I think it’s fair to say that 2019 has been a shit show. A political nightmare on a global scale. Environmentally disastrous & frankly a genuinely worrying time to be alive. My faith in humanity has taken a battering this year.
It hasn’t been an especially uplifting 12 months on the personal front either. There’s been loss, illness & a struggle for meaning. It has all felt a little pointless at various stages, but I made it. Here I am living & learning. Carrying on.
The year got off to a heartbreaking start, but there have been ups. I cemented a crucial relationship & extricated myself from one, which in hindsight, I hadn’t wanted to be in for quite a while. My people have proven once again how marvellous they are. Circling around when needed & letting me be when required.
There have been a few professional triumphs. I returned to public speaking (terrifying), embarked on a little social media consultation & posed for some excellent photographers. I produced writing I am proud of and my expanded audience significantly.
I applied myself to the task of enjoying life. It’s not always easy when dealing with chronic & mental illness; I’m pleased with my progress. My little ones continue to be of endless interest. I have immersed myself in the joy they bring as often as possible. I’ve allowed myself to enjoy time with someone lovely & undemanding. I even had some successful surgery.
Most importantly (I think), I have released myself from the need to know where I’m going. I always thought my biggest purpose was motherhood & letting go of that dream has been challenging. I felt bereft of meaning. It has taken time & wise counsel to discover that perhaps I don’t need all the answers right now. It’s ok to take some time to breathe & live. Hopefully other options will present themselves. In the meantime I can work on career goals and hopefully continue to squeeze maximum happiness out of life.
So, it’s true. Life goes on. I suppose that’s as true on a larger scale as it is personally. We can still strive to be the change. Sadly, it looks like there will be lots of opportunities to test the courage of our convictions. I hope we prove ourselves brave.
* Photography Credit – Megi Aben
I know getting dressed up for your own living room on Xmas day is a blogger cliche, but I love it. I have always picked out something fancy for Christmas dinner and this year was no different. I did at least leave the house. I went all the way to my sister’s and I looked very festive.
It was the second outing for my lush new trousers. This time I was aiming for a fancier look. I plumped for a this lacy bodysuit & a deep red lip.
I added the elf hat for photos, which turned out to be a mistake as the boy wanted it on my head all day long. We all had a really lovely day. Presents & excitement galore for little people. Large glasses of fizz (& presents) for the big ones. My Sister was the perfect host, catering to all my fussy needs. I hope you all had an equally Merry Christmas.
Trousers – Elvi
Bodysuit – Boohoo
All the last minute tidying is complete. The presents are wrapped, the festive bedsheets are on & the fridge is stocked. My final festive manicure is complete & my outfit is all picked out. All that remains to be done is put my feet up for the evening before the madness begins.
I’m getting very excited about the big day. I’ll be at my sister’s & her little man is so into Xmas this year. I can FaceTime my other wee ones to see them open their pressies. Plus I’m a big kid and I love getting gifts too!
As happy as I am to have friends & family to share the season with, there’s always a hole in my Xmas. Being reminded of all the family fun I’ll never have with my own children is hard. Lots of people who have experienced loss struggle over Christmas. That’s why organisations like Sands & Miscarriage Association are so crucial. Sands work towards reducing still birth and neonatal death. They also provide support for those have lost babies. The Miscarriage Association aim to support those who have suffered miscarriage. They also strive to end the taboo nature of baby loss. Both do essential work with vulnerable people. If you can spare a little, a donation will allow them to continue their essential mission.
However you spend Christmas I hope it will be safe, warm & filled with as much joy as you can muster. If you are missing someone this year I send you love.
It’s not xmas without a bit of velvet. This year I have been eyeing up various wide leg velvety trousers. I love the look, but I rarely wear trousers, so I’ve been wary. Well, I finally settled on an excellent pair & today I wore the hell out of them.
I don’t know what I was so nervous about. They are bloody awesome. The paper bag high waist is very cute. They’re cosy & comfy. Even better they’re versatile. For my first outing I went casual with my amusing Xmas tee.
Trousers – Elvi
T- Shirt – The Paper Press Ireland
Cardigan – Asos
Boots – Gift
All black was a little too calm for me so I flung on the brightest cardi I own & stuck some glittery baseball boots on my feet. I absolutely love these boots. They were a gift from my Mum a couple of years ago. Unfortunately neither of us can remember where she got them.
Earrings – Accessorize
This year’s take on the Xmas jumper is wee bit cheeky (like me). I got plenty of compliments on my ‘Tits the season’ message. I’ll be donning these velvet beauties again for the big day. Stay tuned for the luxe styling.
Can you believe Christmas Day is next week? I can’t. It seems to have come round really quickly this year. Luckily I’m all set. Presents are bought & wrapped, cards are sent & fridge is stocked. All that’s left is to show you some more pretty nails!
Kicking off with some divinely glittery baubles. These ones were a nice easy manicure for a busy week.
Followed by a more complex, but no less festive Xmas light design. Loving my wee snowy tree on the accent nail.
Finally, my current look. Holographic glitter stars. These ones look simple, not they took forever. Those stars are made up of lots of tiny little pieces of glitter. I started with blue & white, but wasn’t happy. So, I striped them off and tried again with the holographic glitter🍗Worth the effort, when they catch the light they look awesome.
Now I just need to decide if I’m keeping this for the big day or squeezing in one more design.
For this week’s Tuesday adventures the boy had requests. He asked for fun & sparkly reindeers. Luckily we were headed to the home of a large twinkly reindeer & fun is always easy with my little rascal.
My hair was behaving & I had a rather excellent new dress, seemed like the perfect time to do #ootd photographs. Unfortunately by the time my photographer (sister) arrived the weather had messed with my perfect hair. The dress was still cute, though.
Dress – Missguided
Vest – Primark
Tights – Snag Tights
Cardi – Asos Curve
Shoes – Vegetarian Shoe Co
This dress was a birthday gift from my darling sister & I love it. Leopard print is always a winner for me. Add brights to the print and I am all in. It’s a faux wrap, with a deep v- neck, so I went for a vest for day wear (but, you do you!). I’d also recommend that bustier folk size up. I’ve been mostly wearing a UK 20 & I need a 22 to accommodate my boobs.
As for the boy, he had a ball & cheered his Auntie right up.
I’m utterly disgusted at the election results. Beyond that I am saddened & scared. English & Welsh working class voters supporting Tories is incomprehensible. To sell out hungry children, homeless & disabled people for Brexit is vile. The future looks terrifyingly bleak. Our NHS is in real danger & the most vulnerable people in our society are likely to persecuted further. I am grateful for the limited protection being in Scotland offers me. It has never been more clear that we need to be free of this rotten union. My heart goes out to all those who fear what the future brings under another Conservative government. More than ever we have to do what we can for those who will be left in need.