5 things I liked in April…

April has been a very up & down month. Lots of really lovely time spent with my littles & their people. Also, an equal amount of time despairing at current events & struggling with mood dips.

I have coined the name ‘Depression Light’ for this state. It’s not deepest, darkest agony. More of an ugh that makes everything feel a bit futile. I am generally anxious and really not sleeping well. Sometimes it’s the little things that keep you afloat. These have been my buoyancy aids this month.

Spring Lambs

Taking my niblings to see the newborn lambs at a Farm Park was very life affirming. Watching the kids pet the baby lambs & their Mums was really wonderful. I even got a wee snuggle in myself. We learned that most sheep have twins, some have triplets & even rarely have quads. Imagine having all those little legs inside you? Animals are incredible. They mostly give birth all on their own and their babies are up on their precious little legs within 20mins. All that & they are adorable.

Iron Strawberry

My silly body doesn’t properly digest iron. To combat the resultant anemia I have occasional iron infusions and daily iron supplements. My liquid iron came in a revolting mint chocolate flavour. It did not taste at all like chocolate. The best description I can give of the flavour is a gritty, oily minty nightmare. I did not enjoy swallowing a spoon of it twice a day. The arrival of this month’s prescription brought a partial reprieve; strawberry flavoured iron! Honestly, it doesn’t taste good, but it is not the horror show of the minty choc. Small victories.

Vinyl Bonding

One of the things my niece requested for Xmas was a record player. She’s 15 and very into all things retro. It came as quite a shock that most the retro she’s loving hails from my hey day. Once I got over how old that made me, I have been loving introducing her to classics from my youth. Turns out we have similar musical tastes. I have been loving sending her old albums and the long FaceTimes we have to discuss them. I was worried that I’d lose my cool auntie status once she hit high school. Alanis Morrisette, Jeff Buckley and our joint penchant for saying it how it is might just buy me another few years.

The ‘Beautiful’ Game

A funny thing happened whilst I was doing some research for a piece. The piece was on football culture, I am familiar as an observer. I grew up in the West Of Scotland surrounded by football fanatics. I know a bit about football culture. I don’t however enjoy the game. It bores the life out of me. However, during my research I discovered something I unexpectedly love. Stick to Football, is a podcast (it’s filmed too) where ex footballers talk about football. Except they stray from the topic and it’s hilarious. Especially Roy Keane. I doubt I could have told you who he was a few months ago, I am now a bonafide fan. I do have to fast forward when they get bogged down in tactics and players I’ve never heard of, but I still look forward to a new weekly episode. I even ended up reading both of Keane’s books. Those close to me find it hilarious that I, the vocal hater, am an avid watcher of something with football in the title. Hey, you can’t help what you love.

Comfort Reads

Whenever I’m feeling down I turn to literature for comfort. When my insomnia starts acting up I need a steady stream of familiar favourites. This month I have been re reading some of my most loved novels. Jane Austen is a go to, I love sinking into her world. I started the month with Persuasion & am finishing it off with Mansfield Park. You can’t beat a clever woman getting the happy ending she deserves. Also at the ready was Barbara Trapido. The Travelling Hornplayer holds a special place in my heart. I found it at a difficult time and it has brought me peace on every read. It even partly inspired one of my tattoos. Trapido weaves intricate stories with overlapping characters. A truly beautiful writer. Her only flaw being the focus on middle class/oxbridge set, but the storytelling is so good that I can forgive it. Finally, I sought refuge in Carrie Fisher. Fisher was the first writer whose words expressed my experience of mental illness. She was a genius; no one on the planet ever wrote like her. This month I choose Delusions of Grandma & Surrender the Pink, but I suspect I’ll be diving into her catalogue again in May.

What gets you through?

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Jingle the shingles…

My absence has continued. I know, I’m full of excuses. I’m apologise. I just keep getting ill or my meds get messed up or the someone in the world does another really fucked up thing. Anyway, this time it’s shingles. Again.

Yup, I have shingles for the third time in 2yrs. I feel a little bit cursed, but my dr assure me it’s actually my immune system and stress that are the culprits. Oh and being a woman; another perk of my sex. We caught it quick, anti virals galore with a bit of luck it won’t get too horrendous. I feel shitty, but it’s manageable. In amongst all my of body’s fuckwittery there has also been a touch of writers block and a general lack of motivation. What I can offer you is some mini reviews of books that have been keeping company.

We’ll start with good, The Alienist by Caleb Carr. This was re read, but the first read was so long ago that I had forgotten most of the details. I enjoyed it so much that I dove straight into the next book in the series, The Angel of Darkness. Both are set in 1890’s NYC. They follow a group of unofficial detectives on the trail of horrific serial killers. They’re led by Dr Kreisler, a pioneering psychologist who uses his unorthodox theories to capture their foe. The rest of the team is comprised of journalist John Moore, trailblazing police secretary Sara Howard and experts in new detective & forensic techniques the Issacson brothers. I love the way emerging ideas that are now commonplace are intertwined throughout the story. They’re classic crime thrillers with intriguing characters. Incredibly engaging, highly recommend.

I am less effusive about Love Untold by Ruth Jones. The book follows four generations of women in a family. It is an interesting story, but not well executed. Some of the character flaws make it difficult to like them, which impacts the books resolution. I also find the plot reveals to be clunky. The book meanders for chapters and then has huge plot dumps. It felt very unsatisfying.

My sister lent me Three Hours by Rosamund Lipton. It’s not my usual thing, but I enjoyed it. Set during a school shooting and told from various perspectives. It is a high tension page turner with some nice twists. The characters are really well developed; the other does a fantastic job of making you care about them.

I hope to regain my mojo very soon. I am doing my best to get into the Christmas spirit. Fingers crossed!

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Wrapped up in books…

The few weeks I have been reading some impulse buys. I had a load of Waterstones stamps to spend and decided to pick up some books that took my fancy without knowing much about them.

First up, Luckenbooth by Jenni Fagan. The book follows the events in an Edinburgh tenement over the course of 100yrs. It includes the stories of a diverse group of characters with a consistent occult undercurrent. I loved that each tenant’s story was full of surprises. The inclusion of real events and nods to social values of each period kept me engaged. In fact, I really wanted more on some of the characters. If you like a bit of spooky history you will enjoy this.

I finished David Mitchell’s Unruly this morning. I would happily had read his take on another few centuries. I’ve always been fascinated by royal history. Mostly because it is horrific to consider how the whims of avaricious men impacted the course of history. Mitchell’s comedic touch greases the wheels of brutal history. The book is exactly what it claims to be, an entertaining account of English Kings & Queens. History buff or not this one is worth a read, it’s genuinely a page turner. I love when people have the talent to make potentially dense material accessible.

I have another couple of from that little haul to go. I’ll let you know if they were good picks too.

If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.

A hit that’s a miss

A few months ago someone recommended a book. They were so effusive that I added it to my ‘to be read’ pile. Then I forgot about it until I started seeing trailers for It Ends With Us. The ads intrigued me & sparked a memory of that book I was urged to read.

I don’t do many full on book reviews, but this Colleen Hoover’s It Ends With Us left me with things to say. The buzz about the movie certainly peeked my interest & probably made me want to add my tuppence too.

We can start with the positive. It is a compelling story. Generational trauma, first love, the ascent to adulthood. The author aims to make important points and she hits some of them. The sex scenes are well executed. I actually think it will make a good film.

Now, let’s get to the problems. First up, it’s not well written. The protagonist’s voice gave me the ick from the jump. The story takes her from 15yrs old into adulthood, but the voice does not mature. It is cringey and juvenile. Given the subject matter, it feels uncomfortable. I also had problems with some lazy plotting. Everyone is rich & coincidence abounds. Need help with your business? No problem, a super rich woman who needs distraction & has the exact skills you require will wander into your premises & work for a pittance. Oh & she’s the sister of a mysterious guy you have a huge thing for; crazy.

Then there are those issues Hoover wanted to address. In the Notes from Author, Hoover does admit that although she usually writes for entertainment this novel was intended to educate. I think in her efforts to do that she overshot on two counts. At various points throughout the book I felt like I was reading a PSA. Lily’s internal monologue on how complicated domestic violence is felt less like someone trying to make sense of trauma & more like educational material. While I absolutely agree with the points being made, it jerked me out of the character’s world. The second over reach was Ryle’s backstory. I felt in her efforts to show how complex intimate partner abuse is she tipped into trying to make him too sympathetic. Especially in contrast to what we know of Lily’s father. For me, there was too much consideration of his past, his feelings, his experience. I understand the motivation behind that, but in my opinion the scales tipped too far at times.

Overall, I’d say skip the book & see the film. Not a sentiment I often express, but I’m a book snob. Colleen Hoover’s writing just doesn’t live up to the hype.

If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.

Song of home…

I am a bit of a homebody & a big believer in making ones home an extension of oneself. With that in mind I am finally getting around to some decorating. Chronic illness can slow the pace on big projects like this, but I am making headway. 

My interior style is (as might be expected) is a hodge podge with books, photographs of loved ones, candles & 2nd hand finds taking centre stage. I have some gorgeous pieces of antique furniture which I have just added a perfect little drop leaf table to.  

I am focusing my decorating zeal on my most used rooms. First up being my living room. I am keeping most of my walls neutral & paying homage to my one true love with this awesome library wallpaper.

  
I am running with the literary theme with these booky cushions.  

And giving a nod to some other passions with these playful additions. 

  
The rainbow feminist cushion is going to pair perfectly with the blanket my darling mother hand crocheted just for me

  

I’m keeping curtains simple & illuminate the room with this quirky lamp.

  

My main light shade will remain unchanged. To be honest I inherited this & was not originally a fan. However adding a halogen light bulb basically turned this fixture into mood lighting. Observe & admire.

  
In my bedroom I really want to shift gear. It’s currently sporting a vivid red wall, which whilst kind of sexy; needs tamed. I’m hoping to create a sanctuary. With that in mind I’m opting for great tones on the walls. I think grey is a much maligned shade, in it’s softer shades, I find it very soothing. I plan to lift the greys with copper light fighting & frames. Finally I will indulge my deep & abiding affecfion for flamingos. I feel a certain kinship with these birds as love or loathe them, you will notice them. I too am a creature who tends to stand out. 

  
  
  
  
Again I’ll keeping window dressing minimal, my beloved black out blind will be flying solo. I’ll be dipping my toe in the artistic pool & attempting to create some art ;taking inspiration from some favourite lyrics, in this case the Beatles’ across the universe. 

Last, but not least what bedroom would be complete without a nod to its intimate nature.

  
I’ll be sure to update you with pictures when the work is done.