project post it

A week in the life…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

Last week was hectic. I packed in way more than was sensible. So, of course I’m entirely out of spoons now. It was worth it, though. I had some productive meetings and lovely time with people I care about.

First there was the little matter of tests and seeing some consultants. Unfortunately this involved pretty much an entire day in hospital, mostly waiting. Listen, I am very grateful for our NHS, I doubt I’d still be here without it. However, watching the impact of Tory cuts over the last decade is deeply frightening. Sickness, ageing accidents will touch all of our lives. We need a functioning NHS, it is a miraculous institution. Please keep that in mind when you are casting your votes.

T-Shirt – Primark Cardigan – Curve Soul Mask – Topple & Burn

Tuesday involved meetings about an exciting opportunity, which I feel good about. I long ago abandoned cosplaying as a suit. I feel fake & uncomfortable in that get up. I don’t present my best self that way. Thus, I turn up as me and I find that gets the best results.

Skirt – Gift

The following day was all Bronan. We went for his bloods & then a had bit of a wild goose chase for his insulin. Fridge malfunctions caused some problems, but we got there in the end. Bronan was very grumpy about his extended time in his carrier, but once home he got thoroughly pampered.

By Thursday it was time for a reward. I put on a pretty dress and had a catch up with my very favourite man. We went to Brutti Compadres. I love it there because the have the best tapas and Rosè sangria. Plus amazing lighting that makes it feel like you’re bathed in sun. It was so nice to forget about the miserable Scottish winter. Even nicer to bask in the company of someone delightful.

Dress – Forever 21 Shrug – H&M Tights – Snag

I finished the week in the best way possible; surrounded by niblings. I spent the day playing with Batman and baby bunnies, looking up cheeky animals on my phone and finding out about the latest happenings at school. I also had a good gab with their Mamma. Friday done right.

Trousers – Glamour @ Asos Cardigan – Handmade

If you like what I do you can support me here or on Patreon.

My week in pictures…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

It’s been a busy week. I have had all the Auntie time and I love it. I spent fun time with all of my niblings. My oldest niece is on the other side of the world, so we had FaceTime. The others ran me ragged with carry on.

I combined two of my favourite things by taking the littles book shopping. They all found stories to their pleasing and gave me quite the round around (literally in some cases). I wore an old favourite all week. It’s so easy wear, I feel great in it and I really don’t care if you object to me wearing it four days in a row.

ly is standing in her living room with a hand on her hip. She is wearing a leopard print jumpsuit with open denim shirt.
Jumpsuit – Simply Be

On the subject of books, this week I have two on the go. I usually whizz through books, but I have been extra exhausted and finding myself conking out after one chapter. Thus, I haven’t finished either yet. How To Kill Your Family by Bella Mackie is a cool concept. I am enjoying it, but there aspects of the writing style that irk me a little. Overall, I would still recommend it. My other current read is Rebel Bodies by Sarah Graham. I am crazy excited about this and not just because I feature in it. It is an amazing examination of the gender gap in healthcare. Obviously an area of interest for me, but also a topic that is hugely important for all.

The kids have kept me busy, but I managed a little #projectpostit. If I’m I’m not getting much writing done I can at least spread a smidge of inspiration. Of course there is always time for dancing in my pants.

If you enjoy my work you can support me here or on Patreon.

Why am I like this?

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

If you are a regular reader you will know that I have been going through a process of diagnosis related to Long Covid complications. I had hoped that I would have definitive answers by now, but alas, my body is being a dick.

When last we spoke I was awaiting tests to confirm or rule out POTS. Well, after it seemed unsafe to continue with the first part of that test, the second was scrapped. Now I have more waiting to do. The consultant will decide our next move. I’m really disappointed as I had thought we were close to diagnosis. I know the idea of hoping for positive tests might sound strange to most, but the sooner my condition is labelled, the sooner it can be treated. Being chronically involves so much limbo. Waiting to see drs, waiting for tests, waiting for treatment, waiting to see if you respond. Having someone say this is definitely the problem and here is the plan, is a huge relief.

White women wearing large glasses and a mask is looking at camera
Worn out after test fails.

In the meantime my spoonie adventures continue. Lots of pain, fatigue and dizziness are the norm. Fainting at the drop of a hat and constantly fighting to catch my breath have further restricted my activities. I spend way too much time at hospital appointments, and too little doing what I love. I’m struggling, but trying to remain even a little upbeat. On we go.

Long hospital corridor

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My week (ish) in pictures…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

It looks like we’re all going to be spending a lot of time at home over the next few weeks, so I’m glad I managed to do some interesting things whilst I could. I’m less pleased that I also did some really silly things.

I kicked off last week with a gas leak and the discovery that loads of my pipes needed to be replaced. That necessitated the gas bring turned off until the week was completed. The current weather is not ideal for cold showers, so it was shivery week. Tuesday adventures were exactly what I needed to perk me up. The addition of my bestie & niece made for even more rascalling. Two wee monkeys had a ball at soft play. The boy also obtained a new puzzle because auntie ly can’t help herself. Jigsaws are his new favourite thing and he is obsessed.

Toddlers on big blue slide

2yr old doing a jigsaw on the floor

Tuesday also saw me falling in love with the cutest jumpsuit that ever was. I originally spotted spotted this Asos beauty on a plus size legend’s insta. I loved it, but immediately thought, I can’t wear that. I couldn’t identify why I felt that way or what part of me I thought wasn’t good enough. Thus I decided to challenge the negative thought and order it anyway. I’m chuffed that I did. The minute I put it on I felt adorable. Once again proving that body positivity is an ongoing process. Every day is a body liberation school day.

Plus size woman in blue and white polka dot jumpsuit

Wednesday progressed with some cute nail art, a little project post it and a mid week movie. I was delighted to be seeing a grown up film; it’s been all cartoons of late. My sister and I had a giggle watching the largest bad boys offering. It gets a bit cheesy, but is still a lot of fun. If you loved the first two, you probably won’t regret giving this a watch.

Leopard print nail art

Project post it

The tail end of the week was mostly taken up trying to secure a plumber to do my repairs & attempting to plough through my unread emails. In breaks from the tedium I made the mistake of giving Bronan some fishy cat soup. His fondness of this delicacy led to him weaving between my legs every time I entered kitchen. Ultimately, tripping me and really hurting my good knee.

Playful black and white cat

This is were I got foolish. I didn’t think a simple fall would cause any damage. So I kept on walking on the sore knee. I had cosy morning with the boy doing puzzles, reading stories & messing with insta filters. I also finally got all the work done on my pipes & enjoyed a steaming hot bath.

On Wednesday I was off to Edinburgh to be a guest on a podcast for the first time ever. I was both excited and scared to talk all things Bopo with the amazing Danni from The Chachi Power Project. We ended up having a really great natter, which will hopefully make an enjoyable episode. I stayed over as I was operating with two dodgy knees instead of my usual one. Of course I took advantage of the hotel stay to snap some pics of lounging ly.

By Thursday my knee had become an enormous puffy mess. I headed straight to the hospital when I got off the train. There I discovered how daft I had been to think I should just push through the pain. I had dislocated my knee in the fall. At some point it had worked itself halfway back into place. It had to be returned all the way to its correct position. I also did a little damage by walking on it, but it should heal if I rest & elevate. The X-Ray had another surprise for me, but I’ll fill you in on that later. For now, it’s feet up.

I hope you are all coping ok in the midst of the covid panic. I’m washing my hands 500 hundred times a day and doing my best to avoid unnecessary outings. Please take care of yourselves.

My week (ish) in pictures…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves

It’s been a bit up and down of late. Thankfully the highs are good enough to get me through the dips. Plus Xmas is close & I’m definitely beginning to feel merrier. So, let’s have a we round up of goings on before I get swept up in all the festivities.

Last week I had some Xmassy cocktails with my favourite man. I took a trip to the very rainy seaside to do some giggling with my lovely Lisa & her equally lovely boy. I checked Edinburgh’s pretty lights on the way home. Of course I spread a little #projectpostit wisdom as I went.

I did a whole bunch of rascalling with my middle nephew; including cinema trips & fun in GoMA studio. Hung out with all three boys together & did some excellent FaceTiming with my big muffin. We got started on all things Santa & I even wrapped the first of the presents.

This week involved another Edinburgh visit for an exciting meeting. Followed by a lost bank card, lots of stress & some big glasses of wine with my favourite man to save the day. It was a perfect winter day; freezing cold, but crisp & dry. The light was dreamy.

Back home I lost a battle with some frost & my driveway. Snuggled with my puss cat & put the tree up.

I had a little sister time. Got seasonal with my nail art & snapped all sorts of things that took my fancy.

Make it easy on yourself…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 6 Comments

2019 has barely gotten going & it’s been rough already. In a matter of weeks I have lost my baby & my boyfriend, which is less than an auspicious beginning. If I sound flippant, I’m not, I’m just trying very hard to put one foot in front of the other.

The demise of my pregnancy is devastating. My relationship’s end is sad, but the right decision and that’s about all I have to say on the topic. I find myself approaching the year (and my life) alone again. Being single hasn’t ever worried me all that much. I’m definitely not scared to be that kind of alone. Childlessness on the other hand, terrifies me. What do you when you’re facing your biggest fear? I haven’t a fucking a clue.

#projectpostit

For the time being I have taken the clichéd approach of one day at a time. I’m trying not to spend every day at home in my jammies (there is however a lot of crying on the sofa). Functioning is a struggle for a multitude of reasons. Primarily, I am exhausted. I’m always tired. Add even less sleep, the effort it takes to contain my anger at life itself, the fact that I will not stop bleeding, so despite the blood transfusion my haemoglobin level continues to flag and you get extreme fatigue. Having a different emotion every 5 seconds is tiring. Battling (& often failing) to contain the tears is wearing. Breathing & washing & conversing & not screaming is all taking gargantuan effort. The truth is I’m not managing very much. I’m practising being ok with that.

Blood transfusion, Rose wine, snuggling cat, reading baby

I recommend spending time with people who don’t expect too much of you. I’m giving priority to anything that give me comfort; my little people & potatoes pretty much have that covered. Hot baths have featured heavily as has ‘fake it ’til you make it’ make up. There was one afternoon of day drinking with a lovely friend that actually helped a lot, but not something it would be wise to make a habit of. My purring cat is a godsend. I’m reading, sleeping whenever I can and endeavouring to be gentle with myself.

ly h Kerr

I have no clue how to tackle the overwhelming sense of guilt. Chipping away at how ‘not fair’ this is may well take the rest of my life. I’m focusing on the small stuff. Giving myself a pass on the growing mountain of washing, the ideas that go unpitched and being awfully rude to the person who called about my non-existent road traffic accident. I find it harder than you’d imagine to let that stuff go. Being hard on myself comes easy. i have learned that when life gets you on the ground it’s worth tackling the instinct to kick oneself whilst already down.

Sunset

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The tartan around her did flow…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 2 Comments

I’m Scottish so in my mind tartan is great & goes with everything. I will not be dissuaded from this thought process. Which, is exactly why I bought these boots & I will not apologise for them.

I spent Saturday with my sister & the cutest little monkey there ever was. It was a wet dreary day, so I went for cosy with splashes of random colour. As I said, tartan goes with everything so why waste time trying to actually match.

ly h Kerr

Tartan boots

Skirt – Primark

Shirt – Simply Be

Hat – Primark

Boots – Primark

Despite the rain & hat combo turning my hair into a hedge, we had a really good day. A spot of lunch, snoop around the hidden lane and then we checked out the refurb at my local library. It has been transformed from 60’s dinge to retro cool (that staircase didn’t look so awesome when I was 14) and the kid’s section is fantastic. Our wee monkey enjoyed a bit of story time & a lot of exploring. Whilst his Mama & I secreted little messages amongst the books.

Cardinals library Story time #projectpostit

The only thing better than tartan is libraries, so I win at Saturday.

This week I have been mostly…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 2 Comments

Trying (& failing) to get some sleep. I’m really fecking tired. Once I’ve done all the yoga, watched all the relaxing tv, had baths with bombs, face masked myself into oblivion, finished the housework & whatever book I’m reading & sprayed every calming scent known to man there is just one thing left to do. Lie still in a dark room & turn up the music.

I require only a couple of things from my insomnia tunes; they must be deep enough to flood the room & gentle enough to let me float away. Wonderful by Lianne La Havas complies. Her thick sweet voice coats me in wistfulness. I feel this song’s warmth in my chest. Its steady pace a comforting secondary pulse. The lyrics tempting & bittersweet. This is perfect middle of the night music.

Every now & then I stumble across music from my past and it opens a door to another time. David Gray’s White Ladder is just a such a time capsule. The intro of Please Forgive Me was enough to shoot me back to the year 2000. Despite that being a fairly mixed year for me this song holds only uncomplicated feels. It has connected itself to chilled after parties; the smell of dope & DKNY. To falling asleep in beds shared with a bunch of friends & waking up to 5 girls talking at once. It feels less like lightening & more like friendship running through my veins. I know it’s a love song, but for me it’s an ode to student flats & almost adulthood.

A Star is Born almost killed me. Seriously, I weeped myself raw, but Shallow saved me. Man, it is hard keeping it hardcore. I’m so relieved to have found softer ways. This is one of those songs that rouses every bloody emotion. I seems like I’ve been far from the shallows for a very long time. It feels good to sing it out loud.

Which brings me to my brand new discovery, Yoko Pwno. I heard them play at the last Yellow Sunday & was utterly captivated. A unique & totally bewitching band; they are comprised of violins, drums & techno synth type sounds. They’re hard to quantity, but oh so easy to fall in love with. Currently blasting in my late late playlist is It could always be worse. Mainly because when played at volume it washes over me & allows my mind to drift. Also, though, because that title’s a good reminder not to despair when I find myself still awake a 5am. It can always be worse, but it’s likely to feel better if you stick Yoko Pwno on.

My week(ish) in pictures…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 2 Comments

I know it’s boring to talk about the weather, but can you believe what’s going on outside? We’ve had almost 6 weeks of solid sun & it’s still showing up everyday! Needless to say I’ve been trying to make the most of it.

The Toyboy surprised me with a wee spa break last week. As you can imagine I was delighted. Fancy hotel, lovely treatments & yummy cocktails. Oh & of course it wouldn’t be a hotel stay without some sexy lingerie. Hotel sex is the best, right?

ly h Kerr, stockings & cocktails

I can’t really handle too much heat, so indoor fun is essential if I want to avoid fainting. Yellow Movement Saturday at The Clutha was perfect as it is technically in doors, but the glass ceiling & tree in the middle of pub give an outdoor feel. The music was good, company even better. My particular favourite was Fnuf. If electronic reggae with a french hippie vibe sounds appealing you should check him out.

Project Post it at The Clutha

This weekend we took a trip out to Musselburgh to see some lovely friends & enjoy the sun. Lisa gives the best cuddles in the world, little James was cute as ever & Gordon revealed his wicked side during a game of Cards Against Humanity. Bar a bit of sunburn (I missed a bit with the sunblock) fun was had by all.

There has also been a dinosaur filled midweek movie, bubbles on the mound, project post it & lots of nail art.

I went swimming with my sis & bestie plus their adorable babies. Purchased the most incredible blue lilies & we did a spot of babysitting.

ly h Kerr, blue lilies ly h Kerr

My cat remains the cutest, I continue to snap random pictures, Oh & I had a really porny pudding.

ly h Kerr, porny pudly h Kerr, Project Post it

I hope you’re enjoying the summer as much as I am. Don’t forget your sunscreen.

Why don’t you mind your own business?

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 8 Comments

I had an interesting twitter conversation this week. Some people wanted to know how I deal with strangers asking questions about my scars. Unfortunately this is a thing that happens & one of the reasons many people feel they must conceal their scars. Fortunately it is not an everyday occurrence & you can learn to handle it. I wanted to quickly share some tips that I hope will help you do just that.

First of all I feel it’s essential that you realise that no one has the right to ask you these questions. It is rude & intrusive. You do not owe these people answers, you don’t even owe them a polite response.

I totally understand that depending on a variety of factors unexpected questions about your scars can strike different chords. Sometimes I feel enraged, other days I panic & sometimes I’m just over it. Thus, my responses can differ. That’s ok. You are entitled to feel however you feel. You are not obligated to be nice or to hide those emotions from ill mannered strangers.

I tend to have ready made responses for the most common comments. They range from just shutting someone down to embarrassing them the way they tried to embarrass me. (Note : most people who ask already know what your scars are. They know their questions are akward & unkind).

Let’s get to it. I’m going to give my to go to answer to my most often asked questions.

Q/ What happened to your arms/legs/body part?

A/ What happened to your manners?

A/ Shark attack.

A/ Me.

A/ Exactly what you think.

Q/ Why did you do that?

A/ Why do you think it’s your business?

A/ Why are you a nosey bitch?

Q/ Why don’t you cover those up?

A/ Why don’t you mind your own business?

A/ Why don’t you cover up your horrible personality?

A/ Why don’t you fuck off?

All of these responses are blunt & let nosey people know you are not all impressed with their questions. I refuse to pander to other people’s rudeness, but I know there are times when you don’t feel confident or just want to avoid a possible confrontation. I find the perfect answer in those instances is ‘it’s a long story’. It’s vague, but it is also obvious that you have no interest in pursuing the topic.

Whatever you say the important thing to remember is that you don’t need to reveal details to anyone unless you want to. It’s not your responsibility to make strangers feel comfortable. It’s certainly not your job to safeguard the feelings of people who don’t care about hurting yours. Shut them down & live your life.

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