I ain’t buying it…

I was planning a wish list post when it dawned on me that I had already procured most of the things I had been wishing for. It has been an accidentally/couldn’t help myself spendy few weeks. So, instead I thought I’d knock up a list of the over hyped things that I just don’t want. The things blogs & insta are packed with that I just can’t get excited about. 

I am totally used to being the odd one out, but I’m thinking there must be even one other person out there as puzzled as I am. 

1. Highlighter for yourVulva 

The Perfect V is a company who make beauty products for your vulva. Their line includes, yes, highligter. Listen to me, your genitals do not need make up. Nor does your vulva require exfoliation rejuvenating serums or specialised cleansers. Your bits look exactly as the should. Please do not succumb to this internalised misogyny. Shades of V is a £35 yeast infection. Your lily does not need gilded. 

2. Urban Decay Heat Palette

I’ve never been a massive make up girl. Don’t get me wrong I love my slap, but I don’t wear it everyday. In fact, most days I wear none at all. So, new make up releases do not generally excite me. However, the hype on this palette was massive. Everyone was talking about it before it was released & i’m still seeing exhilarated blogs, weeks later. Here’s the thing, it is a collection of warm neutral eyeshadows.  You know, like almost every other palette you see these days. Is there a make up wearing person left on earth who does not already have some shimmery brown eyeshadow? Maybe it’s me, but I don’t get it & I definitely don’t want. 

3. Matcha 

It is in everything & I don’t like it. The tea tastes yuck so I don’t want it in my cakes, ice cream, toothpaste, lip balm or bloody cocktails. Bye matcha. 

4. Bralettes

Suddenly no one wears a bra.  It’s all slivers of lace & whispers of sexy fabric. All prettier than most clothes & encasing beautiful pert breast.  Ok, truth, I only hate bralettes because my tits damn near need the finnieston crane to hold them up. They do sell bralettes for big boobs, but they are LIES & I am BITTER. 


5. Mac, Avon, Nars…

and every other brand that caved to China’s brutal animal testing policies. In case you aren’t aware, china requires products sold there to be tested on animals. For some big name cosmetic companies that means going back on their word to ditch animal testing. Profit is more important than ethics for some brands. As far as I’m concerned cruelty is for cunts. 


You can find cruelty free alternatives here.

6. Gin

I have a pathological hatred of the stuff & it’s everywhere. A couple of years ago folk cottoned onto how cheap & easy it is to make gin. Then PR people went mental. Now I have to wade through swamps of gin everytime I want a drink. I know it’s being marketed as coolest tipple, but I’m not buying it. 

I hate you so much right now….

I’m having one of those days when life seems determined to subvert my plans. It is, to say the least, infuriating. So, I thought I would vent my frustrations by having a little bitch about the smaller things that get my goat.

If you’re wearing anything with a wizard on it, you might want to stop skip this bit. I’m afraid when I see an adult reading a Harry Potter book I have to suppress the urge to scream. Those stories are for kids. Read a grown up book. 

Staring. Stop it. It’s just basic manners. I know I’m fat. I know my boobs are enormous. My clothes are weird clothes, but continued looks won’t alter that. Yup, I have scars & piercings & tattoos. Stop gawking. Oh & whilst we’re on the topic quite nudging your mates & whispering too. I see you & it’s rude. Seriously, just stop it. 

  
Carol Vorderman. She’s not a genius. She’s not even likeable. She does morally questionable adverts & her face just annoys me. I don’t have very good reasons for my hatred. I just can’t stand her. No more woman. No more. 

Gin. It’s horrid, but only recently has it made my list. Some marketing dept somewhere clearly decided they needed to make gin cool & man alive have they been successful. It is now almost impossible to find a cocktail that doesn’t have gin lurking in it. Events have gin only bars. Everyone in the bloody world suddenly lists it as their favourite tipple. It’s taking over. Go away gin. I don’t want you.

  

I’m going to wrap this up with my current top level pet hate. Basic bitches. I think my interpretation of this phrase may be slightly different from other folks, so I shall explain. What really winds me up is chicks whose understanding of feminism & womanhood is peripheral. The type of person who doesn’t think trans women are ‘real women’. They love a bit of slut shaming & feel gender roles must be adhered too. This is a girl who conforms, they will  mock anyone who dares to be different. Solidarity is not their watch word. They’re basic & more often than not, they’re bitchy AF. 

  
(I’m amused by this meme because Judy can be basic herself)

Disclaimer : If you’re a gin swilling, Harry Potter loving relative of Carol Vorderman, the majority of this post is just a tongue in cheek rant.