Make it easy on yourself…

2019 has barely gotten going & it’s been rough already. In a matter of weeks I have lost my baby & my boyfriend, which is less than an auspicious beginning. If I sound flippant, I’m not, I’m just trying very hard to put one foot in front of the other.

The demise of my pregnancy is devastating. My relationship’s end is sad, but the right decision and that’s about all I have to say on the topic. I find myself approaching the year (and my life) alone again. Being single hasn’t ever worried me all that much. I’m definitely not scared to be that kind of alone. Childlessness on the other hand, terrifies me. What do you when you’re facing your biggest fear? I haven’t a fucking a clue.

#projectpostit

For the time being I have taken the clichéd approach of one day at a time. I’m trying not to spend every day at home in my jammies (there is however a lot of crying on the sofa). Functioning is a struggle for a multitude of reasons. Primarily, I am exhausted. I’m always tired. Add even less sleep, the effort it takes to contain my anger at life itself, the fact that I will not stop bleeding, so despite the blood transfusion my haemoglobin level continues to flag and you get extreme fatigue. Having a different emotion every 5 seconds is tiring. Battling (& often failing) to contain the tears is wearing. Breathing & washing & conversing & not screaming is all taking gargantuan effort. The truth is I’m not managing very much. I’m practising being ok with that.

Blood transfusion, Rose wine, snuggling cat, reading baby

I recommend spending time with people who don’t expect too much of you. I’m giving priority to anything that give me comfort; my little people & potatoes pretty much have that covered. Hot baths have featured heavily as has ‘fake it ’til you make it’ make up. There was one afternoon of day drinking with a lovely friend that actually helped a lot, but not something it would be wise to make a habit of. My purring cat is a godsend. I’m reading, sleeping whenever I can and endeavouring to be gentle with myself.

ly h Kerr

I have no clue how to tackle the overwhelming sense of guilt. Chipping away at how ‘not fair’ this is may well take the rest of my life. I’m focusing on the small stuff. Giving myself a pass on the growing mountain of washing, the ideas that go unpitched and being awfully rude to the person who called about my non-existent road traffic accident. I find it harder than you’d imagine to let that stuff go. Being hard on myself comes easy. i have learned that when life gets you on the ground it’s worth tackling the instinct to kick oneself whilst already down.

Sunset

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Early bird gift guide…

I know I am getting into the Xmas chat a bit early & I apologise. I only do it because it takes me ages to get organised. I have loads of Dec birthdays & far off loved ones to send to on top of regular Xmas. The added complications of spoonie life means I’m usually already quietly Xmas shopping in October. I am certain there are others just like me out there, thus I thought some early gift guides might be useful.

I’m staring with this fairly random guide as I think most folk are a bit eclectic in their tastes. I find all those really specific guides a bit annoying because very few people fit in just one box. So, i have collated this bunch of cool, but varied gifts. I’m calling it, traditional eclectic, all the standard crimbo fare with some twists. 

I may have mentioned before that christmas without velvet is just not on. Velvet clothes feel divine, so imagine how amazing this most tactile of fabrics would feel right next to your skin. Yup, velvet lingerie is definitely a sexy festive gift. Of course along with something to slink about in, something to slob in is also required at Xmas. Never underestimate the power of good jammies. 

All good book shops, New Look, Plus size lingerie lounge, New Look, All good book shops,The literary gift company. 

Hand in hand with nightwear go a really good book & this delightful cushion to lounge upon. I have become a bit of a cushion fanatic, but I think most book lovers would be pleased with this couch addition. 

Everyone likes a bit fancy at Xmas time. Wether that be twinkling on your eyelids or quirky touches around the house. 


eBay, Asda Home, Urban Decay (Heavy Metal). 


Barry M, I want one of those, Pyro Pet, Ciate (Glitter Flip).

The rise of the christmas jumper in recent years has tickled my fancy. The sheer variety of festive knitwear means there is something to suit all tastes. Chocolate & jewellery are also Xmas staples. Again, if you look hard enough you can find some to please everyone. 


Vegan Town, Marks & Spencer’s, Bonnie Bling. 

As a kid I always had a holy advent calendar, so the idea of a vegan choc one really appeals to me. Making a statement with my accessories is so up my street, but sometimes I just want my baubles to look pretty.  There’s a bit of each here.


Rebel Circis, Marks & Spencer’s, Fuck the Tories. 

If my haste upsets you, I get it. If however you have a massive Xmas list that you need to get ahead of, have at it. 

My week (ish) in pictures…

To be honest it’s more like a month in pictures as I have spent a lot of time in bed the last few weeks. Hey ho, I have still managed to wear some cute looks, have a bit of fun & snap interesting things. 

I made it out one weekend to Yellow Movement Sunday. It’s a monthly gig featuring local talent. This month’s included Scottish hip hop & reggae from Skaledonia, Busker Rhymes & Umbungo Nambarie. The event  was raising funds for Suicide Prevention, which I was very happy to support. Check out their Facebook for next month’s line up. 


I’ve rocked some smashing nail art  & debuted new accessories. I caught a few sun rises, including this corker. There have been even more pills to take & moustache experimentation.



My neice, Athena, clued me in on zombie eyes, shopkins, how pesky her Dad is & much much more. Our facetimes are always a highlight of my week. I haven’t been able to see much of baby Kevin as I didn’t want to make him sick. He loves my dangly light shade & I love this picture of him playing with it. 

Work took me to the Ibis Style in Glasgow. I took the toyboy along to make it more fun & he didn’t disappoint. We nipped out for a yummy bento box & then just chilled in the big comfy bed. He also did a little hiding behind the curtains because that’s what toy boys do. It’s a cool hotel with a strong Glasgow theme, which I think tourists would love. The most important parts of any hotel for me are good bathroom & breakfast. Ibis gets a big tick for both. 


There has also been a lot of staying home in jammies, Sundays in bed, cosy comfy outfits & snuggles with Bronan. Oh, I also met a puppy & project post it is still going strong. 


Hope you’ve all survived January. It has certainly been eventful on a global scale. Fingers crossed for a reduction in crazy next month. 

The bedtime tag…

I’ve read a few other blogger’s posts on this & as bed is one of my happy places I wanted to join in.



What are your favourite pajamas?

Soft & warm jim jams do it for me. I am severely aneamic, which makes me freezing most of the time. I have sexy chemises, but I’m more frequently found in M&S thermals & fluffy socks. 



Current bedtime reading?

In one person by John Irving. Another excellent book by one of my favourite writers. 

What is on your bedside table?

My bedside table is actually two large stacks of books. I can’t sleep without reading, so I always have a pile of books waiting to be read. On top of my books lives an anti ageing face cream, germolene, pain killers, pain relief gel, my glasses & peptac. 

Favourite sleepy scent?

Various violet scented products. My bedroom usually smells of violets. 

What is your usual bedtime & wake up routine?

I have a lot of trouble sleeping, so it varies. I am definitely a night owl, so I won’t be in bed before midnight. 

Top 3 bedtime products?

A rather strong prescription sleeping pill.

A rather strong prescription pain killer.

Lacuna expert regeneration night cream. 

Your most common sleeping position?

On my side with one hand under my pillow.

Any strange bedtime routines?

I don’t think do. Brush my teeth, wash my face etc

Are you the big spoon or little spoon?

Little spoon, but as I mostly share my bed with this little man, I don’t often get the chance.



I shall tag my wee sister to share her bedtime secrets.