discrimination

Is it cos I’m cool…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

If you believe the right wing press, being disabled or chronically ill is the latest trend. About a month ago Kathleen Stock (notable anti trans activist) wrote a piece for The Times titled ‘Why are so many young women using walking sticks?’. Her complaints about the use of mobility aids clearly chimed with Poppy Coburn, who, this month penned ‘How having a disability became cool’ in The Telegraph. Both pieces rely on the same prejudice and ignorance. Ultimately, they also support the same agenda.

Stock & Coburn both proclaim there to be more disabled people than ever before. They specify that these disabilities are mostly amorphous and hard to prove. Coburn in particular takes aim at PoTS. Both writers conveniently ignore that we have all lived through a global pandemic, which experts have long warned would be a mass disabling event. With this in mind, PoTS is particularly relevant. Covid has resulted in a huge increase in PoTS diagnoses. PoTS is one the acknowledged conditions that Covid19 can induce. I myself, was left with PoTS after contracting Covid. I was intially diagnosed with Long Covid, but Drs quickly noticed that my symptoms mirrored those of PoTS. Far from Coburn’s claim that Pots is hard to quantify and diagnose, there are actually very clear markers and tests. Tachycardia , Dizziness & Syncope, Breathlessness and Air Hunger. There are of course many more symptoms, but these are usually the red flags for PoTS. All of which can and are quantified and recorded with standard medical tests. Media like this supports the notion that chronic illnesses are so indistinct as to be easily faked. This is of course nonsense. Equating many people struggling to get a diagnosis with a condition being difficult to diagnose is absolute bullshit. This narrative increases stigma and ultimately makes accessing appropriate support harder. Which is of course, kind of the point.

The cool factor, they insist, is intrinsic to the rise in chronic illness. Coburn posits that chronic illness & disability are in fact a lifestyle. The appeal of which is fame, fortune and the easy life. Conditions like PoTS, EDS, MCAS & Fibromyalgia are, she says, used as an excuse to avoid adult responsibilities. Thus unencumbered the sick & disabled are free to pursue their chosen lifestyle. Longterm sickness is absolutely a choice to Coburn & her ilk. By her telling, there are no years of debilitating symptoms, no ever increasing medical visits, no fighting for diagnosis nor any battle for relief. Nope; one simply decides that they are chronically ill. Perhaps this is accompanied by sharing one’s experience on social media and voila, a new identity is born. Of course, everyone who has a chronic illness or disability is automatically granted vast amounts of disability benefits. Those Instagram posts always turn into large follower counts and lucrative brand deals. People share their experiences not for catharsis or in an attempt to help others. Their true motivation is profit and clout. Both of which are abundantly available. Disability is of course, very glamorous and society is famously eager to endlessly accommodate. Sickness becomes an entire identity. A victim mentality is encouraged, nay, embraced by the communities that have emerged. Thus, people seek to display their disability with customised mobility aids to up their cache. It is not unnoticed that Coburn and Stock critically align the disabled community with other marginalised groups. Just the latest ridiculous fad among the loony lefties. Life as ‘sickfluencer’ is all health updates on social media, sparkly mobility aids and raking in the PIP.

The reality of chronic illness is a far cry from Poppy’s ‘cool kids club’. Both writers focus on young women, the inference being that this a group that is not to be trusted. The misogyny echoes the bias women often face when seeking medical help. Women routinely receive subpar medical treatment. We are less likely to have our symptoms believed or investigated. Diagnosis takes far longer for women, than men. Conditions that mainly or solely affect AFAB people are not well researched. Even our access to pain relief is severely limited. Medical misogyny has been well established. The activism of women has been a pivotal factor in changing this. These articles ignore the battle that has been fought for the recognition of these conditions. There has been a rise in diagnosis of ‘invisible’ illness. This is not because people are faking, but due to wider recognition of those conditions. These conditions – and the suffering they cause – have always existed. The only difference is they are now officially accepted.

Diagnosis obtained, the next step is not, as suggested, to collect disability limits and live a life leisure. To begin with, the main disability payment PIP (Adp in Scotland) is not an out of work benefit. It designed to cover the extra costs that occur due to being chronically ill and or disabled. Many people in receipt of these benefits are working. Those who do not are unable to. Claiming disability benefit is not easy. Infact, the system is designed to discourage applicants. The intial paperwork is exhaustive. Each condition, treatment, medication and medical professional seen must be detailed. Furthermore, each symptom and how they impact daily life must thoroughly described. Medical evidence is required for every claim. This process is followed by DWP assesment. These are carried out by ‘medically trained’ assesors, but that medical training is rarely relevant to the claimants being assessed. Assessments consist of being questioned about every aspect of life, often being forced to disclose the most private and distressing details to a stranger. That assessor will then decide if/what you are awarded. Unfortunately these assessors rarely accurately represent what occurred in their reports. There have been countless examples of proven lies and cases of severely ill people being denied. From there one must undertaken a stressful appeal process that often seriously impacts the claimants health. The fact the majority of people who appeal will succeed underlines the fact this system is not fit for purpose. Having been through the process, I do not believe it is possible to be falsely awarded disability benefits. The DWP’s own research put fraudulent claims at less than 1%. The people who are awarded these benefits are significantly disabled by their conditions. The hate mongering that these pieces indulge in serves only to goad the public into accepting the withdrawal of support to some of the most vulnerable members of our society.

The truth of chronic illness is much bleaker than Coburn or Stock would have you believe. There’s no choice about the constant pain, fatigue, nausea or passing out. There symptoms cannot be switched off. There’s no magic wand to improve one’s mobility or rework our genetics. It’s a continuous battle to function in a world that refuses to accommodate us. We’re not chilling at home eating lollipops. We’re stuck there, physically unable to take part in our lives. Sharing these stories online isn’t a popularity contest and I can tell you from personal experience, the odd PR product does not a rich girl make. I was actually gifted some of those ‘designer’ compression socks that Coburn mocked (value Aprox £25). They’re just compression socks that aren’t ugly. I need compression socks and if I can offer a genuine review to others I will. Being disabled doesn’t stop people having style or a personality. A pink walking stick is no different to pink glasses. No one accuses people of wearing funky glasses because poor eye sight is the latest trend. Content on this topic is usually about awareness and connection. These articles are evidence of the stigma that abounds. Information is the best tonic for ignorance. We disabled/chronically ill have to advocate for ourselves. We are forced to gather information and insist on second opinions or we suffer in silence. Debunking misinformation is essential to prevent our rights being further eroded. There is also solace to be found in shared understanding. Being too sick to partake in a social life can be very isolating. Even being the person that cancels has an impact on relationships. Finding others who understand your experience is powerful. If a very few people can parle that into a career why should that be problem? Aren’t hard work, entrepreneurship and self sufficiency hallmarks of the right?

The offending socks.

It scares me it that these vile attacks now pass for mainstream journalism. These articles are clear propaganda. They are filled with untruths and snide judgements. The agenda of these pieces is blatant. Yes, they represent another skirmish in the culture wars, but they’re also a signal. A beaming light that directs hate. The disabled and chronically ill community are the latest target of the right’s misdirection. If the populace can be convinced that immigrants, trans and disabled people are the cause of all their woes, they won’t pay attention to the elite who are in charge. Like clockwork, a few days after The Telegraph piece we get details of Reform’s planned cuts to PIP. Politicians who choose to make deeper cuts to the welfare state, sell of you public services and rile up facist thugs are not your in your corner. Neither are the minions who spread their propaganda. Don’t be fooled by it.

Lies and Distractions…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

Just when I thought Keir Starmer was the most rage inducing Labour politician, Tony Blair popped his head out of whatever luxury hole he currently resides in. He decided that we all needed to hear his ableist and stigmatising opinions.

This statement is vile in a number of ways. Blair’s wilful ignorance will contribute to rising disability hate. There is no excuse for someone in his position to feed the right wing ‘scrounger’ narrative. I feel compelled to clear some things up.

Self Diagnosis

There is one reason and one reason only that there has been a rise in ‘self diagnosis’. That is inability to access mental health services. NHS waiting lists are long and actually getting a referral in the first place is laborious. Many people are instead directed to online resources and/or NHS helplines. Those who make it onto a waiting list may still have battles ahead. Most patients are offered a short course of CBT*, a modality that is not suitable for everyone and is often counterproductive. Those struggling to deal with mental illness are not researching symptoms and looking for a diagnosis for the hell of it. They do so because they are desperate. They are not adequately supported by professionals and are driven to find their own answers.

Disability Benefits Bill

Let me be clear, no one without an official diagnosis is receiving disability benefits. Successfully applying for these benefits (PIP, DLA, ESA or ADP**) is an incredibly onerous endeavour. The process requires extensive disclosures, evidence and the support of medical professionals. The system already purposely discriminates against those with mental illness. The criteria are designed to exclude symptoms and difficulties experienced by those with common mental illness like depression or anxiety. Many people with a professional diagnosis and treatment input from psychiatric services are denied these benefits. There is zero chance of someone just saying they have a condition and being approved.

Gaming the System

Implying that large numbers of people are illegitimately claiming benefits is dangerous and inaccurate. Fraud rates for disability benefits are very low. In fact, there is a higher percentage of claimants being underpaid. The application process is exhaustive. It is intentionally stressful and intimidating. Assessors frequently over ride expert medical opinion despite being unqualified to evaluate the conditions claimants have. Vast numbers of claims are rejected only to be overturned on appeal. Contrary to the current narrative, disabled people are often denied support they are entitled to.

***

Scapegoats

Disabled people make great scapegoats. We are one of the most vulnerable demographics. Often with little emotional or physical resources to fight the bureaucracy. We have been subject to harsh conditions since the beginning of austerity. Research from the University of York found that the impact of cuts to social & healthcare were linked to over 57,000 more deaths than expected between 2010 – 2014 alone. The perception that disability benefits are easily scammed and so costly as to damage the economy further endangers us. In 2023/2004 multiple regions in the UK recorded their highest number of disability hate crimes. Being scapegoated by those in positions of power is nothing new. The Tories have been using us as a distraction from their disastrous policies and corruption for years. To have Labour join in is a tough blow. I didn’t have high hopes for this government, but this page from the Conservative playbook is still alarming. Yes, I know that Blair is not a member of our government, but he does still hold sway within the party. His comments will absolutely be associated with Labour.

Disabled people are not to blame for the crisis in our health service. The UK has been experiencing a swell in both physical and mental illness for a number of years. This is as a result of deteriorating public services and a drop in quality of life. The pandemic played a part, but the biggest culprits are our political leaders. It disgusting that the trend of pointing the finger at a vulnerable group to distract from the reality of governmental failures is set to continue.

* Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

** Personal Independence Payment. Disability Living Allowance. Employment and Support Allowance. Adult Disability Payment.

*** Department of Works & Pensions

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She’s the shape of a cigarette…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

I hear tell that the ‘skinny trend’ is back. With it a theory that is not new, but is perhaps just occurring to some. Namely, that when women begin to believe in their power skinny returns to divert & exhaust our energies.

I don’t disagree entirely. The preoccupation with the size and appearance of women is certainly rooted in control. As Naomi Wolf wrote ‘a culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience’. Now, of course we can add the money to be made from convincing vast swathes of the population that they must lose weight. So, yes, thin is a tool to distract and diminish. The rest of the story is, it never goes away.

As a fat woman I know that skinny is never a trend. Thin has been the beauty standard my entire life. The degree of thinness may change, but fat is never the societal goal. The body positive movement has certainly made strides, but we are far from the majority opinion. As fat voices began to break through the message was quickly diluted. Brands adopted body liberation for cache without actually using diverse models or really extending their sizes. An hour glass white women with a flat stomach in a size 18 is not fat representation. Likewise, all the straight sized chicks contorting their bodies to create a fat roll is not #bopo. Meanwhile actual fat bodies are censored on social media. We aren’t even permitted to be centred in our own movement. Which makes it difficult for me to see when thin wasn’t in.

I was a teen in 90’s. I lived through heroin chic and I’m not convinced it felt substantially different to any other point in my timeline. I was slim then, but I never felt small enough. A feeling that stayed with me throughout my various size incarnations until my 30’s. I have observed no change in weight stigma over that time. The consensus has always been that fat is unhealthy & unattractive. Skinny has been the ideal whether Kate Moss or Kim Kardashian was reigning supreme.

No one is changing their diet or taking supplements to gain fat. There have never been articles in magazines advising how to quickly get a belly. Fat women have always faced discrimination across the board. We were & remain pilloried in media and life. A slight shift in the type of thin body most desired is not substantive. It is the same control, in a moderately tweaked package.

The real difference is perspective. If you have the privilege of living in a societally accepted body, the return of super skinny feels like a threat. Now you’re going to be pressured to shrink. You will see your image represented less. In short, you’re going to notice. Personally it makes no difference if the ideal is size 0 or size 12. I’m always too big. I will always be perceived negatively by many people. I don’t relish the return of a romanticised gaunt aesthetic. I’m just saying what all fat women know, the skinny trend is perpetual.

If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.

No one wants your opinion…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

The internet is wonderful. It provides so many opportunities to learn, connect, help. It’s entertaining. I use it every damn day, but there’s always a catch.

Join me as I let off a little steam about that catch. Let’s begin with the old foe; men. There are so many men with oh so many opinions online. There’s the reply guy who must say something. The sleazy guys who just have to objectify every female presenting person they scroll upon. The scammers who think every woman becomes an idiot when contacted by surgeon, soldier or pilot. The obsequious guys & the ‘I want to be your sugar daddy’ guys. Last but not least annoying are the gotta throw inane insults at fat women guys. They’re all tedious. I don’t want creepy compliments or offers. I couldn’t care less what some random man thinks about my body or anything else. Stop assuming that you can impose your thoughts on strangers. I am not flattered by your compliments or interested in your preferences. What I am is disgusted, tired and sometimes fucking angry.

Less toxic, but the irritation factor remains high with the tarot, spiritualist, astrology charlatans. Every one of my social media inboxes are jammed with ‘offers’. Just send my DOB, mother’s maiden name & first pet’s name for a free expert reading. Even if I were stupid enough to fall for that con I still wouldn’t believe in any of the tripe they are preaching. I’m also smart enough not to use any of the requested info as security questions. I’d bet most of the population are equally savvy. Stop bothering me. I resent the minutes and finger taps I exert to block you.

Given our fast approaching election, politics loom large. That’s fine with me, I’ve always been political and the Tories need to go. My complaint is two fold. Firstly, the gammon. The folk who get all their information from GB News & use that propaganda to legitimise their hateful beliefs. As hard as I try I can’t not be angry when I see comments spouting vile and untrue hyperbole. I despise how many people have so eagerly adopted the most hateful far right rhetoric. I could not be more sick of seeing it every day. Secondly, I despair that the parliamentary Labour Party has abandoned its soul. Keir Starmer is barely discernible from the incumbents. We deserve better. 13yrs of Conservative rule has ravaged this country. People are suffering and they should have a real alternative.

If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.

Trans rights are human rights…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

This month’s Charity of the Month is the wonderful Scottish Trans Alliance . If you’re not mad about the current discourse surrounding trans rights then this probably isn’t the blog for you.

Scottish Trans Alliance logo

The mainstream media in the UK is nothing short of vile to and about trans people and the government (uk) refuses to protect them. The political climate is repulsive. It feels very much like we are reliving the late 80’s persecution of gay people. Obviously both groups have been discriminated against outwith these periods, but there is a mirroring that I find particularly disturbing. We’ve been here before; we know those views are wrong and disgusting. Yet, here we are. Demonising, endangering and excluding people who have already had to fight too hard just to exist.

The Scottish Trans Alliance do incredible work in trying to ensure we live in the world in which a person’s gender identity, expression and history do not lead to discrimination. They participate in campaigning, legislation consultation, fund research and hold conferences/other forums to connect and support trans people in Scotland.

For the record, you are not a feminist if you do not support trans rights. Equally you are not fighting for diversity or equality if you want to remove letters from LBGTQ+. If like me, you know that trans rights are human rights please donate to Scottish Trans.

A protest with placards saying Trans Rights Now

You’re toxic…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

If you are at all interested in dismantling diet culture you will be aware that new government legislation regarding calories on menus has now come into force. The legislation is part of the government’s plan to tackle ‘obesity’. Whilst I have a lot to say on that larger topic, I’ll stick to the calorie information for now. It will come as no surprise that I am not in favour of this development.

As a fat woman who spent years of my life embroiled in yo-yo dieting I know how dangerous constant calorie counting can be. In the depths of my disordered eating I was obsessed with calories. They were my enemy and required constant monitoring. I had calorie based rules for everything. Limits for every meal and limits for the entire day. If I was going to drink alcohol I wasn’t allowed any food. I counted the calories burned during exercise in an attempt to cancel out what I had consumed. I knew & counted the calorie content of everything; a smint, a grape, a sip of wine. Calories were omnipresent. It was an exhausting battle against my body’s basic needs and I was miserable. My quest to be thin damaged me, physically & mentally.

I’m not the only one nor am I the most severely impacted. We live in a world that is constantly reinforcing the message that smaller is better. Putting the calorie content of every item in every menu only compounds that. It won’t encourage ‘healthy eating’, everyone already knows what foods are full of saturated fat. What it will encourage is distorted view of what a healthy lifestyle is. It will support the diet culture narrative; fewer calories are better. Looking at the numbers every time we go out to eat will reinforce an unhealthy relationship with food. People will feel guilty for ordering the dish they want. It’ll trigger obsessive thoughts and behaviours in those who are dealing with or have experienced disordered eating. It will cement the connection in the collective mind between health and calorie control.

I posted about this legislation on my Instagram stories today and have already received multiple messages from people who have been distressed by seeing these menu additions. These are people trying to claw back control of their eating. People who have worked hard at ignoring that voice in their head telling them what they can and cannot have. They’re scared. Genuinely frightened of how they feel when they see signs telling them how many calories an adult shout eat in a day. Worried about the thoughts the calorie count on their coffee provokes. This isn’t a surge towards a healthier society, it’s a huge step backwards.

The problem with this move is the thinking from which it stems. Our government is telling us that being fat is a problem. That fat people are a burden we must shift. That isn’t true. There is no proven way to permanently make a fat person thin. Diets do not work; within 5 years 95% of those who intentionally lose weight will regain all they have lost and more. Calorie restriction is not sustainable. More over, it is not good for you. It ignores the intersections between weight and poverty & disabilities. Not to mention the impact of medical weight stigma on the health of fat patients. There are many lifestyle changes a person can explore if they want to improve their health. Focusing entirely on calories and weight loss is not one them. Health and weight are not intrinsically linked. Adding the calorie content to menus is dangerous. It sidesteps the issue of public health and props up stale old diet culture tropes.

I am not a doctor or an expert. I am merely an informed former victim of the diet industry. I am a fat activist and as such I can see that many people may dismiss me as having an agenda. With that in mind I point you towards the following resources.

Dr Asher Larmie

Marquisele Mercedes

Dr Joshua Wolrich

Gillian McCollum

Alishia McCullough

If you enjoy my writing you can support me on Ko-Fi

If I had a little a money…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

In recent weeks the cost of disability debate seems to be all over the place again. Mainly able bodied folk rudely telling disabled folk what we do & do not need. It is of course offensive and exceptionally annoying to be on the receiving end of this. Debating your reality us never fun. Hence, I thought I’d do a little run down of the day to day expenses that my disabilities incur. I am far from the worst case scenario, so bare that in mind when you’re processing this.

It feels important to make it clear that sick & disabled people are rarely just given the things they require. There is a myth that equipment, money, human support & treatments are just handed out to anyone asking. They absolutely are not. Any help we do receive is procured through humiliating assessments, long waiting lists & much general fuckwittery. At the end of which our requests are often denied. It’s a special kind of torture to lay yourself bare to unfeeling beaurocrats only to be gaslit & told you’re fine. Or, sometimes even more frustrating, It’s accepted that you need help & such help exists, but it is not available to you for ‘reasons’. We are screwed over time & again, left with the option of paying for the thing ourselves or never getting it. When the thing that must be paid for is essential, that’s not really a choice.

So, bearing in mind that many disabled people’s ability to work full time (or at it all) is impacted by their conditions, how do you think your pocket would deal with this.

Travel

I can’t get around much on my own as I can’t walk very far. During Covid public transport has been even less of an option for me. I have to take taxis everywhere. Using last week as an example, this costs:

  • Hospital App – £11.80
  • Visit Bestie – £11.30
  • Vet – £8.60
  • Pick up Bronan’s Prescription- £8.80
  • Post Office – £8.60
  • Work Meeting – £22
  • Weekly Total – £71.10

Pain Relief

Lots of really effective pain relief options are simply not available via the NHS. These are pain management related items I have had to buy.

  • Heat Pads – £5 per 3 pack.
  • Tens Machine – £65
  • Tens Pads – £5 per 10.
  • Long Hot Water Bottle – £20
  • Microwaveable Heat Pouch – £15
  • Dragon Balm – £2.50 a jar.
  • Lidocaine Patches – £60 per 10 pack.
  • Vape – £35
  • Cbd Oil – £15 per 50ml.
  • Freeze Spray – £1
  • Paracetamol – 56p per 12
  • Massage – £70 per 60 mins.
  • Kinesiology Tape – £5.50
  • Yoga Mat – £20
  • Foam Roller – £12

Disability Aids

I believe some local councils will fit disability aids in social housing or if people meet certain criteria. Unfortunately I do not live in social housing nor meet those criteria. Thus, I had had to purchase any device I require.

  • Walking Stick Ferrule – £5
  • Easi Reach – £10.99
  • Easy Open Food Containers – £25
  • Jar Opener – £5.50
  • Easy Veg Chopper – £20
  • Multi Bottle Opener – £5
  • Auto Can Opener – £15
  • Lotion Aplicator – £8
  • Walking Stick Seat – £25
  • Sock/Tights Aid – £8
  • Bra Angel – £17
  • Hook/Zipper Assist – £6
  • Suction Grab Handles – £28
  • Shower Seat – £35
  • Wearable Tens Holder – £20
  • Press on Lights – £10 per 3 pack.

Services

There are jobs that must be done regularly that I am incapable of doing. There is no support for such things, so I must pay people to do them.

  • Grass Cutting – £45
  • Hedge Cutting – £60
  • Weeding & Garden Tidying – £100
  • Wheelie Bin Cleaning – £8
  • Window Cleanimg – £8
  • Bathroom & Kitchen Deep Clean – £175

On top of the costs outlined most disabled people also report spending more on bills. My gas bill tends to be high as I have a greater need & more difficulty keeping warm. My electricity bill soars with the need to charge various essential aids & technology. My food shopping is increased by the need to purchase lots of pre prepared fruit & veg, free from items to accommodate my dodgy stomach, plus the cost of food waste when I am unable to cook/eat. Having everything delivered incurs a cost as does working from home, which both add to my outgoings. In fact, Scope reports that on average disabled people face extra costs of £583 per month. That’s only accounting for necessary day to day living.

Should a disabled person attempt to do anything beyond the basic there will of course also be additional costs. Try going on holiday, trying a new hobby, undertaking to study a new discipline and you will find that there are always extras/different apparatus to enable a disabled person to take part. Almost every aspect life presents a bigger bill.

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Ordinary pain…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

I have shared some of my pain management techniques in the past. Recently I’ve been experimenting with some new methods and I thought I would share how I have been getting on.

First is a product I have mentioned before, but have only recently been able to properly try. Lidocaine Patches are hard to come by in the UK. They’re expensive and so can only be prescribed by the NHS for a very limited number of conditions. They’re mainly used inpatient and for short periods. I had been able to try them for an incredibly short period of time a few years ago. I found them helpful, but wasn’t able to get a longer term supply. The surge in my pain levels this year sent me into research overdrive. Time and again I read articles & personal accounts of how amazing lidocaine patches were for arthritis & fibromyalgia. I discussed it with my GP who agreed that they would be a good option for me, but she wasn’t permitted to prescribe them. After much searching I found a way to source the patches and bought them myself. They are not cheap. I had mine sent from Canada, 10 patches were approx £60. For me, they are proving worth it. The patches offer excellent relief for my joints. They don’t eliminate pain altogether, but they do vastly reduce it. Patches can be applied directly to the skin and remain on for 12hrs. They offer pain relief for that entire period (the last few hours you can feel their effect lessening). I have also found the patches ease my more extreme period cramps. My approach is to use the patches on my very worst or most active days. I wish I could afford to apply them everyday, but with head to toe pain, that’s just not possible right now. I’m not happy that NHS treats chronically ill & disabled patients this way. Tying a Dr’s hands & leaving then to prescribe treatment that they know is ineffective is utter bullshit. I am however crazy happy that I can now access the patches. I know that not everyone has the means to buy things like this themselves (I won’t always). There is much to be done in the fight for disability rights. In the meantime I am doing what I can to get by.

I’m late to the simple concept of squared breathing. In all the therapy, meditation, pain management sessions etc I have done it’s strange that I didn’t learn about before. I’ve tried umpteen breathing exercises. All touted as a wonder cure, none ever succeeded in doing anything but annoy me. Imagine my surprise when the simple act of breathing in for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four and repeat actually worked. Squared breathing doesn’t reduce pain, it reduces the panic I feel when my pain starts climbing out of control. Holding off that panic is game changer. All the tension that comes with freaking out increases pain. The whirring fear severely impacts my ability to make clear decisions. In short, the panic makes a horrible situation worse. Carving myself a little bit of time to think with this exercise actually makes a big difference in those unbearable moments.

Diagram explaining squared breathing

Finally, we have CBD. Not a new or unknown thing. This is another one I tried before, but only recently perfected. In the past I tried cbd gummies & oil. I didn’t have much success with either. I found the huge array of products overwhelming. I couldn’t quite work out what strength & how much I needed to find relief from my symptoms. The gummies had no impact. The oil was a little better, but the taste made me gag (& sometimes throw up). The after taste contaminated my mouth the whole day. Every site I looked at seemed to offer different advice. I became confused and gave up. A couple of months ago I tried some disposable CBD vapes. A very knowledgable member of staff in a local shop helped me. In no time at all I had finally worked out the right strength for me. I have now invested in a refillable vape & stocked up on oil. I’m using 10% organic vision cbd oil with a minty fresh flavour, which is very palatable. It’s helping with headaches, muscle pain & stiffness.

Multi coloured vape pen on wooden background

As always, I want to remind everyone that I am not a medical professional. I am only describing what has worked for me. Please consult your Dr before making changes.

If you enjoy my writing you can support me here or on Patreon

Finally the tables are starting to turn…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

Trump lost. Between unsubstantiated cries of fraud and threats of violence his supporters have already launched a new form absurdity. Backed by centrist liberals with the very least to lose, they are calling for the left treat to them with respect & kindness.

Yes, you read that right. Trumpets are forcefully requesting that we be mindful of how hurt they are right now. The ‘fuck your feelings’ brigade have had a change of heart now that their feelings are they ones in peril. ‘Don’t gloat’, they say, ‘You’ll never win us over if you aren’t nice’. This may well be a good strategy to teach small children embarking on team sports. It is not however, a rational approach to facists.

Hearing this woe is me nonsense from the right is infuriating. Though, Since hypocrisy & self interest are their watch words it is entirely predictable. The thing that’s really making me angry is the mildly left leaning white folk repeating it. Trump is trying to stage a coup and liberals are calling for reconciliation. Pleas to reach out to trump voters & forgive are frankly, repugnant. Nothing shouts my privilege protects me more than declaring amnesty on white supremacist, misogynistic, ableist, homophobic, transphobic, rapist, child abusers. Those who have been in the firing line of this administration need more from us.

They deserve our roaring support. Minority groups should be able to trust that we, the left, have their backs. They need to know that those of us with more privilege will not desert them as soon as we no longer feel personally endangered. They warrant more protection because they are valuable human beings. Also, because they more than anyone have worked to procure this victory. Democrats owe this presidency to black women & activist groups tirelessly toiling to get the vote out. It’s a punch in the face to forgive the people who object to their existence.

Your political beliefs are who you are. Conservatives have shown us what they believe. They have shown a willingness to exceptional harm. They have enjoyed the crass cruelty of the last four years. Trump voters were not duped. They are not all unintelligent. They chose him because he spoke their language. They want more. This is not the time to forgive and forget.

Healing doesn’t happen by asking victims to absolve their abusers. We’re not talking about people have seen the light & sincerely wish to make amends. Their views have not changed. They are still ok with children in cages, police brutality & turning women into breeding stock. Or at the very least are happy to be complicit if it benefits their life.

It is reasonable to remove such people from your life. It’s crucial that those who enabled Trump’s reign be held accountable. We should fight to remove these people from power and make their lives uncomfortable. Don’t patronise their businesses. Don’t tolerate their vile rhetoric in your schools, homes or work places. If you see a member of his administration in a restaurant you should feel free to tell them they are scum. Far right ideals didn’t begin with Trump & they won’t disappear when his term ends.

It is essential that we come together and make it clear that actions have consequences. You cannot be in favour of exterminating groups of people and be happily welcomed into decent society. I’ll consider absolution if I ever see any repentance.

In case you are wondering, I do not point this wrath solely at the Americans. We need to hold true to this doctrine in the UK. The Tories aren’t any less of a threat. They are engaged in the same jingoism. Austerity, Brexit, the hostile immigration environment are all part of the same right wing hellscape. Now is the time to dig in for real change.

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When you take you gotta give…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

I’m going to begin this post with a disclaimer; my brain fog is currently set to victorian horror film. The covid has made my thoughts oh so murky. Please try to factor than in if I don’t reach my usual standards.

As a fat positive activist I am naturally drawn to lots of bopo & fat spaces. Unfortunately I have increasingly noticed a slide away from the radical in some of. I’ve been mulling this topic over for a while and I really want to talk about it.

We all know that the body positive movement has been corrupted by brands & individuals trying to cash in. The centring of slim, white bodies has neutered the original message. Body image issues are not the same as the same as the systemic discrimination of fat bodies face. It is infuriating to see people in socially acceptable bodies play at being fat by contorting themselves to make rolls. However, at least that problem is acknowledged & challenged.

I find the move away from the origins of body positivity much more upsetting when it occurs in supposedly fat friendly places. Body Positivity was created by fat (mostly black) women. It’s purpose was to fight the stigma & discrimination that fat people experience in all aspects of life. Self love & positive body image have been an offshoot of that. Personally, I am very much in favour of those ‘spin offs’. I think learning to accept & eventually love your body can be revolutionary. I champion breaking down the toxic things society has taught us about our bodies, but I still recognise that body liberation is not solely about loving our bellies.

Fat activism should put the most marginalised front & centre. We must make room for those who are least often seen or heard. We should focus on making sure that those individuals feel comfortable discussing the issues they face, sharing pictures & asking for help. Sadly, this is not always what happens. Many groups in the fat world are so intent on being all inclusive that they do not realise who they are excluding.

A drawing of a medicine bottle labelled cure with the text ‘self love can’t cure fat phobia’

I see too much time spent on body confidence. Straight sized people taking up space in fat groups because they feel bad about their bodies. Brands whose sizes stop at a 20 are praised & promoted. Descriptors commonly used in fat activism ( super fat, small fat) are labelled insensitive. Bigger people are sidelined. When they try to discuss how they are being pushed out they met with hurt feelings and all the reasons less marginalised people have it hard too. It’s beyond disappointing.

It seems the fight for fat equality has been forgotten. Body liberation is not about making everyone feel great about themselves. It’s about ensuring access to medical treatment, housing, employment for fat people. Challenging inaccurate measurements of health, sizism in public spaces and fat politics should be prime discussion points. We should be listening when people tell us they feel pushed out of a place that is supposed to be for them.

I believe that too many in the fat community are taking their eye off prize. We have become consumed with being welcoming & positive. Both great traits, but we have to prioritise. If straight sized and smaller fats want to be part of the movement we have to accept our privilege. Our voices should not be the loudest. We can be welcoming to allies. Those who are respectful and want to learn can included. We all have blind spots. It is ok to make a mistake or not to know something. It isn’t ok to not want to learn. If your response to uncomfortable truths is to play the victim, there isn’t any room for you in fat activism.

Graffitied wall with poster saying ‘acknowledge your privilege ‘

There are so many amazing resources available for anyone who wand to educate themselves. Instagram accounts with bite size information. Books, podcasts & blogs for every stage of learning. It isn’t fair to rely on the emotional labour of fat people who may not always have the energy to teach. It is especially unjust to plead ignorance and then object to the manner in which you are provided information. Discomfort is part of the process.

Plus sized woman faces a sandstone wall wearing top with multi coloured fringe. Text says ‘growing is supposed to feel uncomfortable’

I know I have lots to learn. I step on toes without intending to. I hope I listen when I’m told I’ve caused pain. I am trying to be better. I am happy to acknowledge the privilege I hold and I aim to fight alongside those with less. I want a better world. The middle of the road is not the way to get there.

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