I know I promised to write about some of the significant things happening in our crazy world, but my own little crazy world has gotten the better of me. I’ve been struggling with a gastro flare & non stop fainting. Both of which have left me exhausted. So, once I have contended with life’s essentials, I have very little left.
I’ve been using any leftover spoons to see my littles and take care of myself. One of the things I can do that makes me feel a tiny bit better is paint my nails. Of course I have been getting spooky with my nail art.
On Saturday I ventured out to the theatre to see my nephew’s Halloween show. The show was fantastic, I was so proud of him. I also took the opportunity to debut my new glasses. I am utterly in love with them.
Glasses – Where LightSkirt – Lindy Bop
Bear with me, more insightful content coming soon.
If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.
Oh, I have so much to say. Labour’s cowardly first 100 days have rendered me overwhelmed; fat phobic announcements, abandoning people they’re supposed to fight for, refusal to stand up to Isreal et al. I am working on pieces expressing how I feel about all of that. In the meantime, I am giving you a little round up of my more light hearted goings on. I just didn’t anyone to think I was ignoring the ongoing horrors.
Thursday night dinners with my Brother & his boys are always fun. I love catching up on what my nephews have been getting up to. Last week I had these adorable decorate yourself Halloween biscuits for them and they told me about their spooky costume plans. For this little outing I wore the dress that my sister got me for my birthday. It’s the perfect autumn dress. I love the soft waffle fabric & the long fluted sleeves. I especially enjoy how comfy it is whilst also making me va va voom.
Dress – ASOSCookies – Graceful Favours
Last weekend I finally got out to see my amazing friend Lisa. We had an in depth catch up and her 12 yr old son declared me still cool. I consider this a huge win. A weekend on the east coast was lovely. Good friends, good food and even the train didn’t stress me out too much.
Getting back to the Halloween theme, I did some spooky crafts with more niblings this week. It’s school holidays up here and the weather hasn’t been playing ball. They all loved the pumpkin headbands & my big niece also made a beautiful wreath for her bedroom door. I love doing things like this with the wee ones. Watching their creativity and excitement always makes me smile.
Finally, I rounded up the October week with a big adventure. We set off at the crack of dawn yesterday to drive up to Landmark Adventure Park. It’s a forest adventure park near Aviemore and it’s absolutely with the trip. My sis & her big boy tackled all the climbing, water slides & trampolining in the sky. Myself & the tiny boy watched from one of many comfortable benches. Don’t worry though, there were activities I could manage including a labyrinth & meeting my favourite dinosaur. There is a fair bit of walking involved, but plentiful places to sit and rest along the way. We stayed right up until closing time and arrived home exhausted last night!
I recognise how privileged I am to be able to spend a week having fun with my friends and family. All of my loved ones are safe, my niblings are able to enjoy their childhoods free from peril. The people of Gaza are denied that. I think it is incumbent upon us to remember how lucky we are and do whatever we can to help. If you are able please make a donation to help Haitham and his family reach safety.
The few weeks I have been reading some impulse buys. I had a load of Waterstones stamps to spend and decided to pick up some books that took my fancy without knowing much about them.
First up, Luckenbooth by Jenni Fagan. The book follows the events in an Edinburgh tenement over the course of 100yrs. It includes the stories of a diverse group of characters with a consistent occult undercurrent. I loved that each tenant’s story was full of surprises. The inclusion of real events and nods to social values of each period kept me engaged. In fact, I really wanted more on some of the characters. If you like a bit of spooky history you will enjoy this.
I finished David Mitchell’s Unruly this morning. I would happily had read his take on another few centuries. I’ve always been fascinated by royal history. Mostly because it is horrific to consider how the whims of avaricious men impacted the course of history. Mitchell’s comedic touch greases the wheels of brutal history. The book is exactly what it claims to be, an entertaining account of English Kings & Queens. History buff or not this one is worth a read, it’s genuinely a page turner. I love when people have the talent to make potentially dense material accessible.
I have another couple of from that little haul to go. I’ll let you know if they were good picks too.
If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.
September is a bumper birthday month around here. My own slips in right at the end, so I am now 44yrs old. How did that happen?
Anyway, I think I’m doing ok for an old bird. On Sunday we had a big lunch with cake, presents and the whole shebang. Obviously I had to smash it with my outfit and I did! Perhaps you’re not supposed to blow your on trumpet, I do not care. I looked gooooood. You’d never guess I’m middle aged.
I’m feeling pretty strange about this whole mid 40’s thing. I don’t know how I got here so fast. I need someone to catch up the ly in my head. She still feels like her twenties were five minutes ago. Except they also feel a lifetime ago too. It’s very confusing in here. Reckoning with mortality and all the things that are behind me is tough. It’s just as well I’m such a hottie; takes the sting out of it.
If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.
The last few days have been a beautiful last gasp of summer. Mother Nature is easing us into spooky season and I love it.
Autumn is my favourite season; I yearn for crisp chilly days, cosy clothes and of course Halloween. Our GlasGlow tickets are already booked and costume pieces have been ordered. This week felt the perfect time to kick off the festivities. My sister, her tiny boy & I all cried Beetlejuice thrice & were transported to Burton world.
I absolutely adored the original. Well, I think I was pretty scared the first time, but I settled into it. Gothy Winona made my little weirdo heart beat faster in the 90’s & I think Beetlejuice may have kick started that. I didn’t have much time, but I really wanted to wear something on theme. My teenage niece used profanities to describe how cute I looked, I consider that a success.
Dress – Forever 21 Skirt & Vest – H&M Kimono – BoohooTeenage approval for an old Auntie.
I very much enjoyed wearing those over the knee socks. Having them peak out from under the lace is a look. Luckily I have quite a lot of sheer dresses, expect to see more of them. They are actually compression socks to help with Pots symptoms. Plus Sock miraculously make the only comfortable compression socks I have ever worn. Spoonie boon!
Over the Knee Socks – Plus Socks *
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice was a hit with us. I loved that they kept the style of the OG. No high tech cgi, it felt right. Cast are fab, costumes incredible and lots of dark laughs. The juice is loose and I’m here for it.
* previously gifted.
If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.
The summer holidays are drawing to close in Scotland. Thus, the last few weeks have been filled with nibling adventures. It’s been tricky balancing ebullient days with enough rest, which has caused a few problems. All entirely worth it.
In the biggest and most exciting news, I have a new nibling. My sister had another boy a few weeks ago and he is of course, perfect. Everyone is doing great & my big boy is absolutely loving being a brother. I had my first adventure out with the tiny little man last week. My sis & I plus both boys checked out Beyond Van Gogh. It’s an immersive art exhibit and we loved it. The little man was captivated by all the colour and light. Big boy fascinated by the whole ear thing. I did really enjoy the experience, but I would have liked some smaller rooms for a more immersive feel. I think it would have felt more like stepping into the art in smaller spaces.
I felt like wearing something exuberant to delve into Van Gogh. I plumped for a retro vibe, with this floral dress and petticoat. I always feel very femme & pretty in this shape.
Dress & Petticoat – Lindy Bop
Summer wouldn’t be complete without a trip to the Glasgow Science Centre (GSC). The kids love being able touch and investigate everything. The twins especially enjoyed a big safe space that they can have free run of. Their big sister really took to the floor that explores the human body. Her sprint time & jump height were extraordinary. The naked body & skeletons also garnered some attention. I met my manager from when I worked at the science centre and was surprised to discover he remembered me. In fact colleagues had recently been talking me. Considering it’s been twenty years, I’m a little concerned about what made me stick in their heads. Past idiosyncrasies aside, we had a fabulous day. Special shout out to gift shop, which bucks the trend of insanely expensive price tags. They have a great range of fun & affordable treats.
GSC is always insanely hot. I suppose that’s bound to happen in building made from concrete and glass. To mitigate this I went for my new little vesty dress. Ten out of ten, so comfortable and light. It is definitely going to be a staple.
Dress – Nobody’s Child. Kimono – Simply Be
On the less fun side the heat has been playing havoc with my Pots. There has been so much dizziness and a few fainting disasters. Air hunger has also been a huge problem. I have upped my water intake, doing electrolyte drinks, lots of sitting down, breathing excerises, fans & so on. All to now avail. I’m really hoping symptoms might diminish as the temperature cools. The new problem is Cubital Tunnel Syndrome. It’s caused by compression of a nerve in the elbow and results in numbness, pain and weakness in the hand. My right pinky & ring finger started getting pins & needles a few months ago and it never went away. Half of my hand is now constantly numb and the remaining half is very weak. I don’t have a lot of pain, but not having full use of my dominant hand is a significant challenge. I’ve had my elbow x rayed & it has mild degenerative changes, which may be the source of the problem. Again I’m doing everything I can and so far no improvement. I have excercises, wear a splint at night, changed my arm position when typing. I’m waiting to see physio. This condition can be reversed, but it frustrating to be stuck with another limitation in the mean time. Fingers crossed that physio helps. Spoonie life is kicking my arse.
If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.
I hear tell that the ‘skinny trend’ is back. With it a theory that is not new, but is perhaps just occurring to some. Namely, that when women begin to believe in their power skinny returns to divert & exhaust our energies.
I don’t disagree entirely. The preoccupation with the size and appearance of women is certainly rooted in control. As Naomi Wolf wrote ‘a culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience’. Now, of course we can add the money to be made from convincing vast swathes of the population that they must lose weight. So, yes, thin is a tool to distract and diminish. The rest of the story is, it never goes away.
As a fat woman I know that skinny is never a trend. Thin has been the beauty standard my entire life. The degree of thinness may change, but fat is never the societal goal. The body positive movement has certainly made strides, but we are far from the majority opinion. As fat voices began to break through the message was quickly diluted. Brands adopted body liberation for cache without actually using diverse models or really extending their sizes. An hour glass white women with a flat stomach in a size 18 is not fat representation. Likewise, all the straight sized chicks contorting their bodies to create a fat roll is not #bopo. Meanwhile actual fat bodies are censored on social media. We aren’t even permitted to be centred in our own movement. Which makes it difficult for me to see when thin wasn’t in.
I was a teen in 90’s. I lived through heroin chic and I’m not convinced it felt substantially different to any other point in my timeline. I was slim then, but I never felt small enough. A feeling that stayed with me throughout my various size incarnations until my 30’s. I have observed no change in weight stigma over that time. The consensus has always been that fat is unhealthy & unattractive. Skinny has been the ideal whether Kate Moss or Kim Kardashian was reigning supreme.
No one is changing their diet or taking supplements to gain fat. There have never been articles in magazines advising how to quickly get a belly. Fat women have always faced discrimination across the board. We were & remain pilloried in media and life. A slight shift in the type of thin body most desired is not substantive. It is the same control, in a moderately tweaked package.
The real difference is perspective. If you have the privilege of living in a societally accepted body, the return of super skinny feels like a threat. Now you’re going to be pressured to shrink. You will see your image represented less. In short, you’re going to notice. Personally it makes no difference if the ideal is size 0 or size 12. I’m always too big. I will always be perceived negatively by many people. I don’t relish the return of a romanticised gaunt aesthetic. I’m just saying what all fat women know, the skinny trend is perpetual.
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Yesterday was one of those ugh days. I had a couple of medical appointments and a few errands to run. I was tired and sore, but it was a sunny day, so off I set.
My mood took the first knock when my taxi driver has a rant about how short my journey was. Granted I wasn’t going far, but I can’t get about on foot. If I want to go somewhere, I need a taxi. Next up was a rude & unhelpful woman in the chemist. She made it very clear that finding my prescription was an inconvenience. Much huffing, puffing and snarky comments ensued, which drew stares from other customers. The final nail in the coffin of my day was the hospital receptionist who would not source a chair for me, but also got angry when I sat on the floor. Sitting on the floor is hazard, but passing out because I cannot stand apparently is not.
Rubbish day, but not the end of the world, right? If these were isolated incidents I would probably just brush them off. The problem is, it happens all the time. Being a disabled person out in the world can be a challenge. Accessibility is a problem, but even requests for basic accommodations can be met with irritation. On some level, I understand that. Work can be exhausting, maybe you’re having a bad day and being asked for something extra could just tip you over. However, most of my life is exhausting. I don’t make these requests to be awkward, I need them.
The result is I get apologetic. I begin my request with ‘I’m sorry, but’ or ‘I don’t want to be pest, but’. I feel like an inconvenience for asking. I anticipate that my accessibility request may not be well received. Listen, inside I often feel like getting arsey. My natural demeanour is not push over. I just know it won’t help. I also rarely have the energy for the fight. Thus, I find myself simultaneously pissed off at being made to feel bothersome & apologising for the perceived trouble.
I don’t need any help on the guilt front. I already feel like a burden to people that matter. Is it too much to ask that strangers don’t make me feel like shit? My needs are very straightforward; a seat mainly. I dread to think how anyone with a more complex requirement fares. All I’d ask is that before you roll your eyes or have a moan consider that this a moment of inconvenience for you is a lifetime of fuckery for us. Maybe you could just zip your lips and grab a chair after all?
If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon .
It finally happened, the sun has arrived. We had two whole proper hot sunny days. It did rain yesterday, but that’s Glasgow for you. Anyway, my point is, summer is coming.
With it will come a deluge of diet talk, body shaming and unsolicited opinions. That means it’s time for my annual reminder; we all have a summer body. Everyone deserves to feel the sun on their skin and enjoy the summer. There will be many external voices proclaiming the need to change or hide your body. I implore you to ignore them.
I know it can feel scary to let the world see something you have been taught to believe is bad. I also know that when you release yourself from the fear of judgement it feels goooood. Nothing terrible happens if you go to the park in a sundress with your bingo wings flying free. The truth is most people aren’t paying you that much attention. We’re all busy living our lives. We’re chatting or day dreaming or stressing or thinking about what we need from Tesco. No one is focused on your body or outfit even a fraction as much as you are.
The fuckwits who will stare or comment on a photo are in the minority. Those are not your people. Those are mean, small minded probably deeply insecure folk. Do not give them power over you or your choices. Especially when there is so much at stake.
It’s hard for me to articulate just how much happier I am since embraced the body I’m in. The freedom not just to wear whatever I feel good in, but also to enjoy what I do in those clothes has touched every aspect of my life. There were so many things that I just wouldn’t do. Activities that I love, like swimming or spa days were frought with anxiety. My career was hugely impacted by all the opportunities I didn’t think I could I take. Purely because I didn’t look the way I thought smart, successful people should look. A hot summer was just extended discomfort. Constantly trying to balance not being too hot, with not being too visible. Covering scars, flabby bits, dodging photos, worrying that I’ll embarrass people I care about. I missed so much big and small, pushing things off for a time when I’d weigh less.
Oh how I wish someone could have enlightened years earlier. I’m still fat. I’m still covered in scars. I’m peely wally, stretch marked, my boobs sag. And I’m living life more fully than I ever thought possible. My size and appearance no longer feature in my decisions. No one who matters in my life cares about the number on a scale.
I’m not denying that fat phobia exists. Nor am I saying no one will ever judge you or be unkind. What I am saying is that the joy you gain from being fully present in all of your endeavours far out weighs all that bullshit. Plus, there is no cardigan or floaty top that magically conceals one’s size. Feeling worthy of respect and happiness was my first step in being able to fight for it.
Please let me cut through all the negativity. Wear the shorts. Go to pool. Put on your sexiest outfit and strut your stuff. Our visibility allows other people to step into the light. Trust me, it is lovely out here.
If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.
It’s another Bank Holiday weekend. The kids had a few days off school and the weather looked promising. Obviously we had to go on some adventures.
On Friday I hit the Museum of Rural Life with my bestie and niblings. They loved checking out the giant vintage machinery and learning all about the local wildlife. My highlight was the tractor ride and baby cows. The kids seemed to enjoy everything. It was a warm dry day when he set out, so I braved a summery outfit. It did start to rain about ten mins before home time, but we managed not to get too soaked.
Top – Taking Shape Skort – Simply Be Kimono – Simply Be
Saturday was sister & the boy time. We headed to the Riverside Museum. We hadn’t been here for a few years and there have been loads of changes. All positive. The boy loved it. Like me, he was a fan of the old street. I was also happy to discover that the museum had those cool little portable chairs; allowing me to sit whenever I needed to. Two days in a row is a lot for me, so I attempted to put a little pep in my step with an excellent outfit. I think this one was a winner.
Dress – M&S Petticoat – Lindy Bop
I had an amazing time with the little ones, but unfortunately my body rebelled on Sunday. Along with the usual pain & fatigue there was much vomiting. I had a seriously rough night and today I am utterly wiped out. Bronan & I are having rest. Hope your holiday weekend was just as fun with fewer negative repercussions.
If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon
Something in the way she moves... 
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