Lies and Distractions…

Just when I thought Keir Starmer was the most rage inducing Labour politician, Tony Blair popped his head out of whatever luxury hole he currently resides in. He decided that we all needed to hear his ableist and stigmatising opinions.

This statement is vile in a number of ways. Blair’s wilful ignorance will contribute to rising disability hate. There is no excuse for someone in his position to feed the right wing ‘scrounger’ narrative. I feel compelled to clear some things up.

Self Diagnosis

There is one reason and one reason only that there has been a rise in ‘self diagnosis’. That is inability to access mental health services. NHS waiting lists are long and actually getting a referral in the first place is laborious. Many people are instead directed to online resources and/or NHS helplines. Those who make it onto a waiting list may still have battles ahead. Most patients are offered a short course of CBT*, a modality that is not suitable for everyone and is often counterproductive. Those struggling to deal with mental illness are not researching symptoms and looking for a diagnosis for the hell of it. They do so because they are desperate. They are not adequately supported by professionals and are driven to find their own answers.

Disability Benefits Bill

Let me be clear, no one without an official diagnosis is receiving disability benefits. Successfully applying for these benefits (PIP, DLA, ESA or ADP**) is an incredibly onerous endeavour. The process requires extensive disclosures, evidence and the support of medical professionals. The system already purposely discriminates against those with mental illness. The criteria are designed to exclude symptoms and difficulties experienced by those with common mental illness like depression or anxiety. Many people with a professional diagnosis and treatment input from psychiatric services are denied these benefits. There is zero chance of someone just saying they have a condition and being approved.

Gaming the System

Implying that large numbers of people are illegitimately claiming benefits is dangerous and inaccurate. Fraud rates for disability benefits are very low. In fact, there is a higher percentage of claimants being underpaid. The application process is exhaustive. It is intentionally stressful and intimidating. Assessors frequently over ride expert medical opinion despite being unqualified to evaluate the conditions claimants have. Vast numbers of claims are rejected only to be overturned on appeal. Contrary to the current narrative, disabled people are often denied support they are entitled to.

***

Scapegoats

Disabled people make great scapegoats. We are one of the most vulnerable demographics. Often with little emotional or physical resources to fight the bureaucracy. We have been subject to harsh conditions since the beginning of austerity. Research from the University of York found that the impact of cuts to social & healthcare were linked to over 57,000 more deaths than expected between 2010 – 2014 alone. The perception that disability benefits are easily scammed and so costly as to damage the economy further endangers us. In 2023/2004 multiple regions in the UK recorded their highest number of disability hate crimes. Being scapegoated by those in positions of power is nothing new. The Tories have been using us as a distraction from their disastrous policies and corruption for years. To have Labour join in is a tough blow. I didn’t have high hopes for this government, but this page from the Conservative playbook is still alarming. Yes, I know that Blair is not a member of our government, but he does still hold sway within the party. His comments will absolutely be associated with Labour.

Disabled people are not to blame for the crisis in our health service. The UK has been experiencing a swell in both physical and mental illness for a number of years. This is as a result of deteriorating public services and a drop in quality of life. The pandemic played a part, but the biggest culprits are our political leaders. It disgusting that the trend of pointing the finger at a vulnerable group to distract from the reality of governmental failures is set to continue.

* Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

** Personal Independence Payment. Disability Living Allowance. Employment and Support Allowance. Adult Disability Payment.

*** Department of Works & Pensions

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Put on a dress, make it a blue one…

It’s a new year and I have a two new favourites. Both were Xmas presents and I am in love.

My new favourite dress is t shirt dress with a twist. This makes it incredibly comfortable and easy to wear. With the bonus of making my curves look banging. If it is available in other colours/prints, I am buying all of them!

Dress – Asos

My second fav are these wonderful jammies. They are so soft and wonderfully comfy. The fold down waist allows me to accommodate my belly comfortably at even its most extreme pcos bloat. Plus I look cute in them. I honestly would wear them everyday if I could.

Pyjamas – Next

I’ve had a slow start to January, so the jammies have had more wear than the dress. I’m gearing up now, so more fun outfits are coming soon.

If you like what I do you can support me on Patreon.

Another year over & what have we done…

No doubt everywhere you look you’re seeing lists of achievements, New Year’s resolutions and diet talk. Of course, I am here to interrupt all that bullshit.

For starters, you are not required to have a list of great successes. Some years are a hard slog. We all have different obstacles. For that matter we also have different goals and aspirations. Some folk are happy with their status quo and that is perfectly fine. If you’re worrying about your wins not being big or plentiful enough, please don’t. You made it & that’s enough. I don’t care if you didn’t get a big promotion or a new house, you did do every single day. You took care of yourself (& anyone else you’re responsible for), you paid the bills & made the dinners. You were also there for people in your life, you celebrated birthdays and talked through tough times. You are important, you matter in your everyday life. In the words of Self Esteem, ‘all the days you get to have are big days’. So congratulations, you have completed another turn around the sun. I’m certain you’ve had more impact than you know.

Let’s move along to the resolutions. If there are things you want to do by all means set a goal, make a plan. However, you are not obligated to change or become ‘better’ just because we entered a new year. Chances are you already have a whole heap of stuff piled on your plate. Perhaps you’re struggling to digest all that last year brought. Or maybe you’re half through a project or plan. It’s all good. Jan 1st doesn’t really signify anything. Just keep going.

Finally we come to my most disliked new year pressure; weight loss. You are going to be with adverts, influencers and people in your life telling you about their diet. Everyone will have the answer. This new medication, plan, supplement is the real thing. Let me save you a lot of trouble, it’s all crap. It’s the same thing repackaged and trying to convince you it is the answer to all your problems. Diets don’t work. Deep down we all know that. The vast majority of people regain anything shed via intentional weight loss. In fact, most of us add a bit extra too. What’s more, making your body smaller doesn’t fix anything inside you. It’s not a magic wand. In case you don’t hear it anywhere else, I’m going to say it; your worth is not tied to your weight.

You can live your life right now. Shrinking your body is not required. You do not have to for indulging over the festive season. Nor do you have to put anything on hold until you are smaller. Health and weight loss are not the same thing.

In short, you are enough. I hope you feel that and take it into 2025.

If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.

Do you wanna see these clothes on me…

No matter what my Christmas Day plans are, I always dress up. It probably stems from always having a new outfit for the big day as a child. In any case it’s a thing I have continued. This year getting dolled up was actually required.

My brother invited to us have Xmas dinner at the castle he was married in. It’s a beautiful place that holds sentimental memories from childhood and of course his wedding. Of course I spruced myself up for the occasion. This corset top was an impulse sale buy. It felt a little bare, so I popped this little sheer top underneath. I felt pretty good with the resultant look.

Corset Top – Pretty Little Thing Top – Daisy Street Trousers – Elvi

We had a lovely time. The food was gorgeous; best vegan cheesecake I’ve ever tasted. My nephews had fun opening presents and telling crackers jokes. Santa even made a visit to our table.

Boxing Day is Mum’s birthday. Thus we gathered to celebrate at my sister’s. I was ready for a more relaxed outfit. Luckily, Mum had gave me this cosy hoodie the previous day. Much fun was had with my nephew’s new toys. Predictably, I am as bad at switch sports as the real thing.

Hoodie – Gift

I feel very lucky to have so many wonderful people to enjoy the season with. I hope you all had a safe and comfortable Christmas.

If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.

Through the echoes…

Last month I added to my tattoo collection in the best way possible. I got a beautiful profile portrait of my beloved Bronan.

I lost my gorgeous boy in July and it has been impossible to get used to life without him. My home still feels empty without his demanding presence. A memorial tattoo felt like the perfect way to always have him with me. The fantastic Lauren at Luna Tattoo captured my boy perfectly.

I wanted a really simple black profile that highlighted the shape of his nose and white stripe. I adore him. I also had a great experience at Luna. I love being tattooed by women. Lauren made me so comfortable and I loved the vibe they’ve created at Luna. If you’re local, I highly recommend this shop.

If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.

Cold as ice…

Baby, it’s cold outside! Actually it’s cold inside too. Even with the central heating on all day, I still find myself feeling chilly. So, you can imagine how freezing I get when I do venture outdoors. My solution, wear a cosy jumper with everything!

It works. Even the fanciest of items look super cute with a big slouchy jumper. Don’t believe me, check these looks out.

Cardi – ASOS Petticoat – Lindy Bop

Petticoats are amazing. Wear under a swing skirt/dress and you get a gorgeous retro swirly style. Wear it alone and you get a beautiful puffy tutu ish look. Pair it with some high denier tights and some bright knitwear, you get perfect winter wear.

Take the same cardigan, add a vest & maxi skirt and ta da; no fuss outfit. Exactly the kind of outfit I need for a day with my niblings. This skirt is so incredibly soft and it has pockets. It couldn’t be better.

Skirt – Gift

When I needed something a bit special for a really important meeting I stuck with the theme. I have hardly worn this full length tulle skirt. I’ve decided it is too pretty to languish in my wardrobe. So, I’ve teamed it with a vest and simple cardi to make it a bit more day. I felt so good, swooshing around.

Cardigan – Monsoon

I don’t love the below zero temperatures, but I am fond of layers and winter warmers. If I have to go outdoors I will be wrapping myself in the cosiest, chunkiest knits.

If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.

Crazy little world…

I know I promised to write about some of the significant things happening in our crazy world, but my own little crazy world has gotten the better of me. I’ve been struggling with a gastro flare & non stop fainting. Both of which have left me exhausted. So, once I have contended with life’s essentials, I have very little left.

I’ve been using any leftover spoons to see my littles and take care of myself. One of the things I can do that makes me feel a tiny bit better is paint my nails. Of course I have been getting spooky with my nail art.

On Saturday I ventured out to the theatre to see my nephew’s Halloween show. The show was fantastic, I was so proud of him. I also took the opportunity to debut my new glasses. I am utterly in love with them.

Glasses – Where Light
Skirt – Lindy Bop

Bear with me, more insightful content coming soon.

If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.

October skies…

Oh, I have so much to say. Labour’s cowardly first 100 days have rendered me overwhelmed; fat phobic announcements, abandoning people they’re supposed to fight for, refusal to stand up to Isreal et al. I am working on pieces expressing how I feel about all of that. In the meantime, I am giving you a little round up of my more light hearted goings on. I just didn’t anyone to think I was ignoring the ongoing horrors.

Thursday night dinners with my Brother & his boys are always fun. I love catching up on what my nephews have been getting up to. Last week I had these adorable decorate yourself Halloween biscuits for them and they told me about their spooky costume plans. For this little outing I wore the dress that my sister got me for my birthday. It’s the perfect autumn dress. I love the soft waffle fabric & the long fluted sleeves. I especially enjoy how comfy it is whilst also making me va va voom.

Dress – ASOS
Cookies – Graceful Favours

Last weekend I finally got out to see my amazing friend Lisa. We had an in depth catch up and her 12 yr old son declared me still cool. I consider this a huge win. A weekend on the east coast was lovely. Good friends, good food and even the train didn’t stress me out too much.

Getting back to the Halloween theme, I did some spooky crafts with more niblings this week. It’s school holidays up here and the weather hasn’t been playing ball. They all loved the pumpkin headbands & my big niece also made a beautiful wreath for her bedroom door. I love doing things like this with the wee ones. Watching their creativity and excitement always makes me smile.

Finally, I rounded up the October week with a big adventure. We set off at the crack of dawn yesterday to drive up to Landmark Adventure Park. It’s a forest adventure park near Aviemore and it’s absolutely with the trip. My sis & her big boy tackled all the climbing, water slides & trampolining in the sky. Myself & the tiny boy watched from one of many comfortable benches. Don’t worry though, there were activities I could manage including a labyrinth & meeting my favourite dinosaur. There is a fair bit of walking involved, but plentiful places to sit and rest along the way. We stayed right up until closing time and arrived home exhausted last night!

I recognise how privileged I am to be able to spend a week having fun with my friends and family. All of my loved ones are safe, my niblings are able to enjoy their childhoods free from peril. The people of Gaza are denied that. I think it is incumbent upon us to remember how lucky we are and do whatever we can to help. If you are able please make a donation to help Haitham and his family reach safety.

Wrapped up in books…

The few weeks I have been reading some impulse buys. I had a load of Waterstones stamps to spend and decided to pick up some books that took my fancy without knowing much about them.

First up, Luckenbooth by Jenni Fagan. The book follows the events in an Edinburgh tenement over the course of 100yrs. It includes the stories of a diverse group of characters with a consistent occult undercurrent. I loved that each tenant’s story was full of surprises. The inclusion of real events and nods to social values of each period kept me engaged. In fact, I really wanted more on some of the characters. If you like a bit of spooky history you will enjoy this.

I finished David Mitchell’s Unruly this morning. I would happily had read his take on another few centuries. I’ve always been fascinated by royal history. Mostly because it is horrific to consider how the whims of avaricious men impacted the course of history. Mitchell’s comedic touch greases the wheels of brutal history. The book is exactly what it claims to be, an entertaining account of English Kings & Queens. History buff or not this one is worth a read, it’s genuinely a page turner. I love when people have the talent to make potentially dense material accessible.

I have another couple of from that little haul to go. I’ll let you know if they were good picks too.

If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.

Birthday Bitch…

September is a bumper birthday month around here. My own slips in right at the end, so I am now 44yrs old. How did that happen?

Anyway, I think I’m doing ok for an old bird. On Sunday we had a big lunch with cake, presents and the whole shebang. Obviously I had to smash it with my outfit and I did! Perhaps you’re not supposed to blow your on trumpet, I do not care. I looked gooooood. You’d never guess I’m middle aged.

I’m feeling pretty strange about this whole mid 40’s thing. I don’t know how I got here so fast. I need someone to catch up the ly in my head. She still feels like her twenties were five minutes ago. Except they also feel a lifetime ago too. It’s very confusing in here. Reckoning with mortality and all the things that are behind me is tough. It’s just as well I’m such a hottie; takes the sting out of it.

If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.