A week in the life…

Last week was hectic. I packed in way more than was sensible. So, of course I’m entirely out of spoons now. It was worth it, though. I had some productive meetings and lovely time with people I care about.

First there was the little matter of tests and seeing some consultants. Unfortunately this involved pretty much an entire day in hospital, mostly waiting. Listen, I am very grateful for our NHS, I doubt I’d still be here without it. However, watching the impact of Tory cuts over the last decade is deeply frightening. Sickness, ageing accidents will touch all of our lives. We need a functioning NHS, it is a miraculous institution. Please keep that in mind when you are casting your votes.

T-Shirt – Primark Cardigan – Curve Soul Mask – Topple & Burn

Tuesday involved meetings about an exciting opportunity, which I feel good about. I long ago abandoned cosplaying as a suit. I feel fake & uncomfortable in that get up. I don’t present my best self that way. Thus, I turn up as me and I find that gets the best results.

Skirt – Gift

The following day was all Bronan. We went for his bloods & then a had bit of a wild goose chase for his insulin. Fridge malfunctions caused some problems, but we got there in the end. Bronan was very grumpy about his extended time in his carrier, but once home he got thoroughly pampered.

By Thursday it was time for a reward. I put on a pretty dress and had a catch up with my very favourite man. We went to Brutti Compadres. I love it there because the have the best tapas and Rosè sangria. Plus amazing lighting that makes it feel like you’re bathed in sun. It was so nice to forget about the miserable Scottish winter. Even nicer to bask in the company of someone delightful.

Dress – Forever 21 Shrug – H&M Tights – Snag

I finished the week in the best way possible; surrounded by niblings. I spent the day playing with Batman and baby bunnies, looking up cheeky animals on my phone and finding out about the latest happenings at school. I also had a good gab with their Mamma. Friday done right.

Trousers – Glamour @ Asos Cardigan – Handmade

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Put your boots on…

This month in continued attempts to stop buying clothes I don’t need, I have been attempting to mine gems from the darkest reaches of my wardrobe.

I have about a million dresses and some just don’t get a look in. Example A would be this dress. It the softest, cosiest easy wear and I do not know why I neglect it. It is brutally cold here, so additional layering is essential. This wee shrug/jumper thing is ideal. Also super soft and cosy. It was a Xmas gift and I love it. I can throw it on with anything for extra warm.

Dress – Monsoon Jumper – Gift Boots – Air Cloudies

The next dress really did come from the deepest depths. I’ve had this one for close to 20yrs. It’s is a magical wrap dress that somehow fits me whatever size I am. I love the vintagey print. The only annoying thing is the tie loosens and it gets a bit heavy on the cleavage. Easily solved by popping a vest on next time.

Dress – Very old H&M. Jumper – Gift

Finally we have yesterday’s outfit. We took Dad out for an early birthday lunch. I wanted to step it up a little, but still look day time. I dug around in my drawers and found this amazing sheer t shirt. The colour is so vibrant, it was just what this jumpsuit needed to causal it down a little bit. I also broke out my jazziest glasses. I adore these specs. They are actually really heavy, so not great for wearing everyday. I do love giving them an outing.

Jumpsuit – Curve Soul* T-Shirt – Taking Shape* Glasses – Where Light

Bronan remains unfussed by my sartorial efforts. As long as I continue to pander to his every whim, he is happy.

* Gifted, but opinions remain honest.

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Something to talk about…

Time to talk day has just be crept across my timeline. I’m hoping it’s a testament to how attitudes have changed towards what is needed in the mental health sphere that I’m only being alerted to it at 9.30pm. Despite my cynicism I clicked and perused the website.

Sadly, it’s the same old story. Like most other mainstream advocacy for mental illness, Time to talk fails in tackling the real barriers people with mental illness face. Of course it is important to dispel stigma around mental health problems. It is also great to encourage people to support friends, colleagues etc. The tips on how to approach such conversations are fairly helpful. My issue with this model is that I don’t believe it acknowledges the depth & breath of the problem. In fact, I would go further in saying that the offering a listening ear platitudes can even diminish the experience of many with mental illness.

I’m 43yrs old and I have managed various levels of mental Illness almost entire and life. In all of that time the NHS has been under resourced in the mental health sector. As the years have gone by funding has been slashed and the problem has grown. We have been at crisis status for a very long time. There has been an uptake in mental health awareness. Campaign after campaign successfully identified warning signs and urged us to seek help. Unfortunately, the help requested is most often not forthcoming.

At the moment just getting a Gp appointment can be an enormous struggle. From there referral to primary mental health services always results in landing in a very long waiting list. If you can survive that wait, the treatment available can be limited. The first line is usually a limited course of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). CBT can of course be effective for some issues. It is not an answer for more complex mental illness. Alongside CBT there are a variety of helplines and websites, which can offer valuable information, but do not constitute treatment. There are of course psychiatric medications. These can be life saving and do improve the lives of millions. However, they are not magic, most often they must be used in conjunction with other therapies.

A referral beyond the intial interventions already mentioned is difficult to obtain. Infuriatingly, not everyone merits a place on their waiting lists. Those who do make it are in for another privilege wait. The quality, duration & efficacy of what is available at the end of that line is unknown. There are excellent professionals, treatments & resources, but they are stretched beyond thin. There simply aren’t beds, funding or staffing to provide the appropriate treatment & support for everyone who needs it. The result is, most people are shirt changed. Problems that could be caught early are allowed to progress. Serious problems become emergencies. In short, our population suffers more mental illness and become trapped in illness for longer. Some, forever.

Beyond the personal tragedy, the social and economic toll this takes is clear. People become unable to work, care for their families, participate in their communities, they then are laden with whole new set of problems. This of course negatively impacts their mental health and round they go. More people end up in crisis with no where to turn but emergency services, which are not equipped to render proper treatment. Again worsening the situation of the individual and eroding resources available overall. Apply this cycle across the board and it becomes obvious how vicious it is. It is an enormous widespread problem that can not be solved without massive funding, recruitment and a re evaluation of government policy.

Atop those failings is the fundamental shortcomings of the message itself. Breaking down stigma is vital. However, I think the focus of these campaigns, asking how people are feeling, actually is listening to the answer and so on, don’t go nearly far enough. It gives the impression that all mental illness can be easily solved. The adverts and literature are always about depression or anxiety. They show the palatable side of these conditions; someone who has a difficult period and with a little help from their friends gets better. Images of people crying or holding their head in their hands distort the reality of living with such conditions. When someone can’t get out of bed or in the shower for days on end, when they can’t function or find relief despite those caring chats it’s a shock. A check in with the Gp & some anti depressants won’t cure everything. Mental illness encompasses a myriad of conditions. Symptoms can be extraordinarily distressing and debilitating. Some are enduring illnesses that require complex and specialised treatment. Conditions like schizophrenia, Ptsd or Bpd are rarely discussed. Instead they’re sensationalised & misrepresented in the media. Perpetuating dangerous ideas about those living with certain conditions. The fear and shame have not been dispelled. We’ve merely carved out a tiny category of ‘acceptable’ mental illness.

The recovery narrative presented in mainstream mental health advocacy is too simple. Not everyone gets better. Lots of people instead learn to manage their mental illness. Others have recurring episodes. They are still smart, loving, valuable human beings. When all society is presented with is neat stories of struggle, seek help, return to health forever expectations are unrealistic . Those who don’t follow that template become doubted. Compassion turns to thinking they’re not trying hard enough or maybe they’re exaggerating. Stigma persists. We need an informed public. Not only on the broader experience of mental illness, but on ways to bring about change. People should know why our services are failing. The power of our voices and votes must be understood. We also need education around navigating the systems that exist. Everyone should be aware of how best to advocate for themselves and loved ones. We do need to talk, it’s just a much bigger conversation.

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