I’ve been bogged down in the day to day of late. Very little excitement. Lots of drudge. This time of year tends to be a bit like this for me.
The miserable weather makes me want to hunker down a little. This results in me kicking about the house in my comfies much of the time. Every now and then I need a wee treat to remind me it’s fun to put an outfit together. This month’s push were these amazing snag tights.
I love snags. There is nothing worse than constantly having to haul your tights up & snags don’t budge. This pair is a fine wool, so cosy without being bulky. I think they look adorable with this dress & t-shirt. Probably even better with a slinky wee evening number. Should I ever embark on a night out again I’ll be sure to give them a bash.
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The summer holidays are drawing to close in Scotland. Thus, the last few weeks have been filled with nibling adventures. It’s been tricky balancing ebullient days with enough rest, which has caused a few problems. All entirely worth it.
In the biggest and most exciting news, I have a new nibling. My sister had another boy a few weeks ago and he is of course, perfect. Everyone is doing great & my big boy is absolutely loving being a brother. I had my first adventure out with the tiny little man last week. My sis & I plus both boys checked out Beyond Van Gogh. It’s an immersive art exhibit and we loved it. The little man was captivated by all the colour and light. Big boy fascinated by the whole ear thing. I did really enjoy the experience, but I would have liked some smaller rooms for a more immersive feel. I think it would have felt more like stepping into the art in smaller spaces.
I felt like wearing something exuberant to delve into Van Gogh. I plumped for a retro vibe, with this floral dress and petticoat. I always feel very femme & pretty in this shape.
Dress & Petticoat – Lindy Bop
Summer wouldn’t be complete without a trip to the Glasgow Science Centre (GSC). The kids love being able touch and investigate everything. The twins especially enjoyed a big safe space that they can have free run of. Their big sister really took to the floor that explores the human body. Her sprint time & jump height were extraordinary. The naked body & skeletons also garnered some attention. I met my manager from when I worked at the science centre and was surprised to discover he remembered me. In fact colleagues had recently been talking me. Considering it’s been twenty years, I’m a little concerned about what made me stick in their heads. Past idiosyncrasies aside, we had a fabulous day. Special shout out to gift shop, which bucks the trend of insanely expensive price tags. They have a great range of fun & affordable treats.
GSC is always insanely hot. I suppose that’s bound to happen in building made from concrete and glass. To mitigate this I went for my new little vesty dress. Ten out of ten, so comfortable and light. It is definitely going to be a staple.
Dress – Nobody’s Child. Kimono – Simply Be
On the less fun side the heat has been playing havoc with my Pots. There has been so much dizziness and a few fainting disasters. Air hunger has also been a huge problem. I have upped my water intake, doing electrolyte drinks, lots of sitting down, breathing excerises, fans & so on. All to now avail. I’m really hoping symptoms might diminish as the temperature cools. The new problem is Cubital Tunnel Syndrome. It’s caused by compression of a nerve in the elbow and results in numbness, pain and weakness in the hand. My right pinky & ring finger started getting pins & needles a few months ago and it never went away. Half of my hand is now constantly numb and the remaining half is very weak. I don’t have a lot of pain, but not having full use of my dominant hand is a significant challenge. I’ve had my elbow x rayed & it has mild degenerative changes, which may be the source of the problem. Again I’m doing everything I can and so far no improvement. I have excercises, wear a splint at night, changed my arm position when typing. I’m waiting to see physio. This condition can be reversed, but it frustrating to be stuck with another limitation in the mean time. Fingers crossed that physio helps. Spoonie life is kicking my arse.
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Things have been rough since I lost Bronan. I keep expecting him to wander into the room. I’m home most of the time, so we were together all the time. My daily habits and routines were centred around my boy. Eveything feels off without him.
I had Bronan cremated & he’s back home now. I also have a little bit of his fur. I haven’t completely decided, but I think I will scatter a little of him in his garden with some forget me not seeds. I will keep the rest of his ashes home with me. The people I worked with were wonderful. Very compassionate & professional. I am grateful that they made our last moments together so peaceful.
I have been seeking solace in my little ones. They are so loving and wonderful. They offer temporary distraction from my sadness. It’s summer holidays, so we’ve had time to have lots of adventures. We’ve been to the park, swimming, the cinema and more.
My adult people have also been wonderful. It’s very comforting to be around people who don’t need me to explain how I’m feeling. I want to say thank you to everyone who has been so kind here & on Instagram etc. I appreciate all of your lovely words.
It’s another Bank Holiday weekend. The kids had a few days off school and the weather looked promising. Obviously we had to go on some adventures.
On Friday I hit the Museum of Rural Life with my bestie and niblings. They loved checking out the giant vintage machinery and learning all about the local wildlife. My highlight was the tractor ride and baby cows. The kids seemed to enjoy everything. It was a warm dry day when he set out, so I braved a summery outfit. It did start to rain about ten mins before home time, but we managed not to get too soaked.
Top – Taking Shape Skort – Simply Be Kimono – Simply Be
Saturday was sister & the boy time. We headed to the Riverside Museum. We hadn’t been here for a few years and there have been loads of changes. All positive. The boy loved it. Like me, he was a fan of the old street. I was also happy to discover that the museum had those cool little portable chairs; allowing me to sit whenever I needed to. Two days in a row is a lot for me, so I attempted to put a little pep in my step with an excellent outfit. I think this one was a winner.
Dress – M&S Petticoat – Lindy Bop
I had an amazing time with the little ones, but unfortunately my body rebelled on Sunday. Along with the usual pain & fatigue there was much vomiting. I had a seriously rough night and today I am utterly wiped out. Bronan & I are having rest. Hope your holiday weekend was just as fun with fewer negative repercussions.
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Last week was hectic. I packed in way more than was sensible. So, of course I’m entirely out of spoons now. It was worth it, though. I had some productive meetings and lovely time with people I care about.
First there was the little matter of tests and seeing some consultants. Unfortunately this involved pretty much an entire day in hospital, mostly waiting. Listen, I am very grateful for our NHS, I doubt I’d still be here without it. However, watching the impact of Tory cuts over the last decade is deeply frightening. Sickness, ageing accidents will touch all of our lives. We need a functioning NHS, it is a miraculous institution. Please keep that in mind when you are casting your votes.
Tuesday involved meetings about an exciting opportunity, which I feel good about. I long ago abandoned cosplaying as a suit. I feel fake & uncomfortable in that get up. I don’t present my best self that way. Thus, I turn up as me and I find that gets the best results.
Skirt – Gift
The following day was all Bronan. We went for his bloods & then a had bit of a wild goose chase for his insulin. Fridge malfunctions caused some problems, but we got there in the end. Bronan was very grumpy about his extended time in his carrier, but once home he got thoroughly pampered.
By Thursday it was time for a reward. I put on a pretty dress and had a catch up with my very favourite man. We went to Brutti Compadres. I love it there because the have the best tapas and Rosè sangria. Plus amazing lighting that makes it feel like you’re bathed in sun. It was so nice to forget about the miserable Scottish winter. Even nicer to bask in the company of someone delightful.
Dress – Forever 21 Shrug – H&M Tights – Snag
I finished the week in the best way possible; surrounded by niblings. I spent the day playing with Batman and baby bunnies, looking up cheeky animals on my phone and finding out about the latest happenings at school. I also had a good gab with their Mamma. Friday done right.
Trousers – Glamour @ Asos Cardigan – Handmade
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I love Christmas. The focus on giving and spending time with loved ones is special. I like the way it makes strangers wish each other merry. It warms my heart to see little ones really believing in the magic of Santa Claus. Tis the season, right?
Well, yes and also a little bit no. The last few weeks have been a whirl of wrapping gifts, singing carols with excited little people, twinkly lights & festive fun. I have adored every minute of it. However, now that all the presents are delivered and prep is completed I feel a tad blue. This always happens. I needed a rest day before the main event, but as soon as I slow down it hits.
My siblings and friends are having cosy days at home with their families. My Christmas nest is empty. I can’t help but think of what could have been. All traditions I wanted to pass on; opening just one present on Xmas eve, fuzzy red stockings with their names in gold, snuggling with Santa hyped darlings as we read a new festive bed time story. Then the frantic readying of gifts whilst my babies sleep. Santa presents wouldn’t be wrapped in my house; just lain out beautifully in the living room. Ready to be enjoyed the second they wake. There wouldn’t be any Christmas morning rules. Rising before dawn, chocolate for breakfast, all out Christmas chaos would be just fine. There’s an unsung seasonal opera in my head.
I know I’m very lucky. Tomorrow I will be with family. Exchanging gifts and clinking glasses. I’ll watch my nephew tear open his gifts and be loaded with big loving squeezes. I’m safe, warm & loved. That is a lot to be grateful for. There’s still hint of sorrow for the dreams that didn’t come to pass.
I know I’m not alone in being touched by sadness at this time of year. If you’re struggling this year, I’m sending love. If joy is out reach I hope you can find some peace.
Something in the way she moves... 
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