The close of 2023 is fast approaching. Like many people, year end has me in a reflective mood. I’ve read a couple of year in reviews, both personal & global. I even had a look at my own from last year. All of which left me less than cheery.

I realised it has been a year of horror for the world. A year of underwhelming achievement for me. Neither elevates my mood. Given just how brutal & cruel events have been my own struggles pale. I still can’t quite shake the societal pressure to produce.

My health has been a shit show this year. That has greatly impacted my professional output. It has in fact resulted in subpar scores across the board. My house is a mess, my social life is decimated & my very ability to stay upright has been comprised. I don’t feel like a ‘productive member of society’. I’ve had to lean on friends & family more than I like and my ‘23 goals mostly remain unattained. I haven’t been able to attend protests or pull my weight on issues that desperately matter. There hasn’t been much to feel proud of.

I’m sure I am not alone in this feeling. It’s a tough time for many people. Maybe it is ok if we’re just getting by. Worth is not measured in such narrow parameters. Not giving up has value. Engaging and caring about the world matters. It can be difficult to really believe that when bombarded by hustle culture.

I get it. Intellectually I know that human merit isn’t about hours worked or pounds made. There is though, a part of me that feels inadequate when I can’t work. I feel ashamed of the overflowing washing basket and unwashed dishes. These feelings aren’t doing me or anyone else any good. I didn’t choose to be chronically ill and I am trying my best.

All of this to say, if you’re toting up your year and feel the total wanting; think again. You got up every day and did what you could. You’ve made a difference in lots of ways that you might not even realise. Small kindnesses, commiserations & making friends laugh. Perhaps even a smile you gave to a stranger in the street. People love you. You are appreciated. You made it through whatever struggles weighed you down. I did too. Maybe that is enough.

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