The mirror has two faces…

Yesterday I performed a fairly miraculous transformation. I was so impressed with myself that I felt the need to share my handy work. 

I posted the above on Facebook with the caption, left to right & out the door in 40 mins. All of which is true, but there’s so much more I didn’t say. 

What I didn’t mention was how I felt. My head was wobbly yesterday. I am titrating Pregabalin slowly up to recommended dose. This is an issue because every time I up the doseage the side effects come back. Hence, my brain was not that sharp. Along with that my anxiety was troubling me. The thought of going out alone was frightening. I was of course sore; my back & feet are a constant source of pain at the moment. So, basically what I’m saying is the first picture is an accurate representation of how I felt as well as how I looked. 

I worried and procastinated for so long that I only had 40 mins to get ready. I forced myself out the door with the aid of diazepam, earphones & big sunglasses. I still felt exposed. I dreaded anyone talking to me or even getting standing too close. I got lucky with an almost entirely empty bus, but my heart was still pounding as loud as the music in my ears for the entire journey. At every stop I had to force myself not to get off & go home. Every bump in road sent a shudder of pain up my back. I persisted because I’d really like to have a real life. 


I met a dear friend who I feel completely safe with. We had a drinks & I managed to relax to level where I could enjoy myself. The weather was lovely, the company excellent & I passed for an attractive human being. 

I’m smiling in this picture because I was having a lovely time. I was still in pain. I’m always in pain. I say that not for pity, but as a fact. For my one evening’s entertainment I’ll probably require two days of rest. Today I am suffering. 


My point is that invisible illnesses are often attacked as not genuine & the weapon used can be anything sufferers manage to do. 

You can’t be that ill if you can work.

You can’t be so ill if you can go out.

You can’t be in pain if you excerise.

You can’t be depressed if you can put make up on.

And on & on & on.

I’m offering myself as an example. Some days are good, but I never feel ‘normal’. There is always pain & anxiety. There are nightmares & flashbacks & urges to butcher my flesh. There are days when I can’t get out of bed & nights of no sleep at all. It’s shit to have to push & push to accomplish everything. We (spoonies) have no alternative, if we want to build a fulfilling life, we have to fight. Wether we’re fighting to wash some dishes or to have some fun with friends we don’t need judgmental bullshit to add to our burden. 
Your reward for reading me venting my frustrations is the cutest cat in the world.

My week (ish) in pictures…

I have been having a lazy, slouchy time of it clothes wise. As such I haven’t snapped too many outfit pics. That doesn’t mean I haven’t been galavanting. It seems a shame not to share some of the moments I’ve captured solely because I didn’t look glam that day. So, here we are, embarking on another week in pictures post. I hope you enjoy a wee nosey into my going ons.

I know a lot of folk find them tacky, but I loves me a mirror selfie. I snap one any time I feel cute or sometimes even when I look amusingly rough. Sushi & Ringo are also always wins.

  
  
I can’t recommend Jonathann Coe enough. If you are new to him I’d start with The Rotters Club & it’s follow up The Closed Circle. Once you have digested those melancholy triumphs, mosey on to this mysterious tale.

  
Drinks with Aidan, hotels with neon stags & my amazing little crazy face pulling niece are all things that bring me glee. 

   
If you haven’t tried Lush’s Intergalactic bath bomb, you need to. Not only does it turn your bath into a blue bliss, but your skin continues to sparkle for hours. Strawberry gloss at Krispy Kreme are also a big hit. 

   
Sometime’s you have to be prepared to do battle. Sabre tooth Tigers will step right out of line if you don’t show them who’s boss. 

  

The winner takes it all….

I broke out of the house for a couple of hours on Saturday night. I went to a local place for dinner with my BFF. It recently occurred to us that we’ve known each other for 30yrs, which is terrifying, but also completely lovely. 

It was good to be out & even better to put on some cute clothes. However, my stupid brain forgot to tell me to photograph them . I did manage to snap a few selfies including one that both looked pretty & included my new favourite thing.

  
Vest – Primark

Cardi – Monsoon

Brooch – Poesie & Grenadine (Etsy)

That brooch carries a superb sparkly embroidered, Thunderthighs are go. Jewellery does not get better than that.  It’s over, we have a winner. Go home non chubby loving trinkets. 

Am I right ladies?!

Ever since I saw a clip on Facebook I have been dying to see Luisa Omielan. If haven’t heard of her, she’s an hilarious feminist , body positive comedian.

My sister & I had an awesome night her show. I can not recommend enough that you go see her. Sge is exactly what I (& I’m sure many others) have been crying out for. A no holds barred, cut the bullshit take on life as a women. You will not only laugh, but leave feeling better about yourself.

  
Skirt – Forever21

T-Shirt – Monsoon

Cardi – Monsoon

To see my favourite comedian I wore my favourite skirt. I am glad velvet has made such a big come back. Rios little skater is just wonderful. I added a little bit of rrraarr with an animal print cardi, which was a gift from my very stylish Mum. 

I was very chuffed to get a selfie with the lady herself at the end of the night. Just look at my smile, that says all you need to know about the show. 
  

I have a full review of ‘ Am I right ladies?!’ in The Swag Guide.