Somewhere beyond the sea…

During the school holidays we took a little trip. It was a belated birthday getaway for my sister, who turned 40 in December. We also both needed a bit of a break. What better way to relax than to take a 7yr and 6mth old to a blustery island?

Believe it not or it was bliss. I go away with my sister and the boys fairly often. In fact I start to yearn for round the clock auntie time if we leave it too long. Pleasingly big nephew also clammers for our next holiday. This was our first go with the new edition and it was wonderful.

Arran was, as expected, stunning. By pure chance I always seem to visit Scottish islands off season. Honestly, I think I like it that way. The rugged beauty in Scotland lends itself to the wilder aspects of our climate. If you’ve never stood in the middle of Scottish nowhere on a cold blustery day, you really should try it. There is something wonderful about wrapping up warm and venturing into the wilderness.

Anyway, back to this trip. We stayed at Auchrannie Resort which is genius combination of spa retreat and family focused. We were obviously taking advantage of the kid friendly aspects, but it would make a fabulous grown up escape too.

I had an absolute ball with my sister and nephews. We did a lot of swimming, explored the island and even a bit of archery. Turns out that for some reason I’m a pretty good archer. A fact that annoyed my competitive little sis. Come the apocalypse my chances of survival have increased, as long as I can get hold of a bow and arrow.

I of course indulged in one of my favourite hotel experiences, the buffet breakfast. I rarely eat breakfast. The luxury of having anything I could want prepared and ready tickles me. I don’t choose anything fancy, but I still love it. Toast, cornflakes & potato scones also happen to be the best fuel for a day in the great outdoors.

On our first day we set out in search of some standing stones. Unfortunately the big daddy stones were a trek too far for me. I did manage to reach a smaller stone circle, which was just as atmospheric. My sister and the boys headed on to the big stone circle whilst I enjoyed a little alone time. There is something magical about being amongst all that wild beauty and feeling completely alone. I live in big city and am never very far from other people. Don’t get me wrong, I love the hustle. There is however a part of me that longs for that fresh cold air in my lungs and no people.

We also managed to take in a few of the islands beaches. It rained on our last day, but that didn’t stop us. I prefer a gloomy beach, wind & rain feel like the real personality of the sea.

All in all it was the perfect trip. Now to buckle back down the drudge of daily life.

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Catch the wave…

The summer holidays are an excellent time for adventures. I have been embarking upon a few with my little ones. I wanted to share all the fun and of course my gorgeous attire.

A couple of Fridays ago my sister planned an epic day trip. A 6am start, 400mile round trip taking in seafaring disasters, engineering miracles and some of the softest sand Scotland has to offer.

My nephew is pirate mad, so our first stop was at Corpach Basin to see his very first shipwreck. The winding track down to the beach was too much for me, but the boy absolutely loved it. I had a little chill by the canal while they explored & took lots of pics for me.

A little boy looking at a shipwreck on a beach

Back in the car, we drove through the most incredible scenery. The sun was out in force as we made it Glenfinnan Viadict just in time for the train. Well, we would have been if it hadn’t been cancelled that day. The bridge itself is still spectacular and since none of us give a toss about Harry Potter missing the train wasn’t a big deal. The viewing point was again not possible for me. I did find a nice bench with a perfectly good view whilst the boy & his Mummy ambled up rocky hillsides. If you are planning a visit I’d suggest getting there early. The car park was full and we only got in because of my blue badge.

Then it was time for the main event. A little more driving through green mountains to reach Arisaig and the stunning Camusdarach Beach. My clever sister found this treasure. You have to do a mini trek through some greenery, but oh man is it worth it. Soft golden sand, blue sea and a clear view of Muck & Eigg.

Beautiful pale sand beach with view of islands across water.

We were so lucky to get a warm sunny day. I kept having to remind myself I was still in Scotland. My Sis & her boy played football, tennis, jumped waves & explored sand dunes. I watched from my beach chair & read Private Eye when the disappeared from sight. It was one of those perfect days that make me feel oh so lucky.

A beach day calls for comfort. A beach day in Scotland needs to adapt to whatever weather is thrown at you. Hence, I tried out my brand new playsuit. Soft fabric, loungey fit and pockets. With added bonus of making me look adorable. I packed my handy light weight anorak and hoody just in case, but neither was required.

ly is standing on a beach wearing a black playsuit. She has one hand on her hip and is leaning on a walking stick with the other.
Play Suit – Simply Be

This Friday I stayed closer to home, but had just as much fun. My bestie & I decided to take her brood to Glasgow Science Centre. I’m a big fan of the place, never taken a child who didn’t love it. The science centre is the perfect place to entertain a 5 year old and toddler twins. There’s something for everyone and they especially love being able to touch everything.

We arrived shortly before 12 and stayed until closing. Even after 5 hours no one wanted to leave. Particular favourites were the water play area, captaining a ship & disappearing bodies. It’s an amazing place and getting hands on really helps little minds get to grips with big concepts. It is amazing watching my niblings get excited about experiencing new things. I am so happy to be a part of their adventures.

This week I debuted another newbie. This dress was a gift from my Mum, but I picked it. I love the vibrant green and how good my boobs look. Definitely going to be wearing the hell out of this one.

ly is standing in living room with her hands on her hips. She is wearing a lime green peas at dress and a leaf print kimono.
Dress – Marks & Spencer Kimono – Boohoo

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Be running up that hill…

Chronic illness is great at kicking you when you’re down. Lamentably, it also likes to give you a dunt when you’re flying too. It would be taxing to say which is worst, but falling from a height certainly hurts.

That was me last week. I was on a lovely break in the cutest cottage by sea. Soaking up the calming sea side views and thoroughly enjoying time with my nephew. The sun was out, we headed to an incredibly beautiful beach. I watched the boy run around having the time of his life. I paddled in the refreshingly cold sea. Took deep breaths, listened to the lapping waves & felt happy.

Tide coming in on st Cyrus beach

As it edged towards late afternoon people started to leave. I began to worry about the hill I’d have to climb to leave the beach. As we packed up I saw people stroll up. I knew it was going to be a problem.

And I was correct. That little sand dune fucked me up. I started trying to ascend it alone, but quickly realised that wasn’t going to happen. It’s hard to get your footing on slopping sand. Even harder to get purchase in moving ground with a walking stick. With every step the sand slid down the hill pushing me back. It was all working against me.

Foot with black painted tie nails on the sand with wave approaching

My sister saved the day. She let me lean on her, literally & half dragged me up that hill. Every step was excruciating. My knees felt like the where going to explode. My back, wrists, elbows & shoulders were all screaming. I couldn’t catch a breath, my lungs felt as though they were filling with the sand I was slipping on.

That little sand dune appeared to go on forever. The bench at top a promised land I’d never reach. Listen, the pain was bad, it wasn’t the culprit of tears at the summit. As my sister helped me struggle I saw my 3yr old nephew gamble up the slope. An old couple comfortably passed us. A nice man with a very concerned look stopped to ask if he could help. I focused on breathing whilst my little sister pepped talked me up that hill. I repeated ‘you’re nearly there’ in my head and tried my upmost to hold back the tears.

When I finally had my bum on that bench my nephew ran to give me a cuddle. The tears started streaming. I looked at the beautiful view as I silently cried. I didn’t want to make eye contact with my loved ones. I didn’t want my little rascal to see me in this state. I recognised the concern in my sister’s voice & the love in the silent shoulder my Mum offered to hold me upright. As much as I loved them for it, I hated that I have to be this way.

View from hill over a beach.grass & wildflowers with sand past leading down to the blue sea

It was another one of those ‘how did I get here’ moments that chronic illness brings. I never imagined it’d take a support team to get me up a hill at 40 years old. I’m not a person who likes to be publicly vulnerable, yet here I am. Regularly fragile & exposed as I try to scratch out something close to a normal life. I felt guilty and embarrassed and pathetic and grateful and burdensome and scared and loved. All crashing over me with more force than the waves below could ever muster.

I concentrated on the nature around me as fought to compose myself. I attempted to ignore the curious looks from strangers & the pain coursing through my body. I listened to the the waves and birds. I let the blue horizon pull me through all the heavy implications placed on the people I love. I dried my eyes. I got back on my feet.

The day continued. Me, making my way slowly behind the others. Stopping to rest. Taking pain relief. Zoning out when we got back in the car. It was all so much bigger than that stupid hill. I was hoping I hadn’t distressed the others. Dreading the pain that I knew was still to come. Feeling sad at the thought that I probably wouldn’t ever return to that blissful beach.

It is painful to accept one’s limitations. I find it incredibly hard to let more & more go. I hate that I’m always the one who has a problem with the plans. I despise that my difficulties are so visible. Gasping for air at checkouts that take a fraction too long. Sitting on floors when there’s no seats available. Calling in advance to check if my malfunctioning body can be accommodated. I don’t like being on display, don’t want to answer questions about my stick, shake off the exasperated sighs or smile at pitying strangers. No matter how kindly meant, I’d rather be suffering in private. I’m exhausted by the knowledge that I’ll pay for every slice of fun. Even more so by the battle with myself to keep reaching for those good times anyway. Most of all I’ll forever regret how much this impacts all the wonderful people in my life. I wish I could stop being a hindrance. I never want them to have to worry. I appreciate every tiny thing they do for me, but I still wish they didn’t have to.

This is chronic life. It’s not just the pain & illness. It is all encompassing. Lots of the time the only way to deal with that is to push it to the very back of your mind. These moments of brutal clarity never stop taking me by surprise.

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