Along with the sunshine…

Years ago I had a genius idea. I thought it would be lovely if we could have a real life version of those romantic montages you get in films. You know the bit in a romcom where someone thinks back over their relationship and we see all the best bits. Now imagine being able to replay the special moments of your own life. That would be lovely right?

Not just the romantic high spots. A full on motion picture, this if your life best bits to play whenever you need a boost. It’s been a tough year so far. So allow me to wander through the memories that feel dreamy. I give you a snippet of my highlight reel.

This one probably doesn’t seem that special, but it still gives me butterflies every single time I summon it. I was just meeting someone for lunch. He was waiting on the steps of a gallery looking stern. As he saw me approaching his expression relaxed. When I reached him he kissed me in a way I hadn’t experienced before or since. I’ll never be able to explain what made that kiss different from all the others, but it made me feel completely wanted. Safe & desired & understood. Then he half turned, caught my eye over his shoulder and took my hand. I melted. It wasn’t a special day. We didn’t do anything extraordinary. There were no meaningful declarations. We definitely didn’t live happily ever after. Yet it is without a doubt the best kiss of my life. It’s funny the things that leave a mark.

I’ve been been consuming a romanticised version of New York City my whole life. It appears in my favourite books, music, art & films. It’s famous streets were home to idols real & fictional. From my early teens I was desperate to get there. I knew it would be incredible, but I was always a little afraid that the real thing couldn’t live up to the fantasy. NYC is turns out, is one of those rare things in life that never lets you down. It is every bit is as magnificent as I had hoped it would be. Everything looks exactly as you thought it would, but still seems unreal. It is a wonderful surprise to find that the place you’ve been dreaming about actually exists. The Empire State makes you believe Cary Grant might sweep you off your feet. The Dakota looks exactly as John left it. 5th Avenue is just like all those advertising posters from the 40’s. Every corner turned reveals a spot where that other Carrie might have swooned over Big. The skyline is as impressive as you imagined and the lights of the city twinkling from the park will take your breath away. More than that, it feels just like I hoped it would. It’s buzzing with creativity & promise & resilience. Wandering alone in Manhattan made me feel exactly as I had anticipated that it might. That swelling of excitement in my core was magical.

ly h Kerr NYC

During my fourth pregnancy I was offered an early scan. A chance to check everything was going to plan. I was terrified and excited. I can’t remember much of what was said. It’s all just a fear stricken blur until the glorious sound of my unborn child’s heartbeat made everything clear. That steady, seemingly irrepressible beat filled a gaping hole that I had worried was bottomless. Hope, it seems, can breach any gap. I’ll never forget that feeling. Whatever came after, I’ll have those precious minutes & that wonderful sound.

When my niece was a toddler my brother & sister in law took her to visit family in South Africa & Zimbabwe. They were gone for nearly a month and I missed her so much. I couldn’t wait to see her on their return. It turned out the feeling was mutual. When she saw me she screamed. She guided me to sit in the floor and climbed into my lap. The way her little face beamed at me is the closet thing to pure happiness that I’ve ever witnessed. Knowing that this precious little person could love me like that is one of the greatest feeling imaginable.

Muffin

On a girl’s holiday in kavos a huge group of us went out for Mexican food. As happens in places like kavos they gave everyone a free shot of tequila. Of the 14 girls assembled only my bff & I liked tequila. So, with a combination of confidence & stupidity that 21 year olds possess, we drank the lot. With 7 tequila shots in each of our bellies we embarked upon a night of awesomeness. The drinks continued to flow, we danced on bars and beaches. We sang at the top of our lungs. We lost the rest of the gang & met a variety of interesting strangers including a guy we named jiminy cricket (we never worked out why). Pam fell asleep on a giant pounding speaker and I mistook a goat for a dog. Finally we witnessed the sun coming up over the booze soaked island as we stumbled our way home. It was the ridiculously messy kind of night you only have when you’re young & far away from home. It was highly irresponsible and probably pretty dangerous, but I wouldn’t change a second if it. I’ll always be glad I had those party days. I’ll always be grateful I had the best friend possible to share them with.

Pam & I

My Gran died young. She had cancer that recurred & spread. I was too young to understand the ins and outs at the time. In fact, I didn’t even know she was ill until close to end. I was the first granddaughter and she basically spoilt me rotten. She called me The Queen. She took me everywhere with her & made it her business to satisfy my whims. From my eagerness to ride horses to my heartfelt opposition to Mum’s chewing gum ban; Gran fixed it. What I’m saying is there are countless highlight worthy times to pick from. The one I always come back to is an uneventful Saturday. We were at Gran’s house & she was debuting what she described as her new look. She had started putting her hair in a tiny ponytail & wearing track suits. In my head it’s pale blue and pretty smart for a track suit, but my memory may be wrong. In any case it was a departure from her usual put together style. She was making jokes and asking how I liked the new image. I didn’t know at the time, but in hindsight it was a change prompted my necessity not fashion. She was getting sicker. She needed more ease and comfort. She must have been in pain. She had to have been scared. I never knew. I do know now how hard it is to be sore & sick all the time. I’m not facing what she did. I’m not dying. She never wavered. She took her narrowing horizons and made it something fun for the grandkids. When I think of her in that sweatsuit she’s laughing & living. That feels like real love.

When I went to Brisbane I was just getting into body positivity. The idea that my body wasn’t wrong was very new. Finding myself in a tropical climate with most days reaching at least 35 Celsius shunted my body acceptance journey into a faster gear. The heat was too intense to cover all the bits I thought needed to be hidden. I was compelled to wear things that would normally have scared me. Guess what happened? Absolutely nothing. I explored the city with my flabby arms & thunder thighs on show and no one cared. After a few days I stopped thinking about if I could wear certain things & just put things on my body. I began to notice that I actually liked how I looked in these items that I’d never usually have dared to wear. I felt comfortable. The day we went to an animal sanctuary was crazy hot. I wore a tiny little flippy blue vest dress. As I wandered amongst kangaroos I realised that I felt completely at ease. The animals were beautiful, the sun felt good on my skin. I was happy & free. It was one of those perfect days when I not only felt amazing in the moment, but I knew I was experiencing a breakthrough. If I could bottle up that feeling, I’d put weight watchers out of business.

Brisbane sunset

I was lucky enough to have a fairly delightful childhood. There were a lot of happy times. One of my stand out memories is the time I spent with my siblings after dinner & before dessert. My parents would send us into living room to let our tummies settle. Looking back I suspect they just wanted 15mins of quiet adult conversation. In any case, no settling of any kind went on. We took advantage of that unsupervised period to behave like mini maniacs. We played a variety of very rough & tumble games of our own devising. To be honest I’m surprised that both the room & all four children survived gems like ‘crocodiles’ & ‘pile on’. We did & those times were golden. This was before the boys got too cool to want to actually play with their little sisters. Back when my baby sister was still an adorably chubby cheeked little monster. It was long before any of us had any worries beyond how good pudding would be. We were securely encased in the family unit. We always had someone to talk to, someone to carry on with & someone to tease. We never doubted that our parents could handle any difficulty we encountered. Life was good.

Young Kerrs

It occurs to me that some of my happiest life snap shots are bittersweet. I’m not sure if it’s that just the way of life or a testament to what happens when the universe beats you up a bit. Either way, I’m glad I’ve mastered the art of counting my blessings. I suppose sometimes the cliches are true; you can’t have the rainbow without the rain.

‘Cos it’s raining….

I’ve been waiting to do my summer Wishlist for a while. I kept hoping summer would come back.  As it’s now July, i’ve resigned myself to the fact that the sun has left me for good. 

For my Scottish summer picks I’m going for light fabrics that can be easily layered. So, lots of dresses, soft shirts & the occasional piece to fancy things up. I have also slipt in some items that I want for my next Australia trip. Brisbane never lets me down on the heat factor. 


Asos Curve, Club L Lounge.


Club L Lounge, Yours.

Yes, that is a dress with a hood; come to Mama. This season I seem to attracted to neutral & bright tones in equal measures. Fabric wise the concensus is tactile & super soft. 


Forever21, Lindy Bop, Simply Be.


Club L Lounge, Asos Curve, Simply Be. 

I’m loving splits & dip hems. Leggings are of course an essential when it might be really nippy outside. As always I will be playing with retro & contemporay styles. I have been desperately seeking a pretty bralet that can handle my boobs & I’m hoping this is the one. I’m thinking in Brisbane I can rock this on it’s own & here layer under a sheer shirt. 


Monsoon, Forever21, New Look. 


Irregular Choice, Asos Curve, Asos Curve. 

Florals & hippy chick lace spell out summer to me. I really can’t wait to get to Oz to float around with my Muffin in these. 


M&S, Alice & You. 


Simply Be, Forever21. 


Asos Curve, Club L Lounge.


New Look, Asos Curve, Converse.

Yellow converse will add a pop to any outfit. As will the caged bra lingerie. I love the bondage light look, it’s always fun when your underwear can double as outerwear!

There you have it. My most desired items for this summer. Now it’s time to get buying. Look out for which pieces make it into my body. 

Oh & I have a new pink lipstick & a pretty rose gold nose ring. Aren’t I a lucky girl?

Shiny happy people….

I thought since Australia was such a big influence on my new outlook that I’d do one more Brisbane outfit. I’ve had this maxi dress for a few years, but have never managed to get much wear out of it in Glasgow. It’s the sort of garment that requires sunshine, something we are sadly lacking in here. It was one of the first items in my suitcase & I was eager to wear it.

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Dress –  Gift

Vest – H&M

Sunglasses – Topshop

Satchel – Target

I’ve always been a hippie chick meaning this multi coloured tie dyesque design is right up my street. It has some cute beaded details under the bust & on the straps, which I’m fond of. The halter neck is a gift for those if us who have been blessed in the breast department. It holds them firmly in place giving a great silhouette. The halter does also mean it is a tad too booby, but that’s easily solved by popping a vest underneath.

In short this dress is very bold & funky. Just like me.

Here are some shots from Brisbane. Happy memories.

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I miss the view from my brother’s balcony.

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A big daddy kangaroo chilling out at Lone Pine sanctuary.

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Brisbane street art.

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I stayed at a hotel right in the middle of the city for a few days & I used to eat sushi in this square. You can’t get a proper idea of it from this picture, but it was a gorgeous mix of old & new architecture.

I’m going where the sun keeps shining….

I put on a very cute outfit yesterday & planned to have my sister take some pictures whilst we were walking her dog. Unfortunately, Glasgow’s weather thought differently, it poured down the entire time we were out.
So, I thought I’d share an outfit I wore on my recent trip to Brisbane; where the weather can always be replied upon.
I loved the freedom I had in Australia. It was always going to be hot & I had only nice things to do. This meant I could have fun with my clothes. I went for a lot of bright, girly & floaty dresses. This is me enjoying the sun & the view on my brother’s deck. I can’t wait to get back there.

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I love everything about this dress. It’s from forever 21, (who’s plus size range I would definitely recommended ). I’ve always been a big fan of the dip hem and have been very pleased to see it pop up again. The cut & fabric of this dress means it shows your shape without clinging too much. I always feel very sexy in it. Last, but not least it’s a perfect dreamy blue, just right for bright sunny days.

Everybody’s Talkin’ Harry Nilsson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AzEY6ZqkuE