Valentine’s Day is my Dad’s birthday, so my plans weren’t remotely romantic. However, I haven’t been properly dressed in weeks and I wanted to look nice for a wee family lunch. After much wardrobe pondering, I plucked out some old favourites.
I haven’t worn this dress in ages, I loved the swish the petticoat added. I’m been very into the double velvet of late. I think I scrubbed up pretty well even if I had to stick with cushioned comfy shoes.
Dress – Pink Clove Belt – Boohoo Tights – Snag Glasses – Where Light Blazer – Monsoon
We took Dad out for lunch and then did a little toy shopping. I even managed to finagle a frozen Coke, which I haven’t had since Australia. I love it, the delicious icy goodness was my valentine.
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This week Sam Smith has hit the headlines for being sexy in a music video; a thing a million people have done before. Why the outrage? Simply because they don’t fit societal ‘norms’.
In the current climate they are an easy target. A non binary, queer, plus size person happily expressing themselves was bound to push right wing buttons. Their faux outrage is expected. Waging their culture war with no regard for the actual lives their damaging. It’s disgusting, but sadly, no surprise.
The really sickening part is the crappy takes from people I’d expect better from. The same folk who usually embrace expressions of sexuality, raunchy content & playing with gender roles have no problem shitting on Sam Smith.
The reason for the different reaction is simple; fat queer people aren’t allowed to be loudly accepting of themselves. If you don’t fit neatly into a traditionally beautiful box you’re supposed to be ashamed. No joyful self love. If you’re not fading into the background, you’re pushing an agenda.
What’s more Sam has committed the cardinal sin of telling the truth. They have been honest about how ill striving to be thin made them. Also, very clear about how right it feels to have their correct gender recognised. They’ve talked about the hate they have received for simply existing as their authentic self. No one is really worried about a pop star dancing in pasties. They’re furious that someone whose body & identity they don’t deem acceptable is living their best life.
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I haven’t had a pointless rant in a while, but it’s a whole new year & there are things to bitch about! Sit back, relax & let’s see if we agree.
Cargo/Parachute Pants
I know fashion is circular; wait long enough and it all comes around again. Surely there can be exceptions? Maybe we could black ball a few key pieces. For instances these illfitting, pocket laden mistakes. The only people who ever looked marginally good in them were All Saints & even they would say ‘never ever’ to their return.
Nope
Dry January
I believe it originated from an alcohol awareness charity. I totally get the rationale. If you want reduce your intake or assess your relationship with alchol, great. Something about the way it’s become a joke about how much one drinks makes me uncomfortable. The memes, posts about not being able to get through a day or being shocked about how it feels not to wake up hungover give me a horrible ick. Oh & of course there’s the added diet culture bullshit. I don’t think it’s good for anyone to normalise that kind of reliance on alcohol. If a few days without a drink is actually a significant struggle you need help. I’m not sure that half the internet joking about it will give someone the impetus to move towards that.
Skinny Scarves
I’ve never understood the hold these had in the noughties. I don’t need to explain my objection. It’s a no. Don’t let me catch you encouraging this nonsense.
Absolutely not.
Fat Phobic Thrifting
If you are a straight sized person, please stop buying up plus sizes & altering them to fit. There are already precious few larger items available in thrift/charity shops and a shortage of affordable, size inclusive sustainable fashion. Watching slim folk who can literally buy things everywhere grabbing them all up is infuriating. You already have a feast, why must you have our crumbs too?
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It’s been a shitty couple of weeks and my patience is stretched pretty thin. Paper thin. So, when some random man started emailing pleading with me to get to know him there was no give left.
Variations of this happen all the time. To be a woman remotely online is to be seen as fair game. Wow, am I tired of it. Contrary to popular male belief the entire internet is not in fact a dating site. Men, I beseech you, please stop it. If you see an attractive woman online you don’t have to tell her. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we didn’t post that picture to lure strange men into our dms. Women do not exist to give you an opportunity to shoot your shot. We don’t want to know what you think of our bodies or what you’d like to do them. For the love of god, don’t tell us about your kinks.
Women do not owe you anything. You are not entitled to a chance, a reply or a second of our time. Listen to me, do not send that message. Don’t call us babe. Don’t type a bunch of kiss emojis and absolutely do not send a dick pic. No one wants to see any of it. What’s actually going to happen is immediate BLOCK. I mean this sincerely, take your creepy messages & fuck off.
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Last year was tough. Long covid/Pots really did a number on my already subpar health. It was hard to keep on top of even basic daily tasks. All aspects of my life suffered. In an effort to shake that not quite enough feeling I’ve raided the brain for my 2022 highlights.
I contributed to the book Rebel Bodies by Sarah Graham. It’s an incredible piece of work about the gender gap in healthcare. Sarah covers the intersections of gender, weight, age & disability whilst deconstructing the barriers women & non binary people face when trying to access appropriate medical care. I am so proud to share my story of medical weight stigma and be part of this book.
In April we took my Mum on a birthday trip to Salzburg. She had a big birthday at the end of 2021 & we wanted to do something special. Mum loves The Sound of Music & has always talked about going to Salzburg. This year, she finally got there and it was magical. We stayed at Schloss Leopoldskron, where the movie was filmed, took a private Sound of Music tour and had a generally amazing time. Salzburg is incredibly beautiful and taking Mum on her dream holiday was wonderful.
At the very beginning of ‘22 I was a guest on the Anti Diet Club podcast. The pod creators Gillian Wilson and Tamsin Broster are dedicated to helping others divest from diet culture. I love the work they do and was honoured that they considered my voice worth hearing. It is such a pleasure to connect with others who are committed to fighting fat phobia.
This summer I got to revive a love from my youth. I thought festivals were a thing of the past for me, but thank to TRNSMT’s comprehensive accessibility accommodations I was back in the game. Watching bands, whilst sipping cider in the sun with my bestie & sister made me feel 22 again. Screaming along with The Strokes as the the sun went down was such a highlight.
This one might seem small, but felt significant to me. The Guardian journalist Martin Belam recommended me in his Friday Reads. Having a writer I respect enjoy my work enough to share it felt good. Especially in a year when my health has interfered with my creative output.
Last, but never least is of course being an Auntie. It is my biggest joy. I am so excited to watch all of my niblings grow. Last year they continued to surprise & impress. I am endlessly grateful to be part of their lives.
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Yup, you guessed it, it’s my obligatory ‘you’re body is ok’ post. With diet ads hounding every platform & the industry hacks espousing all the usual lies & misinformation. Just in case you don’t hear it anywhere else, I want to say it loud and clear; YOU DO NOT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT.
You don’t have to work off any festive indulgence. Your liver & kidneys do all the detoxing your body requires. You can move your body in ways that you enjoy with no reference to size reduction. You don’t need an app, course or gym bro to monitor what you eat or how you live. You are wonderful and capable. Your body is incredible.
If the yearly onslaught is inducing a wobble or you are new to body acceptance here are a few basic, but effective tips.
STOP
Stop consuming anything that makes you feel bad. No, I do not mean food. You eat whatever your body needs. What you must cut is magazines, social media, films etc that give you the idea that you’re not enough. A little trickier, but important is to include people in this step. Create boundaries around weight loss/body critical talk. Enforce them. I cannot articulate how big a difference this made to my self esteem. When you are constantly bombarded with the message that there is something wrong with your size, it sinks in.
SWAP
Replace all that negative chatter with joyful body positive content. Fill your feeds with happy fat people living their lives to the max. Educate yourself on fat politics. Learning how wrong the things we’re taught about fat bodies is a revelation. As is witnessing people with bodies like yours succeeding.
DISCOVER
Explore your body. Look at yourself. Discover how you look in different clothes, in your undies, naked. Let yourself see what you like. Question what bothers you about the parts that you don’t. Practise being kind to yourself. Appreciate the magic of all that your body allows you to do. Touch yourself. Get comfortable with your softness. You will be amazed at how many aspects of your body you already already value.
Of course unlearning a lifetime of conditioning will take time & work, but these are tried & tested first steps. You are more than enough. Go forth & love yourself.
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Christmas is a funny old time. We’re all feeling sentimental and emotions are heightened. I struggled a little this year, but still had a beautiful Christmas Day.
I got all dressed up for Christmas with family & friends. We had lots of food, presents & excited children. I feel loved & grateful for having such wonderful people in my life. Especially that I am blessed with so many niblings to adore. I’m equally thankful that I can spend the post festivity stretch ensconced in jammies & cosy socks.
I know this time of year can be hard for a multitude of reasons. Xmas is all about children and I find myself dwelling on how different my life could be. There are so many reminders of what I have lost. If these past weeks have been arduous, I hope you were able to have as merry a time as possible. If merry is a stretch, then I wish you peace & a better new year.
One of my nephew’s made his debut in The Nativity last week. It was a good excuse to put something pretty on. There’s been a lot of feeling rotten & looking worse. It was time turn it up.
Christmas time always mean velvet to me. Obviously, singing children called for double velvet. Throw a little leopard print in the mix and you have the ultimate festive auntie outfit.
Trousers – Elvi Blazer – Monsoon
Blur primer & concealer worked miracles on my face. It has sustained a few bashes amidst my fainting escapades. Big glasses & lashes of mascara saved the day.
Glasses – Where Light
The nativity was amazing. My nephew’s Joseph was superb & I was a very proud auntie. We rounded off the occasion with a some Xmas operation & classic Disney cartoons. Good day!
Christmas is a time for giving. However, given the current economic state it’s understandable that more people than ever are unable to be as charitable as they’d like. Thus, I thought I’d offer some easy (& free) ways to help
Give Your Best is a tech for good enterprise that allows people to donate quality clothes. Clothes are shown on their website and can be shopped by those in need. The organisation supports people in the UK who are seeking asylum, refuge, have been victims of trafficking, destitute with no recourse to public funds or have precarious immigration status. The platform accepts donation of clothes, shoes & accessories and allows people to pick the items they want at no charge. It’s a simple system that engenders choice. If you have items that would be of use to someone please sign up in the website.
Smalls for All accepts donations of new pants and new or gently used underwear. They work with various organisations who disturb the items throughout the UK & Africa. Pants can be picked up so cheaply & if you’re anything like me you will have bras that you wore once and found it didn’t fit properly or didn’t give you the shape you wanted. Small for All facilitates getting those garments to people who need them.
Many charities can raise funds by recycling used stamps. All you have to do is cut them from the envelopes they arrive in and send to any of the following organisations.
Finally is you are able giving blood is an amazing way to help others. As a recipient I am eternally grateful to the people who donated the blood I needed. Uk blood stocks have been alarmingly low this year. Although they are now recovering, blood donors are always needed. You can find out if your are eligible & how to donate here.
Last Thursday our teachers were on strike (solidarity!), so the little ones had a bonus day off. We decided to make the most of it with a wee woodlands adventure.
Unfortunately the Scottish weather did not play ball. The outdoor portion of day was cut short due to a downpour. The little ones were undaunted & Auntie ly discovered she is cute in the rain. Win, win.
Glasses – Where Light
I opted for layers to combat the changeable weather. Starting with my incredible leopard dungarees, adding anything cosy & topping it all off with a waterproof. I think I achieved the correct balance between practical & crazy auntie.
Dungarees – Asos Curve Anorak – M&S
We rounded up the day watching the choppy sea from the cosy car & it was perfect.
Helensburgh
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Something in the way she moves... 
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