I had some bad news recently that is taking me a little time to process. I’m fine, it’s not related to my health. The last few weeks have felt somewhat surreal, life goes on, but I am caught in my own head. I hate to be so mysterious, I will share more when I’m ready.
In the meantime, I feel somewhat contained in my own bubble. A little trip up north with family was lovely. Lots of peace, fresh air and of course carry on with the boy. We absolutely adored the outdoor infinity pool at Portavadie. Warm as a bath, but surrounded by the wildness of the loch. It was beautiful.
This boy loves to torture me with seaweed.
In keeping with this air of strangeness are the election results. I don’t know entirely how to feel about the situation we find ourselves in. I am of course delighted to witness the Tories decimated. However, it is hard to rejoice in a Labour landslide when they are a mere hair’s breadth away for being Conservatives. The rise of Reform is terrifying. I despair at the ignorance & hate that drives their increased popularity. SNP losses are incredibly disheartening and I hope in part due to an anti Tory rather than pro Labour vote in Scotland. I don’t feel hopeful of real change under Starmer. I would love to be proven wrong.
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The internet is wonderful. It provides so many opportunities to learn, connect, help. It’s entertaining. I use it every damn day, but there’s always a catch.
Join me as I let off a little steam about that catch. Let’s begin with the old foe; men. There are so many men with oh so many opinions online. There’s the reply guy who must say something. The sleazy guys who just have to objectify every female presenting person they scroll upon. The scammers who think every woman becomes an idiot when contacted by surgeon, soldier or pilot. The obsequious guys & the ‘I want to be your sugar daddy’ guys. Last but not least annoying are the gotta throw inane insults at fat women guys. They’re all tedious. I don’t want creepy compliments or offers. I couldn’t care less what some random man thinks about my body or anything else. Stop assuming that you can impose your thoughts on strangers. I am not flattered by your compliments or interested in your preferences. What I am is disgusted, tired and sometimes fucking angry.
Less toxic, but the irritation factor remains high with the tarot, spiritualist, astrology charlatans. Every one of my social media inboxes are jammed with ‘offers’. Just send my DOB, mother’s maiden name & first pet’s name for a free expert reading. Even if I were stupid enough to fall for that con I still wouldn’t believe in any of the tripe they are preaching. I’m also smart enough not to use any of the requested info as security questions. I’d bet most of the population are equally savvy. Stop bothering me. I resent the minutes and finger taps I exert to block you.
Given our fast approaching election, politics loom large. That’s fine with me, I’ve always been political and the Tories need to go. My complaint is two fold. Firstly, the gammon. The folk who get all their information from GB News & use that propaganda to legitimise their hateful beliefs. As hard as I try I can’t not be angry when I see comments spouting vile and untrue hyperbole. I despise how many people have so eagerly adopted the most hateful far right rhetoric. I could not be more sick of seeing it every day. Secondly, I despair that the parliamentary Labour Party has abandoned its soul. Keir Starmer is barely discernible from the incumbents. We deserve better. 13yrs of Conservative rule has ravaged this country. People are suffering and they should have a real alternative.
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We once again find ourselves in this strange liminal time between one big day & the next. A time I spend mostly in my jammies eating whatever does not require cooking. All the while feeling somewhat discombobulated. Since I am struggling to keep track of the days or my own thoughts, I’m going to leap into a little flight of fancy.
For no apparent reason I am finishing the year with an ode to Ian Hislop. I love the man. He does occasionally rankle me with his SNP mockery, but I simply can’t help adoring him anyway.
His editorship at Private Eye makes the magazine one of life’s essentials. A fortnightly dose of punctured hypocrisy is needed more than ever. Whilst Have I got Got News for You brings weekly shot of joy.
I am drawn to his wit. I find his brand of comical judgement irresistible. A man who knows his classics & can still laugh at himself bowls me over. As does a sense of genuine decency. Mr Hislop possesses all of the above.
His cute face turning stern as he crushes a corrupt politician sets my heart a flutter. My attraction only grows as he grows older and more crumply. In 30 years of fandom I have yet to discover any truly unpleasant views. He is a shining of example of the rare ‘nice man’.
His enduring marriage both confirms my belief in his eligibility and damns my hopes of ever catching his twinkly eye. I am a sucker for a man who can maintain a happy long term relationship. It is certainly not conducive to capturing objects of my affection since their interest in me would immediately destroy the family man qualities that attracted me. Alas, I cannot help but admire a loyal husband.
Embarrassing a Tory Mp on national television will always win you my affection. So too will being a cat person evidenced by the appearance of Colin during lockdown. Hankering for men who embrace their oddities has always been my thing. Thus I cannot help be enamoured with Ian’s proud ownership of interests that others seek to mock.
Though he will never be mine, I shall forever yearn for the esteemed satirist. A slightly unusual intellectual with basic human goodness lights my fire. You can keep your hunks & rocks stars. I want the little guy with integrity and an uncanny ability to give powerful people a tongue lashing.
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I stumbled upon this article about the discovery of octopus cities. The gloomy octopus was thought to be solitary until biologists discovered two octopus communities in Australian waters. I just love the description of their behaviour and the way they have built their homes. I especially love the names given to these underwater metropolises; Octopolis and Octantlis. Perfect!
Prince of Thieves
During bad insomnia bouts I often seek middle of the night distraction. When exhausted & fed up I want very specific viewing, something that doesn’t require too much concentration & won’t give me bad feels. Last week Kevin Costner’s stint as Robin Hood fitted the criteria. I hadn’t seen it in decades & was pleasantly surprised by the happy memories it brought up. You see, I originally viewed this film at the cinema in 1991. I’m one of four kids and as such cinema trips were complicated. No one wanted to see this film. At 15 my oldest brother was mortified to be anywhere with the rest of us. My next brother was hyped for one of the naked gun sequels. I was absolutely desperate to see Don’t Tell Fred (still haven’t caught it), my wee sis craved a cartoon and I think my parents were sorry they brought us. Anyway, much bickering & ‘we’ll take you all home’ later we settled in for the Robin & gang. A miracle happened, we all loved it. As I watched I remembered how much fun we had that afternoon and felt all kinds of nostalgia.
Bye Boris
Of course I would like more consequences for the over privileged fuckwit, but removal from parliament is a start. Resigning rather than face further scrutiny is cowardly, but at least he is removed from a position of power. I sincerely hope his political career is dead & buried.
Cooling Cola
It’s too damn hot! I know, I’m never happy. I can handle the cold and I can’t handle the sun either. Once the temp climbs over the early 20’s I am struggling. Thus I have been devouring ice lollies. It has made me very happy to find that calypo now have a cola lolly. My deepest love frozen. Yes please.
Good Day Sunshine
The sun has its hat on for a while now. If I think about it too much, I realise that is a terrifying sign of global warming. For the sake of not drifting into existential doom, I won’t. A bit of sunshine does feel nice. It makes everyone a little cheerier. I can pretend I’m on holiday. I can wear my sunnies all the time & fan myself dramatically. Mr Sun is beginning to push his luck; I don’t need 27°C daily. I do still enjoy seeing everyone else love it.
Towering Downfall
The indictments are piling up. Things are beginning look precarious for the ex president. I’m still scared he’ll somehow wriggle out of trouble. However, given he has repeatedly admitted, nah boasted that he has done everything he is accused of, it is difficult to see how he can escape punishment. I am desperately hoping one of these prosecutions at the very least puts a stop to him running for office.
Private Eye
The last few issues have been particularly good. It just brings a little joy to my life. Simple as that.
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If you’re still on the look out for original gifts read on. I have more glorious independent businesses & creators for you to explore.
Flamingosaurus Rex is a gorgeous gallery in Edinburgh. They showcases talented artists & always have the most covetable art. You can buy digital prints & funky stationary on their site or drop into the gallery if you’re local.
Topple and Burn make radical, left wing apparel & jewellery. I have so many pieces already and I will undoubtedly buy more. Their ‘Fuck the Tories’ Xmas jumper is an absolute dream. Topple & Burn practise what they preach by supporting excellent causes. You can’t go wrong with a purchase form here.
Juniper & Friends is an animal rescue & rehab. The women behind the store does incredible work with foxes, possums, skunks & more. She rehabilitates injured wildlife & gives a home to animal that cannot be released into the wild. I have been following all the amazing wee creatures in her life on Instagram forever. Watching these animals grow & thrive is wonderful. You can support this incredible work & get yourself some adorable items at the same time. Juniper & Friends have merch ranging from tees to art work created by the animals. These would make the perfect gift for any animal lover.
I will never stop singing the praises of Wilde Mode. Their pieces are size inclusive, gender free and zero waste. All staff are paid a living wage and materials are ethically sourced. They have the most diverse ad campaigns and of course their products are amazing. Their knickers are the comfiest I have ever worn. With an extending product range, there is something for everyone. Go shop!
Finally we have Fugly Plates , recycling old crockery into sweary works of art. I love eveything they do. Re using old things that no one wants is always a good thing. Even better when the final product is so cool. If you have a foul mouthed friend this the place to shop.
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I believe the ‘May you live in interesting times’ debate is well and truly settled. These times are no blessing. Life has become that dog in the burning house meme. We’re all expected to carry on, but hey, I don’t think any of us are fine.
In recent years we’ve had the rise of the right. Politicians who have zero interest in the common good, civic responsibility or even telling the fucking truth. Police are still murdering POC without consequence, whilst they simultaneously neglect to intervene when a maniac massacres small children. The poor get poorer, the rich get richer. Footballers have to intervene to feed hungry children because our leaders have absolutely no interest in people who aren’t just like them. A global pandemic is killing millions and spawned a new kind of selfish. The same people who won’t wear a piece of cloth on their face to protect other will happily force a ten year old child to give birth to a rapist’s child. A new, extra virulent type of anti vaxxer has infected our society. Marginalised groups are more at threat than ever; hate crimes soar. The American right to a gun cannot be challenged, but abortion, gay marriage, trans rights, basic medical care and voting rights are always on the table. The tories lie, cheat and steal right under our noses. They rape and harass to no one’s surprise and the party doesn’t even have the decency to be embarrassed. Parliamentary goal posts are moved at will, Mp’s get a raise and workers whose wages don’t even keep up with inflation are shamed for striking. Covid, corruption, inequality and of course inflation rage. The PM has gold wallpaper and blow jobs in Westminster. The rest of us dread the electric bill and can’t afford butter. While he’s paying his various flings with public money disabled people can’t even co habit without losing meagre government assistance. The earth we stand on is crumbling beneath our feet and I haven’t even scratched the surface. There’s a whole world of cruelty out there, it never ends.
Did you think that paragraph never end? Where you begging for full stop followed by nothing? Join the club. This isn’t burnout. I don’t need a bit self care and neither do you. We need a revolution. Watching the scummiest humans on the planet make everything worse day after day, year after will destroy any decent person.
If you feel like you’re losing it, I think that’s perfectly reasonable. If you’re angry and sad and feel utterly helpless, I’m right there with you. I am sorry that you’re expected to carry on regardless. I’m sorry that you must live in these intolerable times without any grace. I don’t know what will make any of this any easier, but if you do, please give that to yourself. Don’t apologise for what you need or your reaction to our atrocious world. Nothing is ok, we don’t have to waste energy pretending it is.
* Obviously let’s all organise, protest, donate, vote and support each other as much as we are able. Change won’t happen if we don’t force it, but please also take care of yourself.
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Yesterday I did a thing that I thought I could no longer do. Let me tell you, it felt fucking awesome. For the first time in more than a decade I hit a festival and I am going to tell you all about it.
Trnsmt Festival takes place on Glasgow Green in the centre of my dear home town. Back in my day the Glasgow fest to be at was Gig on the Green. In my youth I saw Feeder, Pulp, the Chilli Peppers, Foo Fighters, Travis and so many more on this big patch of green in the middle of the city. I loved those days of dancing, drinking and screaming out lyrics. Unfortunately, festivals had been added to the list of the things chronic illness made impossible.
Then came Trnsmt with its excellent accesible facilities and my beautiful sister with her VIP tickets. All of a sudden 41yr old, mobility impaired and pain inflicted me is back with the band(s). They put the effort in to make the festival as accessible as possible. With accommodations for hearing & sight impaired customers. Disabled viewing platforms with amazing views, accessible toilets that catered to all needs, free water taps to fill up and no queue sections at bars/vendors. There was an area for guide dogs to relax as well as a cool chill out zone for people who needed it. Blue badge parking & disabled entrance which cut the trek to the action was also available on request. Of course their were first aiders and medical assistance points. The accessible passes were easy to apply for. A quick online form, proof of PIP (if in receipt, passes were available with a short explanation of your needs without evidence) and Blue Badge number for parking were all that was required. Free companion tickets were available via the same process. I was able to enjoy the full festival experience whilst also having all my needs met. I can’t speak for everyone, but the organisers get a big round of applause from me.
Necklace – Topple and Burn Sunnies – Where Light
As good as the accessibility was I was still grateful to have those VIP bands. The VIP area was a great staging ground for our day. We were able to sit down, eat and plan in comfort. The toilets in this area were also a huge step up from any porto loo. Extra bonus of separate VIP entrance & exit to avoid the crowds. All considered, the ticket prices aren’t that much more, I would definitely recommend. With the sun shining, music in the air and our free Prosecco in hand we headed into a day to remember.
First on our list was Wet Leg; a band my sis was dying to see. I thought I didn’t know them, but turns out they are big on Tik Tok and I already loved a few of their songs. My bestie and I thought they sounded a lot like the Riot Grrrls of our youth, but the kids were still loving them. After a cider on the grass and a lot of help getting back up again we headed to the King Tut’s stage. Comfortably seated on the viewing platform we bopped to CMAT and Self Esteem. Self Esteem was bloody good, definitely added to my Spotify likes. We could see the crowd demographic shifting to our age group as Maximo Park hit the stage for an energetic set. The cider continued to flow as we enjoyed Jimmy Eat world and then headed back to the main stage for the headliner.
The Strokes were superb. Classics mixed with newer stuff. An amusing jam whilst an amp was fixed. Some slightly odd banter and even a nod to Monty Python. I had missed the feeling of partying in a field with thousands of other people more than I knew. Watching the sun go down as your favs blast out songs you love is quite the buzz. I have so many amazing memories set to The Strokes, most of them with my sis and Pam. It was incredible to be making more with them.
The vibe at Trnsmt was just like the old days. Friendly, drunk and pleasantly raucous. I particularly loved all the body liberation on show. Folks of all shapes, sizes, genders and ages rocking whatever they wanted. All looking fabulous and giving zero fucks. I was also chuffed to discover that I haven’t lost all my party girl credentials. I can still guzzle the cider without embarrassing myself. Even better several pints and a tonne of water in, I was still able to go the entire day with visiting a loo. Anyone who has ever been to a festival (or whose every step hurts) knows that is the ultimate skill.
Dress – Simply Be
The day was all the better for being with my sister and best friend. They always help me without making me feel like a horrible burden. Plus of course, they are the fucking best fun ever. Here’s to accessibility and good times!
In recent weeks the cost of disability debate seems to be all over the place again. Mainly able bodied folk rudely telling disabled folk what we do & do not need. It is of course offensive and exceptionally annoying to be on the receiving end of this. Debating your reality us never fun. Hence, I thought I’d do a little run down of the day to day expenses that my disabilities incur. I am far from the worst case scenario, so bare that in mind when you’re processing this.
It feels important to make it clear that sick & disabled people are rarely just given the things they require. There is a myth that equipment, money, human support & treatments are just handed out to anyone asking. They absolutely are not. Any help we do receive is procured through humiliating assessments, long waiting lists & much general fuckwittery. At the end of which our requests are often denied. It’s a special kind of torture to lay yourself bare to unfeeling beaurocrats only to be gaslit & told you’re fine. Or, sometimes even more frustrating, It’s accepted that you need help & such help exists, but it is not available to you for ‘reasons’. We are screwed over time & again, left with the option of paying for the thing ourselves or never getting it. When the thing that must be paid for is essential, that’s not really a choice.
So, bearing in mind that many disabled people’s ability to work full time (or at it all) is impacted by their conditions, how do you think your pocket would deal with this.
Travel
I can’t get around much on my own as I can’t walk very far. During Covid public transport has been even less of an option for me. I have to take taxis everywhere. Using last week as an example, this costs:
Hospital App – £11.80
Visit Bestie – £11.30
Vet – £8.60
Pick up Bronan’s Prescription- £8.80
Post Office – £8.60
Work Meeting – £22
Weekly Total – £71.10
Pain Relief
Lots of really effective pain relief options are simply not available via the NHS. These are pain management related items I have had to buy.
Heat Pads – £5 per 3 pack.
Tens Machine – £65
Tens Pads – £5 per 10.
Long Hot Water Bottle – £20
Microwaveable Heat Pouch – £15
Dragon Balm – £2.50 a jar.
Lidocaine Patches – £60 per 10 pack.
Vape – £35
Cbd Oil – £15 per 50ml.
Freeze Spray – £1
Paracetamol – 56p per 12
Massage – £70 per 60 mins.
Kinesiology Tape – £5.50
Yoga Mat – £20
Foam Roller – £12
Disability Aids
I believe some local councils will fit disability aids in social housing or if people meet certain criteria. Unfortunately I do not live in social housing nor meet those criteria. Thus, I had had to purchase any device I require.
Walking Stick Ferrule – £5
Easi Reach – £10.99
Easy Open Food Containers – £25
Jar Opener – £5.50
Easy Veg Chopper – £20
Multi Bottle Opener – £5
Auto Can Opener – £15
Lotion Aplicator – £8
Walking Stick Seat – £25
Sock/Tights Aid – £8
Bra Angel – £17
Hook/Zipper Assist – £6
Suction Grab Handles – £28
Shower Seat – £35
Wearable Tens Holder – £20
Press on Lights – £10 per 3 pack.
Services
There are jobs that must be done regularly that I am incapable of doing. There is no support for such things, so I must pay people to do them.
Grass Cutting – £45
Hedge Cutting – £60
Weeding & Garden Tidying – £100
Wheelie Bin Cleaning – £8
Window Cleanimg – £8
Bathroom & Kitchen Deep Clean – £175
On top of the costs outlined most disabled people also report spending more on bills. My gas bill tends to be high as I have a greater need & more difficulty keeping warm. My electricity bill soars with the need to charge various essential aids & technology. My food shopping is increased by the need to purchase lots of pre prepared fruit & veg, free from items to accommodate my dodgy stomach, plus the cost of food waste when I am unable to cook/eat. Having everything delivered incurs a cost as does working from home, which both add to my outgoings. In fact, Scope reports that on average disabled people face extra costs of £583 per month. That’s only accounting for necessary day to day living.
Should a disabled person attempt to do anything beyond the basic there will of course also be additional costs. Try going on holiday, trying a new hobby, undertaking to study a new discipline and you will find that there are always extras/different apparatus to enable a disabled person to take part. Almost every aspect life presents a bigger bill.
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Oh my god, it’s happening. Lockdown is easing & I went somewhere nice. I put in some mascara. I picked a pretty outfit. Stage 1 of project live again is go!
We’re still quite restricted in Scotland (better safe than sorry), but things are moving. We can now travel out with our local area for non essential travel and see up to 6 adults outdoors. That may not seem like the most exciting development, but it is making me woohoo. We took advantage of the sunshine yesterday and embarked on a mini road trip. My sister, Mum, the boy & I hit the beach. We really do like I be beside the seaside.
The little man is a total beach baby. He literally rolls around in the sand & loves it. We made pirate islands, volcanos & buried everyone’s feet. Needless to say we brought half the beach home with us.
I also found a minute to watch the soothing waves and snap some outfit pics. Here’s to a long hot summer with loved ones!
We have a new strain and new lockdown. Infection rates are rising. As are long covid cases. I can attest that the long term symptoms are a struggle. Now is not the time to get lax. Please stay home as much as you can. Wash those hands every opportunity you get and wear a damn mask.
With a mask you can show that you care about the welfare of others and make a statement. Facemasks don’t have be boring, go for it!
I have a Sara Conde and I love it. Handmade, three layer with a nose wire. It’s super comfy & she has the cutest prints. Who wouldn’t want all these beautiful boobs on their face?
I’m a loud & proud feminist, so this amazing design from KultKutie Handmade rings my bell. If you want to support the sisterhood & public health, this is the way to go.
The advent of masks has scuppered our lipstick game. If you’re missing a big bold lip, KhaatiMeethiLondon has got you.
Fuck the Tories can do no wrong in my eyes. This lyrical beauty gets your point across with a little humour. Three layer with a filter. You’ll feel safe & sassy.
If like me you are prone to losing things DearSoho have the cutest fix. Chains that will up your cool factor and ensure your face mask is always at hand.
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Something in the way she moves... 
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