Boxing Day is my Mum’s birthday, so I took advantage of a nice family lunch to try out one of my Xmas gifts.
This dress is from my Mum & it’s a cracker. Super soft & comfy, fits like glove. It is my first from In the Style and it’s getting a big thumbs up.
I felt so good in this dress. Plus it was so easy to wear. I like that go up to a 28 (not perfect, but much more inclusive than many). I also like that most of their styles are available in their full size range instead of a just a small selection in a plus range. All in all I’m loving this brand.
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I’ve had another sleepless night and I used the extra hours to clean up outstanding admin. One of the tasks I enjoy the least is dealing with the angry dms/emails etc I get from random followers who hate fat, single woman being happy & online. Recently there has been a sharp upturn in the number of messages telling me I should be ashamed, i’m a bad influence, should have more self respect… To those I say, SUCK IT,
You’re not a slut (unless you like that term) if you enjoy lots of sex. Nudity is not inherently sexual and even when it is, it is not dirty. No one has to justify their sexual agency. I’m a grown ass woman with a healthy sex drive & I give zero fucks about what anyone thinks of that.
I have a sex life. Fat women are desired. I’ve had various partners. Some were great ideas others not so much. I’ve shed some tears, discovered things about myself, been frustrated & had a fucking ball. I’m am sick & tired of the contempt for female sexuality. I’ve regretted some of my sexcapades, but I’ve never been ashamed. In fact, I’m delighted to offer some high(& low)lights in service of the sex positive feminist agenda.
There was the Brazilian bus driver turned surgeon who was fun and precipitated an embarrassing incident.
The night club bouncer I fell arse over elbow for only to have him wreck my life.
The university professor who was kind, smart, committed & gorgeous, but just not the one.
The stunning aspiring stage actor who had the sexiest curves I’ve ever seen. She soothed my broken heart, boosted my self esteem and invited me to her wedding years later.
The film critic who gave great date and turned out to be full shit.
The part time novelist who was a talented writer (& lover), but wanted me much more once he couldn’t have me.
The librarian union rep who presented as the ultimate lefty. Unless it related to feminism, then he was the laziest of ‘not all men’ misogynists.
The post man who was just a terrible rebound mistake and had to get up way too early.
The student who’s very catholic Mum popped in when were having sex on the sofa. The 3 minutes it took me to find anything to hide behind were probably the most awkward of my life.
The bar manager who got clingy two dates in despite telling me she didn’t want anything serious.
The biologist who was fine really, but always thought he knew best. Good time in bed. Frustrating conversations.
The IT analyst who wanted to move way too fast. Very romantic, but scared the shit out of me with detailed future plans.
The tax man who started out a lot of fun. Settled into something comfortable. Ended up a huge cowardly disappointment.
The electrician who was a whirlwind. Crazy night outs. Cuddly weekends watching old movies. Fizzled out fast.
The newly divorced Mum who was actually pretty incredible, but really wanted to live the party girl life. I was just too old & tired for clubbing on a Wednesday.
The rugby player who was an entirely different person in front is his friends. I met a cool, sensitive guy. Every time we went to the pub I was with a rugby boy cliche. Big nope.
The lottery fund allocator who could have been perfect if i wasn’t so ridiculously bad at recognising the nice guys.
The mental health worker who was all erudite and kind. Big social conscious. Fostered rescue cats. Was also way too interested in my scars in bedroom. Creepy & ugh.
The photographer who was exciting & hilarious, but only because he took copious amount of cocaine. Pro tip ladies coke is no friend to the old erection.
I have a favourite who blew my mind. There were crazy hot folk, guys that others thought weren’t attractive at all, relationship, flings & the odd one nighter. It’s all fine. Every (consensual) sexual encounter was ok for me. Sex is fun. It’s natural. It can be as big or as little a deal as you feel it is.
Safe sex between consenting adults is A OK. Have as much or as little as you want. Talk about it or don’t. Your body is yours to do with as you please. Enjoy.
As I said in my previous post, I have been on the struggle bus recently. My stupid body has been making it difficult for me to get a whole bunch of things done. This has left me clinging even tighter to the things that I can master. Since one of things also offers an opportunity to sprinkle a lot festive spirit, I have been diving right into it. Thus, I give you even more xmassy nails.
I did this manicure at around 3am because pain woke me up & couldn’t get to sleep. I was exhausted and so the design is fairly random. Still pretty jolly!
Next up was was an icy blue set. I’ve been trying to get snow flakes right for the last two christmases. I think this year I finally nailed it. Do you agree?
I’m currently sporting this lovely glittery design. Another mix & match inspired by various festive bits. I like them, but have managed to break one nail & chip another already. The brushes will be coming out again tomorrow.
Bronan remains entirely struggle free. Oh to be a cat.
My health has been yuck for the last few weeks and have been stuck at home. It’s been all jammies & running life from my phone for me. My biggest adventure has been finally getting my booster jab this week.
After a really rough weekend with a stomach flare it felt really good to keep down some toast & mint tea. That little boost encouraged me to put some mascara on & get my Xmas t shirt out. I was only going to get my Covid booster, but it did feel nice to get a little fresh air and see the outside world. Of course I also felt relieved to be fully vaxxed again!
My Xmas parcel from my dear friend Jenna arrived early from philly, of course I opened it. One of the lovely gifts she sent was this bangle, which I wore immediately. She knows me so well.
I got my vaccine at Glasgow Central Mosque. The building is really pretty so I could not resist snapping a photo. Along with a few other random ‘I’m outside’ pictures.
Please do get your booster. We do not want to be messing around with new variants. I felt a little rough yesterday, mostly a bad headache. Much improved today and delighted for the reassurance of extra protection. Take care out there.
Christmas is rushing at us. If you’re like me you’ll be trying to get those presents wrapped, cards out and all the festive food in. Amongst all the busy, busy I’m reminding myself that I’m so lucky that I am in a position to do these things.
It is wonderful to share food & good times with people you care about at Xmas. It is even better to have stage security that allows us to indulge in those things. So, if you can, please consider helping those who do not have that luxury.
I’ve talked about Social Bite before, but they are an amazing organisation. Buying a homeless person Xmas dinner only costs £5 and can make a huge difference to someone. It feels like an excellent way to have an impact even if you don’t have much to spare.
If you are an animal lover and would like to help provide safe, loving home for farm animals Tribe Sanctuary are amazing. The rescue animals that would otherwise go to slaughter or be put down. They have so much passion for these animals and give them a beautiful life.
Hospices so hard & important work all year round. I can only imagine that it can be more difficult at this time of year. Strathcarron Hospice is a lovely facility that cared for someone in my extended family. They provide essential end of life care and are not government funded. If you could share some Christmas love with them it would go to very good use.
I want to hit the sweet spot of having plenty of time to enjoy all the twinkle without it being there so long that I get sick of it. For me that’s Dec 1st.
I go big on the carry on.
Christmas is so much better with little ones. I take full advantage of how much fun they are. I want to take them to see the lights & the funfair. I’m picking up festive editions of sweets, comics, everything. I will kit them out in adorable little Santa outfits. I’m playing with all the new toys. Pulling the crackers & wearing the paper crown. Auntie ly is the tickle monster, the teacher of gross jokes and provider of crazy phone filters. If there’s carry on to be had, I’m in.
Dress up on Xmas Day.
Even if it’s only to go to my own living room. We always had actual Christmas Day at home when I was a kid. I still always dressed up in my new fancy clothes to eat dinner & squabble with my siblings. It’s a habit that has stuck. I always glam up on the 25th no matter where I’m going. It just feels xmassy to sit on the couch drinking bucks fizz in my finery!
I don’t give to receive.
I give presents free from obligation because it gives us joy to make others happy. None of that comparing values nonsense either. It is the thought that counts. If I choose to give you a gift it’s because I want to. I don’t care if or what I receive in return.
Make the presents pretty
If I’m giving a gift I am doing it right. I don’t grab whatever paper is the cheapest. I will not pick up a gift bag on the way over. I take the wrapping seriously. I plan each year’s present look in advance. I purchase all the supplies with plenty of time. My presents are looking fancy & under the tree spit spot.
I send real cards.
I’m not listening to your Xmas card protests. It’s really nice to get season’s greetings through the front door. I will brook no dissent. Choose cards that can be recycled & write something lovely. What’s not to love about that?
The kids shall have magic.
There have to be rules. They can’t have every single toy they see. Sensible bedtime. Manners. Eat their vegetables. I’m down for it all, but it’s Xmas. Plus I’m the Auntie. Therefore the kids will get a bit spoiled. I will go overboard with the pressies. I’ll load them up with chocolate coins & Xmas books. Of course all the magical tales and nonsense that my brain can muster.
Everyone is allowed to open one present on Xmas Eve.
Christmas Night is for staying home & watching TV.
There’s always a blockbuster on tv. Whatever is the current big thing has a special. Then there’s just time for a Christmassy classic before bed. I get comfy & stay put.
I go to bed stuffed.
I actually feel cheated if I’m not full to the eyeballs on Xmas day. I want three kinds of potatoes, all the roast veg, pretend turkey and nibbles galore. Chocolate treats, nuts, cold potatoes, second belong of dessert. Munch, munch & wash it all down with some Bucks Fizz.
I always watch Fiddler on the Roof.
I have no idea why, but Fiddler on the Roof is always on tv at Xmas time. I only ever watch at that time of year. I know I could see it anytime, but it just wouldn’t feel right. I look forward it. It’s my own little unxmassy condition.
Make time for grown up pursuits.
Sometimes you want to do a little adult celebrating. I’m always sure to save time for grown up fun. Be it fancy cocktails or naught elf gear I’m ready to let my hair down.
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I have just finished the first episodes of the much awaited And Just Like That. I was excited for the return of the S&TC girls (I know). I loved the original. I even liked the slightly dodgy films. I was so happy to see them all again. And now, I am not ok.
If you’re planning to watch & don’t want me to spoil it, stop reading now. If you’re still here, how are you doing? Did you survive that first episode? I was so unprepared. Not until Lily started playing those foreboding notes did I suspect that Big was in danger. Those sneaky fuckers got me. As soon as the scenes started cutting from big on the bike to Lily on the piano; I knew. I didn’t want to accept it though.
I was really enjoying happily ever after with Carrie & Big. He’s still hot. Still colouring outside the lines. Still an old school romantic. Carrie is still Carrie. The writing is good. The shoes are better. It was all working until they broke my heart. This is not the forever I was looking for. How can Mr Big be dead? Why on earth did the writers think we could cope with this storyline?
I can’t stop crying! Listen, I always cry at the sad bits. Books, films, tv shows, life. If it’s sad, I cry. However, I think after 2yrs of a pandemic and all it brought maybe everyone’s emotions are a little raw. I find it increasingly difficult to view a whole range of media. The news is obviously a very rough watch. Fiction isn’t really much easier. The stress, fear, anger, grief has been turned up so high in real life that I really struggle not to absorb those emotions from fiction. I start feeling sad about a storyline and before I know it I’m flooded with a million real things to be sad about. Repeat for anger and so on. I’m beginning to think that Covid has left even more of a mark on me than I realised.
I’m wondering if others aren’t feeling the same. We’re all aware of the trauma covid brought. Huge losses & life altering changes. I’m not sure we have properly thought about the long term impact on our collective psyche. Lots of us were lucky enough not to lose a loved one. Many careers have not crashed and homes are maintained. A significant amount of people didn’t even get sick. Nonetheless, everything feels different. Also, the same. Is this chiming with anyone?
I feel like the world should have changed. So much of it hasn’t and that feels incompatible with where we are now. It’s hard to climb out of all those extreme emotions we’ve been swimming in. It’s even harder not to feel the need to revolt against those who still can’t bring themselves to care. I can’t articulate it perfectly, but I feel something has shifted. It could be wishful thinking. I hope not. It’s like the other shoe is just dangling from a single toe now. The people who least expect it might be about to get squashed.
Well, that was quite the leap. From a 90’s reboot to revolution in less than a 1000 words. I think that might actually prove my point; there’s a lot bubbling right under the surface. Anyway, in brief, whether you’re sad about John James Preston, the damage a global pandemic has wreaked or the craven shower we are governed by, I feel you. It’s hard to keep it in. You’re not the only one. Be gentle with yourself.
December is here and it is time to get festive with my nail art. I love a bit of sparkle on my finger tips, so here I go!
My first crimbo design was a little shaky. I’ve been feeling rough & dealing with vertigo; the candy stripes might not have been the best choice. However, I’m all about sharing the less than perfect along with my wins. This, I give you this frosty manicure.
Xmas manicure take 2 is more successful. I find it hard to get a tartan nail right, but I’m quite pleased with these ones.
Ho, Ho, Ho!
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I received an early Xmas present today. If I get a present early, I open it because delayed gratification is not my jam. However, I had permission to get into this one. In any case, I am utterly in love with it & the person who gave it.
That affection got me thinking about something I saw discussed on Twitter. The old ‘internet friends aren’t real friends’ debate. Obviously I don’t agree. This thoughtful, beautiful gift from a dear friend who I originally met online drove me to elaborate on that. I definitely think it is possible to be catfished (deliberately or not) into friendship online. You can ‘meet’ people with whom you have one thing in common & so can maintain an online relationship with, but it likely wouldn’t sustain an actual in person friendship. You can find people who purposely deceive or folk who are just able to portray a persona online that they can’t quite manage in life. Of course there are dodgy folk, lonely folk & even dangerous people who can use the internet to their advantage (& your disadvantage). I accept that’s all true. However, the flip side is all the wonderful people you might not ever have the chance to meet. This is were I come in.
Due to mental illness, chronic illness and working from home I have been perhaps more online than most folk. Or at least I’ve been more online for longer than a lot of people. As a result of that I have made genuinely good friends via the internet. I found understanding & acceptance from strangers on my computer when no one in real life really got my self harm. I’ve connected with a fat community that I would never have had access to outside of the web. Both of those groups changed my life. Networking with other freelancers has led to friendships along with work opportunities. I have been able to work with editors, organisations and publications via social media connections that have progressed my career. Beyond that I have met & built real relationships with people I have met through appreciating their art, respecting their activism or just firing them amusing online.
Those connection points have grown into really meaningful friendships. People I have gone on to meet and cherish. I have friends I consider an integral part of my life who started out as anonymous screen names. I think social media and the internet in general can generate valuable relationships. I also believe that the notion that those friendships aren’t real is inherently ableist and othering. Disabled and chronically ill people often rely on the internet for many things that others can access by leaving their home. In addition people who for whatever reason find themselves outside the norm can find like minded communities much easier online. The ability to do that is crucial.
All of which brings me back to that gift. My super talented friend Sarah created this wonderful digital portrait. It’s taken from my sister’s wedding and I feel so lucky to have it. I would never have met Sarah in real life. She lived far far away when we met (& even further now). Nevertheless, we have a shared history and understand of each other that is very special. So, thank you internet for bringing this woman into my life. And, thank you Sarah for this gift.
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