I had an interesting twitter conversation this week. Some people wanted to know how I deal with strangers asking questions about my scars. Unfortunately this is a thing that happens & one the reasons many people feel they must conceal their scars. Fortunately it is not an everyday occurrence & you can learn to handle it. I wanted to quickly share some tips that I hope will help you do just that.
First of all I feel it’s essential that you realise that no one has the right to ask you these questions. It is rude & intrusive. You do not owe these people answers, you don’t even owe them a polite response.
I totally understand that depending on a variety of factors unexpected questions about your scars can strike different chords. Sometimes I feel enraged, other days I panic & sometimes I’m just over it. Thus, my responses can differ. That’s ok. You are entitled to feel however you feel. You are not obligated to be nice or to hide those emotions from ill mannered strangers.
I tend to have ready made responses for the most common comments. They range from just shutting someone down to embarrassing them the way they tried to embarrass me. (Note : most people who ask already know what your scars are. They know their questions are akward & unkind).
So, let’s get to it. I’m going to give my to go to answer to my most often asked questions.
Q/ What happened to your arms/legs/body part?
A/ What happened to your manners?
A/ Shark attack.
A/ Exactly what you think.
Q/ Why did you do that?
A/ Why do you think it’s your business?
A/ Why are you a nosey bitch?
Q/ Why don’t you cover those up?
A/ Why don’t you mind your own business?
A/ Why don’t you cover up your horrible personality?
A/ Why don’t you fuck off?
All of these responses are blunt & let nosey people know you are not all impressed with their questions. I refuse to pander to other people’s rudeness, but I know there are times when you don’t feel confident or just want to avoid a possible confrontation. I find the perfect answer in those instances is ‘it’s a long story’. It’s vague, but it is also obvious that you have no interest in pursuing the topic.
Whatever you say the important thing to remember is that you don’t need to reveal details to anyone unless you want to. It’s not your responsibility to make strangers feel comfortable & it’s certainly not your job to safeguard the feelings of people who don’t care about hurting yours. Shut them down & live your life.
8 thoughts on “Why don’t you mind your own business?”
I love this post!
I think sometimes people ask because they don’t understand why someone would do it, if you’ve never been in the position yourself it’s hard to get why, I guess. Rude yes but maybe not always ill intended?
Adults know that it is not ok to ask strangers intrusive questions. I don’t think there is any excuse for such rudeness. If a person wants to learn they can google.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that and I’ve been in the firing line a few times with peoples inappropriate questions (I’m someone who covers up usually). But I’ve been asked by people who are wondering what my reasons were, and I know they’re not people who are trying to be nasty about it at all. They generally just don’t understand it, they’ve maybe heard of people doing it but they can’t process it I think. I dunno.
I just don’t think a stranger’s curiosity is a good enough to ruin my day. Whether they’re trying to be nasty or not, it’s not their business. If they are genuinely interested in trying to understand they can do so without hurting/embarrassing people. It’s a question if basic manners.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Shark attack! love it. What’s your 2nd picture of?
and follow-up question, what would you say to a child asking you?
I just tell kids I had an accident. They accept that. Kids I’ve know since birth don’t ask. Sometimes they’ll comment on them being bumpy or similar, but hey just accept that’s how I am. Children don’t judge like adults. I don’t mind children asking, I think it’s good for them to know that people look different & that is ok.
It’s a big nosey nose.
thanks. i want to teach olive to just ask if she doesn’t understand something. like yesterday she asked me if a little kid in the locker room at swim class was a girl or a boy, and i said, why don’t you ask them? sometimes you can’t tell, boys and girls come in all sorts of ways. so she did. and i’m hoping it didn’t offend the little girl. but i don’t want olive to assume. so kind of the same thing. if she saw someone with a scar or a deformity and asked me about it i guess i would want to say, “I don’t know, honey, but we can ask that person if they’d be ok with talking about it.”
Most people won’t mind a child questions, but just be mindful that people don’t always want to have to explain themselves.
Comments are closed.