Give the day a chance to start…

It’s been a fairly standard day. I got some writing finished, sorted a little admin & did a food shop. No exciting hijinks. Nothing horrible either. Why then do I find myself feeling so overwhelmingly sad?

An hour ago I was just getting on with the daily grind. I wasn’t jumping for joy, but I was fine. From one moment to the next my equilibrium vanished. For no discernible reason I am flooded with melancholy. It is one of most baffling aspects of my mental illness. It extends beyond feeling miserable. My inability to comprehend what is happening leaves me powerless to combat it.

Control is a big thing for me. I think, because there have been major parts of my like that I have lacked significant sway. That leaves me very uncomfortable with the uncertain components of my mental health. It is very frightening to know that my mood may descend at any moment. It’s even more alarming when I don’t know why. I can’t tackle a problem when I cannot identify the cause.

Moon in cloudy sky

That leaves me just trying to ride out the low. With no clue as how long the trip may last, it is hard not to lose hope. It’s hard to compute how much of a hold these periods take on me. This isn’t deepest, darkest despair. It’s what I think of as everyday depression. More grey than black. A persistent ache rather than unbearable pain. Yet its unpredictability looms large.

So, how do I combat the urge to believe there isn’t any point fighting a battle when I know I’ll lose the war? This is good a starting point. I write about my crazy head in an effort to exert dominion over it. I try to talk about it or at least just label it out loud. Not having to pretend that everything is a ok can help. I remind myself that I can and have exited these dips. There is colour in my life waiting to reappear. Of course I take my meds and then I just hold tight.

Long term mental illness is a slog. It leaves you no option other than to dig in & get dirty. My heart goes out to anyone else who is stuck in the trenches.

Autumn leaves in street lamp

People’s parties…

On Saturday I had two parties to attend. One big event is enough to stress me out, so a 1st & 40th on the same Saturday had me more than a little worked up. I did actually manage to have fun & I think (hope) I pulled off two cool looks too.

First up was my best friend’s baby’s 1st birthday. I’m in still in shock that my tiny Madison is one already. I honestly feel like I’m living in fast forward. Anyway, she was an adorable birthday girl. Her party was incredibly cute & all the little people in attendance were a delight. Since it was a children’s event I went for a slightly whimsical outfit. All the colours & petticoat as a skirt was my choice.

ly h Kerr

Petticoat – Lindy Bop

Top – Asos

Cardi – Primark

Sophie the giraffe birthday cake

Sister, bestie & their babies.
I know the best babies.

I didn’t have much time to get organised for the next event. So, the plan was to change outfit, amp up the eye make up and reapply my lipstick. I somehow managed to create my dream grey glitter eye including winged liner. Unfortunately as it was a bit of a fluke it’s possible I’ll never recreate it. Thus, I intend to enjoy these pictures incase it never happens again. Clothes wise I settled on a dress I’ve had for years, but only worn once. The Toyboy thinks it looks like a gladiator dress & I’m very ok with that. I’m afraid I didn’t get a full length picture, but you can get a good look here. Another of my siblings turning 40 necessitated the drinking of many shots, which scuppered outfit photos. I did of course document my sexy smokey eyes & fun was had by all. Not least my big bro, who even took the dance floor.

ly h Kerr, smokey eye

40th birthday cake & lights ly h Kerr, mum & sis

Dress – Asos Curve

Shrug – Monsoon

Happy Birthday Kevin & Madison. Now I need the rest of the month off before I’m ready for the anniversary of my own birth.

Summer loving…

Wedding season is in full swing & I attended my first nuptials of the year on Saturday. The sun was shining, the bride was glowing & I debuted possibly the cutest dress that ever existed. Not to make it all about me, but I was adorable.

From the cute mint green colour to the delightful jungle print, this dress was a winner. Add a rainbow petticoat & you’re into super awesome territory.

Dress – Lindy Bop

Shrug – Monsoon

Petticoat – Lindy Bop

Yes, those are tigers & parrots & a wild jungle woman. Yes, this is best dress you’ve ever seen.

I was also responsible for selecting the Toyboy’s Outfit. Thus he looked incredibly cool & handsome. I went for linen in grey tones & it worked. He garnered many compliments & I couldn’t wait to get him home.

Trousers – Next

Shirt – Next

Jacket – Burton

The wedding itself was lovely. The humanist ceremony was very personal & romantic. The setting was pretty & the bride looked stunning. We had a lot of fun hanging out with the Tb’s family. Special mention to Michael who got involved in the tequila & who definitely reads this blog.

Cheers!

Choose DIY…

Last year I discovered that I rather enjoy festooning my hair with flowers. Be it fresh blooms or elaborate flower crowns. However, I have been struggling to find a new adornment that matches the creation I have in my mind. Since I really wanted my imagined accessory I had no option but to take matters into my own hands.

  
I am not an incredibly crafty person. I lack precision & patience. It seems, though, that flower crowns may be my forte. Armed with artificial flowers, a satin hairband & big tube of superglue I embarked on a diy adventure. 

  
Half way.

I enjoyed my creative session & was even more pleased with the finished result. So much so that I am already dreaming up my next crowning glory. 

  

 

Dance ballerina Dance….

 I took these pictures last week when Glasgow was still acknowledging summer. This dress is a little softer than unusually go for, but it instantly captured my heart. They also had it in black & I’m yearning for that one now too.  

  
  
Dress – Forever21

Earrings – Forever21

I know everyone loves this super straight hair look, but I hate it. In these pics my hair just looks flat & boring to me. I much prefer a bit of crazy in my lock. However, my accessories were spot on. Pale pride is totally a thing I’m on board with.

   

Necklace – Bonnie Bling

Song of home…

I am a bit of a homebody & a big believer in making ones home an extension of oneself. With that in mind I am finally getting around to some decorating. Chronic illness can slow the pace on big projects like this, but I am making headway. 

My interior style is (as might be expected) is a hodge podge with books, photographs of loved ones, candles & 2nd hand finds taking centre stage. I have some gorgeous pieces of antique furniture which I have just added a perfect little drop leaf table to.  

I am focusing my decorating zeal on my most used rooms. First up being my living room. I am keeping most of my walls neutral & paying homage to my one true love with this awesome library wallpaper.

  
I am running with the literary theme with these booky cushions.  

And giving a nod to some other passions with these playful additions. 

  
The rainbow feminist cushion is going to pair perfectly with the blanket my darling mother hand crocheted just for me

  

I’m keeping curtains simple & illuminate the room with this quirky lamp.

  

My main light shade will remain unchanged. To be honest I inherited this & was not originally a fan. However adding a halogen light bulb basically turned this fixture into mood lighting. Observe & admire.

  
In my bedroom I really want to shift gear. It’s currently sporting a vivid red wall, which whilst kind of sexy; needs tamed. I’m hoping to create a sanctuary. With that in mind I’m opting for great tones on the walls. I think grey is a much maligned shade, in it’s softer shades, I find it very soothing. I plan to lift the greys with copper light fighting & frames. Finally I will indulge my deep & abiding affecfion for flamingos. I feel a certain kinship with these birds as love or loathe them, you will notice them. I too am a creature who tends to stand out. 

  
  
  
  
Again I’ll keeping window dressing minimal, my beloved black out blind will be flying solo. I’ll be dipping my toe in the artistic pool & attempting to create some art ;taking inspiration from some favourite lyrics, in this case the Beatles’ across the universe. 

Last, but not least what bedroom would be complete without a nod to its intimate nature.

  
I’ll be sure to update you with pictures when the work is done.