male belief the entire internet is not in fact a dating site. Men, I beseech you, please stop it. If you see an attractive woman online you don’t have to tell her. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we didn’t post that picture to lure strange men into our dms. Women do not exist to give you an opportunity to shoot your shot. We don’t want to know what you think of our bodies or what you’d like to do them. For the love of god, don’t tell us about your kinks.
Women do not owe you anything. You are not entitled to a chance, a reply or a second of our time. Listen to me, do not send that message. Don’t call us babe. Don’t type a bunch of kiss emojis and absolutely do not send a dick pic. No one wants to see any of it. What’s actually going to happen is immediate BLOCK. I mean this sincerely, take your creepy messages & fuck off.
If you enjoy what I do you can support me here or on Ko-Fi.
Last year was tough. Long covid/Pots really did a number on my already subpar health. It was hard to keep on top of even basic daily tasks. All aspects of my life suffered. In an effort to shake that not quite enough feeling I’ve raided the brain for my 2022 highlights.
I contributed to the book Rebel Bodies by Sarah Graham. It’s an incredible piece of work about the gender gap in healthcare. Sarah covers the intersections of gender, weight, age & disability whilst deconstructing the barriers women & non binary people face when trying to access appropriate medical care. I am so proud to share my story of medical weight stigma and be part of this book.
In April we took my Mum on a birthday trip to Salzburg. She had a big birthday at the end of 2021 & we wanted to do something special. Mum loves The Sound of Music & has always talked about going to Salzburg. This year, she finally got there and it was magical. We stayed at Schloss Leopoldskron, where the movie was filmed, took a private Sound of Music tour and had a generally amazing time. Salzburg is incredibly beautiful and taking Mum on her dream holiday was wonderful.
At the very beginning of ‘22 I was a guest on the Anti Diet Club podcast. The pod creators Gillian Wilson and Tamsin Broster are dedicated to helping others divest from diet culture. I love the work they do and was honoured that they considered my voice worth hearing. It is such a pleasure to connect with others who are committed to fighting fat phobia.
This summer I got to revive a love from my youth. I thought festivals were a thing of the past for me, but thank to TRNSMT’s comprehensive accessibility accommodations I was back in the game. Watching bands, whilst sipping cider in the sun with my bestie & sister made me feel 22 again. Screaming along with The Strokes as the the sun went down was such a highlight.
This one might seem small, but felt significant to me. The Guardian journalist Martin Belam recommended me in his Friday Reads. Having a writer I respect enjoy my work enough to share it felt good. Especially in a year when my health has interfered with my creative output.
Last, but never least is of course being an Auntie. It is my biggest joy. I am so excited to watch all of my niblings grow. Last year they continued to surprise & impress. I am endlessly grateful to be part of their lives.
If you like what I do you can support me on Ko-Fi or here.
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