Hit the spot…

February has been a fairly insular month. It’s very cold outside & I’m not much in the mood for socialising. I’ve hit the Netflix & actually chill a little harder than usual. It’s been the month for distractions & these have been the most effective.

I’ll just dive right in with the Netflix shows that have definitely been diverting if not entirely relaxing. Abducted in Plain Sight is insane. It’s documentary covering the abduction of a girl by a family friend. The behaviour of almost every adult in the entire tale is beyond explanation. If the story was fiction it would be dismissed as ridiculous. Also horrific, but in a completely different way is The Bleeding Edge. Another documentary, this one about medical devices & implants that highlights a terrifyingly lax regulation process. Watching this doc probably did not help my insomnia, but it may save me some future medical catastrophe. Last of my Netflix trilogy is also billed is scary. Since I’d never trust a man I’d only known 6 weeks never mind marry one, this one isn’t keeping me up nights. Dirty John is based on the true story of a lying, cheating nutcase. Whilst it’s doing nothing to raise my opinion of the menfolk it is worth a watch. I have been watching one series that does make me feel warm towards humanity, Catastrophe. Everything about it is exceptional; hilarious, real, romantic, tawdry & I liked. The final episode had me in bits, in a good way.

Netflix viewing

An insomniacs best friend is a good book and I’ve been rattling through them in the last few weeks. I opened the month with The Tattooist of Auschwitz which manages to do the almost impossible by making a story about a death camp hopeful. Having said that it’s not very well written & really doesn’t live up to the hype. Giving a book about the holocaust a tepid review feels harsh, but there are better books on this topic. Oyinkan Braithwaite’s take on the serial killer genre was a better choice. My Sister, the Serial Killer is creepy and yet almost playful. You know exactly where the story is headed, but you still want to get there. I’m currently digging back into the Patrick Melrose novels. I re read the first two in the series last year and then got sidetracked. Some Hope is probably my favourite of the five. If you haven’t read these St Aubyn classics, you should.

Patrick Melrose novels & the tattooist if auschwitz

My cute little record player was an excellent purchase. It offers distraction on two fronts, great sounding bath soundtracks & an excuse to go rooting in second hand shops for cool records. The latest of which is The Jesus and Mary Chain. Psycho Candy gets me with it’s relaxed trippiness. It is extra beloved for being on the Lost in Translation soundtrack & just thinking about that last kiss in the street makes me smile.

Books & records

Bronan really likes it too. Every time I put a record on he sits right beside it & purrs like mad.

Cat listening to record playing

Back on the digital side I have had one song in particular on repeat. No Pressure by Mahalia just speaks to me. It’s one of those songs that I just adore the cadence of. I was alerted to it’s greatness via Meghan Tonjes’ insta stories. Meghan herself has also been featuring on my Spotify most played list. Her collaboration with Daren on Count Me Out is a sentiment I can get behind.

Mahalia, no pressure

When I have ventured out it has been to see my glorious little people (& their creators) all of whom breathe colour into my life. My littlest monkey had his first birthday this month. My big nephew is going through an adorable dinosaur phase. Madison’s curls just keep getting cuter & my not so little goddess is texting now. She just loves to send her old auntie freaky gifs.

Not sleeping also gives me endless hours to paint my nails. I hate to have bare nails. These have been my February favs.

ly h Kerr Nail Art

Mixed media & preening aside it’s been an equal split between baths and sunsets. Both bring me comfort and earn a 5 star rating.

Sunsets and thigh tattoo in the bath

Make it easy on yourself…

2019 has barely gotten going & it’s been rough already. In a matter of weeks I have lost my baby & my boyfriend, which is less than an auspicious beginning. If I sound flippant, I’m not, I’m just trying very hard to put one foot in front of the other.

The demise of my pregnancy is devastating. My relationship’s end is sad, but the right decision and that’s about all I have to say on the topic. I find myself approaching the year (and my life) alone again. Being single hasn’t ever worried me all that much. I’m definitely not scared to be that kind of alone. Childlessness on the other hand, terrifies me. What do you when you’re facing your biggest fear? I haven’t a fucking a clue.

#projectpostit

For the time being I have taken the clichéd approach of one day at a time. I’m trying not to spend every day at home in my jammies (there is however a lot of crying on the sofa). Functioning is a struggle for a multitude of reasons. Primarily, I am exhausted. I’m always tired. Add even less sleep, the effort it takes to contain my anger at life itself, the fact that I will not stop bleeding, so despite the blood transfusion my haemoglobin level continues to flag and you get extreme fatigue. Having a different emotion every 5 seconds is tiring. Battling (& often failing) to contain the tears is wearing. Breathing & washing & conversing & not screaming is all taking gargantuan effort. The truth is I’m not managing very much. I’m practising being ok with that.

Blood transfusion, Rose wine, snuggling cat, reading baby

I recommend spending time with people who don’t expect too much of you. I’m giving priority to anything that give me comfort; my little people & potatoes pretty much have that covered. Hot baths have featured heavily as has ‘fake it ’til you make it’ make up. There was one afternoon of day drinking with a lovely friend that actually helped a lot, but not something it would be wise to make a habit of. My purring cat is a godsend. I’m reading, sleeping whenever I can and endeavouring to be gentle with myself.

ly h Kerr

I have no clue how to tackle the overwhelming sense of guilt. Chipping away at how ‘not fair’ this is may well take the rest of my life. I’m focusing on the small stuff. Giving myself a pass on the growing mountain of washing, the ideas that go unpitched and being awfully rude to the person who called about my non-existent road traffic accident. I find it harder than you’d imagine to let that stuff go. Being hard on myself comes easy. i have learned that when life gets you on the ground it’s worth tackling the instinct to kick oneself whilst already down.

Sunset

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Just the way I’m feeling…

A few Fridays ago, in search of positive distraction I did what I usually do when I need a pick me up, spent time with a little one. Specifically my baby nephew. He’s on the verge of turning one so my sis & I thought it was time he checked out the science centre.

The boy loved being able to crawl around and touch everything. Obviously he didn’t understand them, but he still enjoyed playing with the exhibits. I of course was right in thinking my joyful little man would lift my mood & my sister loved everything her boy does. Thus, a successful day out was had.

I was hoping that looking like a functioning human being would help me feel like one. I’m not sure it really worked, but I did like this outfit. Perhaps it’ll work some magic me on me another day.

ly h Kerr mirror selfie

Dress – Boohoo

Tights – Snag Tights

A simple black shirt dress is perfect for pairing with brights tights (& accessories). I am a new devotee of snag tights; they fit perfectly, don’t fall down & look lush. The dress is less perfect. I had to add a vest as the buttons over my bust gaped terribly. I had already sized up and if I go up again to accommodate my boobs it will be too big everywhere else. I always say size with up Boohoo, but to be honest I’m getting a bit sick of their crap sizing. I’m a 20/22 everywhere, but struggle to get into a lot of Boohoo 24s. That’s not good enough. Sort it out.

A few years ago when my niece was home from Australia we took a picture in the big mirror wall at the science centre. It was a cracker. We clearly had to get one with the boy. It’s another beauty. I just need one with my middle nephew and I’ll have the full set!

Family mirror selfie

You’re my favourite…

I’m still a little bit in holiday mode. I’m struggling a bit with some hardcore fatigue and have given myself until Monday to get back into gear. I didn’t want to leave a gap here, so I settled on the epitome of new year posts; the round-up. My 2018 favourites, if you want to get specific.

I started the year reading what turned out to be one of my favourite books of the year. ‘The Love of a Bad Man’ by Laura Elizabeth Woollett is a collection of short stories that tells the fictionalised (based on real events) account of the women who paired up with some of history’s most notorious bad men. When I say bad, I mean completely evil. It’s dark, but so original. We rarely get an insight into the lives of women caught in the drag of historical men. These imagined tellings of their relationships and (often destroyed) lives is compelling.

The love of a bad man

My favourite beauty buy (who am I?) this year was bought early on too. It was a super cheap ebay experiment that had amazing results. I have long yearned for a dramatic winged eyeliner look. Alas I have never possessed the requisite skills. Enter my new friend, the eyeliner stamp. It took only a few attempts to perfect the perfect flick. I can now cheat my way to amazing eye flare.

Eye liner stamper ly h Kerr eyeliner flicks

By spring we were already engulfed in a heat wave. The Toyboy & I took advantage of sun & slipped off on a mini break. Kilberry Bay, Tarbert is just stunning. We enjoyed a few peaceful days surrounded by the most beautiful nothing. With a deserted beach so pretty that it’s used as a wedding venue and a gorgeous view of Islay, Kilberry was the ideal spot for a rejuvenating getaway.  I find the sound of the tide swooshing on the sand desperately romantic, thus this became my favourite trip of 2018.

Kilberry Bay

Summer brought more sun and No Shame. Lily Allen’s eagerly awaited fourth album. I’ve always loved Lily’s witty lyrics and wry honesty. No Shame ups the auntie on all of that, a lyrical description of the collapse of a marriage, juggling motherhood, work & living. All is laid bare with, you guessed, it no shame. Just lashings of reality. Each track pulsing with the guilt, hope & grit of life.

No Shame

I took until August to hit the outfit jackpot. The Edinburgh Festival was a masterclass in packing light as I knew I’d have to carry my back pack on the final day. Thus I had to think clever when it came to styling. I ticked all the boxes with this sheer/retro combo. I even managed to make my walking stick look almost cool in this picture. Which is quite a feat, believe me, navigating Edinburgh with a stick is not smooth going.

ly h Kerr Ed fringe

Last, but most definitely not lost least is my favourite day of the year. February 6th was without a doubt the most magical day of 2018. That’s the day my amazing little sister brought her adorable little man into the world. He has been a complete joy every day since. New babas to love will always be the best thing life can offer, so ’18 was a stellar year.

ly h Kerr baba nephew

Lazy week in pictures…

I’ve been taking is rather easy during this most confusing period of the year. I say confusing because I cannot keep track of what day it is or even what time day it might be. All the usual markers are skewiff.

No one is at work when you expect them to be. Regular tv scheduling has been abandoned & I haven’t cooked an actual meal in days. I mainly been soaking in hot baths, watching old movies and reading whilst curled in a cosy ball. On the few occasions that I have removed my pyjamas it has been to ogle a bigger screen and cuddle some cuties.

On Boxing Day I saw Mary Poppins with my sis & her boy. I absolutely adored the original Poppins and was skeptical about her return. I was relieved to discover it wasn’t a remake, but one of the other Poppins stories. Also, further comforted when I learned they’d used older style animation & that an old fav was making an appearance. The film is utterly enchanting. It keeps to spirit of the original and is beautifully done. Dick Van Dyke is a highlight, but the whole thing delighted me. The baba was impressed too. He as been to the cinema before, but I think this is first time he was really watching. His little face was a picture of astounded mirth. The entire experience was, as the lady herself would say, practically perfect in every way.

Cinema foot selfie

#projectpostit

This evening I saw Aquaman with the Toyboy. The TB & I take turns to pick the film; tonight was of course his choice. He likes nothing more than a superhero caper. I on the other hand, find there are entirely too many comic book crusades on the go these days. The underwater worlds in Aquaman are very beautiful. Otherwise it’s a standard good vs evil, handsome hunk saves the day type of affair. In keeping with my current air of laziness I wore the same outfit for both cinema trips. Slight accessory reworking and I was good to go.

ly h Kerr

ly h Kerr

Dress – Boohoo

Cardi – M&S

Earrings – Gift

Red tree

As the year draws to a close I am

grateful for these days to laze around & enjoy my loved ones. 2018 has been a slog. On the world scale it’s been bleak. On personal level there’s been a bunch of grey with some startlingly bright spots. I have reason to believe that 2019 could be a bloody good one for me. I hope the same applies to everyone reading (& the global scene pulls its socks up too). I wish you all a happy & hopeful New Year. Brace yourself, we’re about to start all over again.

The tartan around her did flow…

I’m Scottish so in my mind tartan is great & goes with everything. I will not be dissuaded from this thought process. Which, is exactly why I bought these boots & I will not apologise for them.

I spent Saturday with my sister & the cutest little monkey there ever was. It was a wet dreary day, so I went for cosy with splashes of random colour. As I said, tartan goes with everything so why waste time trying to actually match.

ly h Kerr

Tartan boots

Skirt – Primark

Shirt – Simply Be

Hat – Primark

Boots – Primark

Despite the rain & hat combo turning my hair into a hedge, we had a really good day. A spot of lunch, snoop around the hidden lane and then we checked out the refurb at my local library. It has been transformed from 60’s dinge to retro cool (that staircase didn’t look so awesome when I was 14) and the kid’s section is fantastic. Our wee monkey enjoyed a bit of story time & a lot of exploring. Whilst his Mama & I secreted little messages amongst the books.

Cardinals library Story time #projectpostit

The only thing better than tartan is libraries, so I win at Saturday.

Very big house in the country…

Nothing cheers up a dreary Monday than running off to a peaceful country hotel. A couple of days immersed in gorgeous grounds, yummy food & a relaxing spa definitely puts a positive spin on your week.

Macdonald Houstoun House

Houstoun House is set an historic building with great services. Set in pretty countryside with some lovely formal gardens it is a great spot for a soothing escape. After dealing with another kidney infection & heavy bought of insomnia I was eager for small break. My super mummy sister was equally in need of a rest. Our tiny companion is pretty happy exploring any new place, but he was particularly delighted with Houstoun House.

Gardens, Houstoun House

A delicious three course meal followed by a good old carry on with the baba got us off to a good start. A huge comfy bed & top notch breakfast eased us into the next day. Then it was time for deep tissue massages & lots of splashing around in the pool with the boy.

ly h Kerr, Houstoun House

What else to wear when being a luxury bitch, but velvet? Oh & some leopard print too.

ly h Kerrly h Kerr

Dress – Bonmarche

Tights – Asos Curve

Belt – Asos Curve

Pumps – Primark

Glasses – Where.light

Feelin’ that glow…

For this year’s Halloween celebrations I traded in shots & corsets for family fun. My sister & I took the baba to GlasGlow and it was amazing.

L & L Kerr

GlasGlow is comprised of light shows, spooky tours & yummy food trucks. The botanic gardens looked amazing with its glow on. There was something for kids of all ages, adults were equally delighted. Bonus points for vegan options from food trucks.

My amazing sister made the cutest Sully costume for her little monster and he was utterly adorable in it. He was totally mesmerised by all the lights and we were entranced by his reactions.

GlasGlow by ly h Kerr

There is really cool haunted section which little kids might want to skip. I’ll be honest I’d probably have pee’d my pants if I had to walk around it on my lonesome.

GlasGlow by ly h Kerr

Halloween wouldn’t be Halloween without a little dressing up. Obviously since I was roaming around in the freezing rain I needed to wrap up warm, so I opted for low key fat skeleton. Plus some boney accessories.

Halloween nail art, ly h KerrFat skeleton, ly h Kerr

Crop top – Boohoo

Dress – Primark

Skeleton earrings – Asos

Here comes the weekend…

I needed a few days to recover from my getaway, thus had a very lazy end of the week. I was mostly lolling around in jammies. I was still knackered by Saturday morning, so had to adjust my plans, but fun was still had.

I kicked off the weekend with a bit of shopping & sushi with my wee sis. Of course the baba was also along for the ride. He got a little bored of the shopping portion of the day, sushi though, he loves. He can’t eat it yet, but chasing it along the conveyor is a very good game. I have a bit of a spending bug at the moment, so I treated myself to some little lovelies (stay tuned for details). We did a lot of cooing over baby clothes. Plus some admiring of all the Xmas decorations that have just hit the shops. Then closed the day with tea, cake & a snooze for the little man.

I hit the hay ridiculously early on Saturday night. Paired that with an incredibly slow start on Sunday & hey presto, I had collected enough spoons to venture out. We grabbed a late lunch before indulging in lots of local talent at Yellow Movement Sunday. It’s a cool event held on the 2nd Sunday of every month. If you fancy an eclectic jam session & unique live acts, check it out.

It was a perfect autumnal day. The sun was bright, but the air chilly. Just the right weather for slipping on some velvet. This dress is an old favourite. I always feel foxy in it.

Dress – Pink Clove

Belt – ASOS Curve

Musical interlude complete it was time to head home & get my Jim jams back on. Having a good time is exhausting.

I’ll be there for you…

I’ve had a hard week. Pain is hitting a consistent 7/10, I’m getting hardly any sleep & of course I have tonnes of stuff to do. So, when I had a free afternoon I really wanted to be still & rest. Alas, my pesky little sister really wanted to go to FriendsFest. She was so right, it was awesome.

The 90’s was my decade & Friends was the ultimate must see tv in those days. Stepping onto the actual sets of the famous apartments was really cool. All the other Friends themed attractions were spot on & tonnes of fun.

ly h Kerr FriendsFest

All the details were perfect & messing around with the interactive scenes was amazing.

Friends set

My sis was the perfect person to visit with as we spent a lot time watching Friends together when we both still living at home. We used to play a game where we’d give each other a random topic & we had to come up with a Friends related quote. Now that I’ve written it down that story looks kind of tragic, but we did cool stuff too.

Pivot, Vegas wedding, meat trifle

You probably shouldn’t marry your sister, but if you do try to have a sister who makes the ugly wedding dresses look cute.

FriendsFest was a blast. I felt like I was half dead & I managed to have great time. If that’s not a rave review then I don’t know what it. Oh & yes, I did look cute. A swing dress plus red lippy is the quickest way I know to take yourself from drab to fancy.

ly h Kerr, Lindy Boply h Kerr rainbow petticoat

Dress – Lindy Bop

Rainbow Petticoat – Lindy Bop

Necklace – Fuck the Tories.

Don’t even try to tell me you wouldn’t watch this show.

ly h Kerr, opening credits