This week I took a little trip. My sister treated me for my birthday to an unexpected activity. Yes, folks, I went camping.
Well, I say camping. We had a Kingsize bed, log burner & private bathroom. It’s as close to camping as I will ever get. My sis, her boy & I headed up north to Loch Tay for a couple of nights in a fancy little dome.
Loch Tay Highland Lodges
The setting was beautiful. We had a lot of fun around the camp fire, visited the local beauty spots & even conquered a castle.
Doune Castle
October in Scotland is pretty cold, layers were important. I still wanted to bring my own thing to the outdoors, I decided to give the trip a leopard theme.
Glasses – Where Light
Set off in my leopard print dungees with some added spooky details. Comfy, cosy & very cute.
Dungarees – ASOS Skeleton Top – BoohooBrooch – Poesy & Grenadine
Kept to the theme with this long sleeved, tiered dress. My trusty snag tights (also in leopard) & my fluffiest cardigan upped the warmth factor.
Dress – ASOS Cardigan – ASOS
I always love to have uninterrupted Auntie time. Bedtimes stories & sparklers are hard to beat, but inside jokes with my wee sis comes close.
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Sadly, recent events in the Middle East have made the decision of who to donate to this month obvious. The humanitarian crisis in Palestine is more urgent than ever.
A terrorist atrocity should not lead to an attack on a civilian population. The international community has a responsibility to upload international law & to provide aid to Palestine.
Medical Aid for Palestine provide immediate medical treatment for Palestinian living under occupation and as refugees. They also help create infrastructure & train people to ensure the development of the healthcare system.
I’m sure you have all watched the news with the same horror as myself. Children make up half the population in Gaza. No child (or any person) should have to experience such fear & violence. If you can please donate here.
You can also find a template to write to you Mp here. If you’re not sure who your Mp you can find them here.
October is here, it’s officially Spooky Season. I love this time of year. I’m ready for all the cold, fresh days and listening to the rain at night. I’m also delighted to dive into Halloween fun.
Let’s start with some spooky nail art . I kicked off with bats because they’re cute, but sometimes a little scary. Perfect for the season.
I hadn’t planned to do a new design so quickly, but I chipped the hell out of my bats. Now we have creepy cats.
I wonder what ghoulish creature might be next. If you have suggestions I’d love to hear them.
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This month the change in weather & return of anti choice protesters prompted my donations.
If you know me at all you’ll be aware that I am passionately pro-choice. The rise of US style religious harassment outside hospitals & clinics are repugnant. Everyone is entitled to make reproductive decisions for themselves & safely access whatever treatment they require. I am completely in favour of buffer zones to ensure this. You can help make buffer zones law in Scotland by support Back Off Scotland . There are links to write to your Msp, sign their petition & make a donation on their website.
My second consideration was the chill in the air. I can only imagine how horrendous it is to face the Scottish winter without a safe place to call home. Homeless Project Scotland provide vital services including a food bank, soup kitchen & street teams. If you can help, any donation would be wonderful.
You can support both organisations in ways other than monetary. So, please check out the links if you want to help.
The government has launched yet another useless campaign. This time they claim the aim is empowering & dispelling myths about disabled people.
In my opinion Ask Don’t Assume is a big fail. I don’t seem to be alone in that opinion. Many disabled people agree that encouraging the public at large to ask us whatever questions into pop their heads is a terrible idea. The government claim to have done extensive research. According to Minister for Disabled People, Health & Work, Tom Pursglove that ‘extensive research was with 500+ people with lived experience of disability. To be honest I’m surprised they found 500 people who thought this was a good campaign. However, with 6.3 million people currently entitled to disability benefits*, consulting 500 does not qualify as extensive.
One of the problems I encounter as a disabled/chronically ill person is maintaining boundaries. So many strangers don’t think twice of asking personal & invasive questions. Almost every time I leave the house someone will ask ‘what’s wrong with you’. In recent years Tory policies regarding disability benefits have led to more people holding hostile views. Disabled people are often viewed with suspicion, which leads to strangers demanding information from me. People who know nothing about me or my circumstances feel entitled to my private medical information just incase I am somehow ‘scrounging’ benefits. A government campaign with the tagline, Ask Don’t Assume, legitimatises this behaviour.
Further, a lot of the campaign materials include toxic positivity/inspiration porn content. I watched a video with a woman describing her disability as a strength and as something that ‘can give back’. Everyone is of course able to decide what disability means to them, but none of this resonates with me. My disabilities make my life much harder. There are lots of thing I simply can not do. Even the most mundane of daily tasks are negatively impacted by my conditions. That doesn’t feel like a strength to me. I also cannot comprehend how a disability ‘gives back’. Do my defective knees perform acts of service? Or is my daily fainting somehow contributing to a greater good? If so, I haven’t seen the evidence or benefit.
I do not believe that this narrative is advantageous to the disabled community. Our value is not tied up in how well we overcome our disabilities. Disabled & sick people require accommodations. There will always be things we cannot do without assistance or at all. Our bodies do not function like the average person. There is no amount of determination or strength that can change that. The onus should not be on us to make abled bodied people feel comfortable with that. Disabled people should not have to be grateful, inspirational or make themselves ill trying to prove their worth.
There have also been calls for our government to address their obvious failings with regards to disability rights. The Tories have spent over a decade attacking disabled people. Their continued battle to deprive people of vital benefits has done untold harm. Purposely making it incredibly difficult for those with mental illness to qualify for support is intolerable. Their persistent refusal to acknowledge UN reports on the circumstances of disabled people in the UK. Along with long-standing inequalities such as disabled people being unable to live with a partner or marry without losing disability benefits. There are many urgent issues this government could address if they truly wanted to empower disabled people. This is very poorly executed lip service.
If someone wants to share about themselves, they will do so. If a person requires your assistance, they will request it. There are very few instances in which is imperative to know the details of someone’s disability. The exceptions, health & safety in the workplace, safely accessing facilities and so on can all be handled discretely & professionally. There is never a reason to intrude on a disabled person’s privacy. This campaign does the opposite of its stated objectives. Considering it is a Conservative initiative, no one is surprised.
* UK Disability Statistics Feb 2023.
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Today would be your 23rd birthday. I can’t imagine that I would be top of your party list. Mothers tend to cramp one’s style. Still, I think about how you would celebrate.
Would you feel too old for cake with candles? I wonder if a family dinner would be on the agenda. I picture your Gran fussing over you. Your Aunts & Uncles buying you drinks & taking the piss. I see you surrendered to your little cousin’s nonsense entreaties. It’s all perfect. Of course I know life wouldn’t always be that way, but this is what I hoped to give you.
Recently I’ve been wondering what would come next. When I kissed you goodbye, where would you be headed off to? I was self sufficient by 23. I graduated that year, I was living alone in a flat I hated & working a crappy job to get by. My mental health was a mess & adulting was a learning curve. It wasn’t all bad. I was young & answerable only to myself. I had good friends and we made the most of our youth. I partied as many nights a week as I could afford. I felt such satisfaction; paying the bills, managing a home. Living life on my terms. Always, though, you were missing.
I thought of how my life would be with you then as much as I do now. The younger years were easier to imagine. I don’t know what decisions you would have made. I’d have wanted you to go to University. I’m sure I’d be happy to still have you at home. Perhaps you’d have a partner. You could be just like me. A new graduate balancing a job & the clubs. Or maybe you’d have taken an entirely different route. I’d support anything that made you happy. I’d be proud of the man you would be becoming.
I only write today, but you’re in my thoughts every day. I’d have done whatever it took to give you everything you needed.
Season 2 is complete & I would like some credit for knowing that Aidan was a very bad idea from the get go.
We’ll get back to my i told you so later. Let’s kick off with the good, eh? Anthony is in love. Excellent. I’m not convinced by the whole internalised homophobia plot, but I am pleased he has a happy conclusion.
Miranda & Steve finally have the closure I was begging for. A recognition of what they shared & a promise of a friendly future. I loved Steve’s ‘I was right for a really long time’. It is lovely to see a relationship breakdown being portrayed as something other than failure. It doesn’t always last forever, but that doesn’t erase all the good that people share. Another big tick.
Che remains annoying. The tequila in Carrie’s kitchen, their insistence that those jokes were funny & to be honest their presence at the dinner wound me up. Nya’s (I had to remind myself of her name, which is not a good sign) handsome bar dude being the chef was a bit too romcom convenient. Similarly Seema’s I love you’ freak out was cliche, but I can let some things go. Carrie acquiring a kitten pleases me immensely. Bonus points for naming her Shoe. Samantha’s cameo was a let down, however at least in keeping with her character.
Which brings us back to where we started; Aidan. Now that she has sold her home & purchased a giant place he’s about to make redundant, he can bear to enter that apartment. The minute Carrie upends her entire life, he discovers that he can’t possibly take his eyes or thoughts off his kids for a second. Obviously a parent should always put their children’s needs first, but I’m not sure constant supervision is what his teen requires. It’s now that we learn that the ex wife is not a constant in the lives of the kids she flew to NYC to warn Carrie off. Aidan literally clicks his fingers & expects Carrie to freeze. There is only one possible answer to his 5yr wait proposition; FUCK OFF.
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Before I embark on the finale there are some things I need to get off my chest. Of course I am talking And Just Like That (AJLT). This second series is determined to piss us all of. Let’s get into it.
We can start with the open goal that was Lisa’s pregnancy story. They had the perfect opportunity to show an accurate portrayal of abortion. According to stats for the USA, the majority of those seeking abortions are already mothers. Instead of having a real conversation about her needs & options, they chose a brief exchange devoid of anyone actually saying the word abortion. The wrapped it up with the usual tv cop out of her having a miscarriage. Given the current attacks on reproductive rights I think this was a cowardly decision. More than ever we need honest, unashamed representation. A show like AJLT should be a natural place to do that.
On the flip side, I loved Charlotte’s drunken outburst. This highlighted an experience many mothers have. Almost every married Mother I know takes on more of the family labour than her partner. The constant need to be on top of every detail of everyone’s life is exhausting. Charlotte’s frustration was warranted & I am so glad she decided to let them have it. Letting Richard Burton into the room after slamming the door was the icing on the cake. As for Rock & their notebook; I’d have been firmly in the suck it up camp.
Now we come to the bit that got my blood pressure soaring. Che. What the fuck was that? Their stand up was woeful. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t remotely truthful. It had gross gatekeeping undertones & it was cruel. They enthusiastically pursued Miranda with their eyes wide open. Miranda’s boundaries & needs were repeatedly ignored. Che was happy as Larry until their career & ego took a knock. Their self pitying ‘this is who I am’ rant was epically unlikeable. Who you are is an arsehole. Enjoy.
While we’re on the subject, what the hell was Carrie playing at? Her arse should have been up & out that door seconds in. A real friend would have grabbed Miranda’s hand and taken her home. Further more Che’s dinner invite should have been immediately rescinded. If anyone dared to speak to my friend in that manner, never mind so publicly, they’d be feeling my wrath.
Carrie did slightly mitigate her ‘mistake’ bullshit when she talked about her marriage with Charlotte’s boss. Man alive, though, she’s getting on my wick. Her relationship with Aidan is exactly what it always was. He continues to passive aggressively let her know she will never be entirely forgiven. His ex pops up to protect him, her beloved apartment has to go and all the while I’m screaming STOP. Obviously trouble was looming and it comes with the worst crying scene I have ever witnessed. Seriously, that was some bad acting. I
How will it all end? We know there will be a Samantha cameo. I can only hope she talks some sense into everyone.
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Regular readers might have noticed the downturn in my long form content. There’s a very simple reason for that, chronic illness.
This year has been one thing after another. The last few months in particular have been gruelling. The problem with having chronic conditions is you often find yourself fire fighting. There are so many symptoms, it is impossible to properly deal with everything. You end up addressing the most problematic at any one time. Plus of course it can be hard to get Drs to really investigate many issues. Often they’ll just chalk up to an already diagnosed illness. Sometimes they’ll try to mitigate that symptom & others you are basically told you’ll have to live with it. I always have questions that aren’t answered. Unfortunately I run out of steam to pursue them. When you are always tired & in pain you must pick your battles.
Of course being fat complicates matters. The first response more is usually something about losing weight or questioning my diet. When I fight against that there will be what I call ‘subterfuge tests’. I’ve had more fasting bloods & cholesterol tests than anyone ever needs. After years of Drs refusing to believe anything I tell them, I find it is easier to just go for the bloods & prove myself right.
The last few months have been relentlessly hard. Pain has been consistently more severe. Digestive tract refuses to behave. I’m fainting daily. I’ve had the worst bout of insomnia of recent years, but even when my body eventually gives into the exhaustion; I awake feeling just as tired. Brain fog has punctured my old articulacy. I struggle for words in everyday conversation. I have lists & notes for every little thing. If it isn’t written down, it will never happen. My skin itches, my head hurts, alarming bunches of hair are falling out, I’m breathless, nauseous & anxious. ALL THE TIME.
I have suspected that something was going for a while. I can’t explain except to say that my body didn’t feel like it belonged to me. These ailments have been breaching my outer limits. So, I had some blood tests that revealed elevated numbers. My Gp wanted to test again a few weeks later to rule out a random blip. They came back slightly higher. A new medical mystery was born.
The high numbers are related to my liver function. There isn’t an obvious reason for my liver to be pissed off. I hardly ever drink alcohol, I don’t eat meat or dairy, no signs of diabetes. It doesn’t make much sense. Possible culprits include my missing gallbladder & bile duct complications, covid & no doubt my weight will become a factor too. I await scans & next steps.
All this to say, I am currently operating on a wing & prayer. And I’m not even religious.
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It’s And Just Like That time again. I’m a week behind for reasons. One of which is all the emotions I had over episode 8. It’s just a tv show, but I feel betrayed.
I already expressed my concerns about Aidan’s return. Well, they continue. The whiny baby still won’t step foot in Carrie’s apartment. So, now Carrie is renting Che’s place. Am I the only one who hearing the masculinity so fragile klaxon?
Pandering aside Carrie is slipping into icky habits. All of sudden her only topic of conversation is Aidan. She’s forgotten about her summer plans with Seema & then just assumes it would cool to bring her boyfriend. It’s not kind. Especially when the Seema wanted to share a beach house to avoid staying with married friends. Carrie knows her friend doesn’t want to be a 3rd wheel, it is shitty to pretend she isn’t creating an uncomfortable dynamic.
Then of course we have the heartbreaker. A couple of weeks shagging Aidan & she’s wondering if her soulmate was mistake. Fuck Off. Carrie didn’t want to settle down and have Aidan’s kids. She didn’t want to move to Virginia. She absolutely would not be living in a house with free roaming chickens. It’s all fine and dandy to reconnect & find themselves more compatible now. However, denying the reality of their previous relationship is just stupid. She broke out in a rash trying on a wedding dress. Carrie was never going to live happily ever after Aidan. Moreover, dismissing her life with Big is just gross. I have no idea what the writers were thinking. Have the new writers even watched Sex & The City? You don’t spend over a decade crafting an epic love story & expect viewers not to be invested.
I was still fizzing over the conversation with Miranda when Carrie doubled down. Her response to Che wondering why her & Aidan didn’t work out first time round was a twist of the knife. ‘I made a mistake’. What was her error? The affair, not marrying Aidan, choosing her dead husband? It’s vile. Also, who asks that question in those circumstances? They both had other lives, let it lie.
If Carrie wasn’t making sick enough, Charlotte was ready to poke my gag reflex. Her whole shape wear, soup diet story line was a fat phobic yawn. The resolution was worse. She saw a fat woman not hating herself, so now she could accept her objectively slim body. Seriously? Do better. Much better.
I know I care too much, but come on! These characters are flawed enough, let’s not make them impossible to watch. Before I brave the next episode I’m off to deal with real life & gain some perspective!
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Something in the way she moves... 
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