Lifestyle

This week I have mostly been…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 5 Comments

Spoonie life can be tough. Meds only do so much, which means you have to discover your own coping strategies. 

Music is one of the things that helps me when my symptoms are unmanageable. Specifically, I like to lie in a completely dark room & play loud soothing music. I try to imagine the room flooding with the sound & let it wash over me. Obviously i am attracted to beautiful music, but for me, I’ve always needed lyrics that speak to me too. In particular I gravitate towards songs that express emotions I am wrapped up in. 

All of this leads me to introduce some new content. I hope  to regularly share with you the tunes that are easing my path. 

This last week has been dominated by women. My choices have been perhaps a little sombre, but that also have a dreamy quality. Without further ado, this week I have mostly been listening to,

I have no idea why it has taken me so long to find Laura Marling, but I am so glad I did. I heard this song, Darkness Descends, in a hospital waiting room & had to shazam it. The lyrics seemed designed for me, as though someone had climbed into my head & taken notes. This song is the musical embodiment  of autum. When I listen to this I feel like I’m wandering out in the crisp, fresh chill of a perfect September day & that’s a nice escape from reality. 

  
Next up is a bewitching offering from an old favourite. Firewood by Regina Spector sounds so gentle, but is really a rousing kick in the arse. With chronic illness there are times when life is too hard. In the midst of a flare when you feel horrendous every moment of every day, you can start think it’s just not worth it. Firewood is basically saying I know it hurts, I know it’s impossible, but you’re still breathing & you have to live. Spector manages to articulate this message without being patronising or dismissive. I love it. 

Spanish Harlem is a song I’ve been playing since childhood. It’s a tune that always made me feel bright & breezy. Rebecca Pidgeon’s version takes it to a new level. The tone of her voice & the more floaty arrangement is lush. I also like the gender switch, these words sung by a woman have a much less possessive feel.

This week’s final earwig is Lana Del Rey’s treatment of Once Upon A Dream. I first heard this when I took my niece to see Cinderella & haven’t been able to get it out of my head. The original Disney version is too sickly sweet for me, but Lana’s dark & twisty take gives me all the feels. This song perfectly fits my brief; it allows me to feel totally immersed in the music. 

  

Wildflowers….

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 5 Comments

On Sunday I embarked on a wee visit to see my Mum, which descended into a mad wild goose chase. Much frustration & losing of tempers later we rescued the day with lingerie shopping & cake. 

It goes without saying that we also found time for a little blog shoot. I was tempted out into the wind by this bed of pretty flowers. I’ve become a bit of a wild flower devotee. Not only do I love their, well, wild beauty, the are a life source for our bees. If you weren’t aware, our bees are in danger & we really need them. 90% of vegetable crops depend on bee pollination. Those fuzzy bellied little guys are very useful. So, if you have a place to do so, plant some wild flowers. 

  
Anyway, after my own little detour, I will get back on point. I threw together a couple of items that were meant to see me through the a long hot summer, but actually require leggings & cardi to be wearable. In Scotland we work with what we’ve got. 

  
I’m glad this sheer shirt works with layers as I love it. It’s nice to know I can get some wear out of it as the seasons change. 

  
Shirt – Forever21

Leggings – M&S

Vest – Primark

Cardi – H&M

 

Listen…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 5 Comments

I want to talk to you about something that isn’t often discussed. In a world where almost nothing is taboo miscarriage remains an uncomfortable topic. I know from personal experience that friends and family are often unsure how to approach such a loss. A misplaced belief that a mother’s (&her partner’s) privacy must be maintained or worry that bringing up the subject will cause distress can leave a grieving parent feeling isolated. I’d like to open up the subject, share my experience & hopefully change your thoughts on how best to support a friend who has suffered a miscarriage.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to acknowledge a person’s loss. Miscarriage feels like a death, you have lost a life that you created & have already given your heart to. Let your loved one feel that pain out in the open. Treat this grief as you would any other. Send flowers, a sympathy card, be available to listen. Acknowledge that the child who hasn’t made it into our world is real. To feel that those around you care for not only you, but your unborn child is a crucial part of the healing process.

There is no rule book for recovering from miscarriage. Some people need to throw themselves into work or a busy social schedule. Others may require time alone to process what has happened. There is no right way, listen to what your friend tells you they want & support them. Whether that is getting raucously drunk or cuddling them whilst they cry. There are so many complicated emotions attached to losing a child. I felt a crippling guilt. I know others who have felt rage & some people who accepted the loss as part of their path or an act of god. There is no correct way to feel. As irrational as these responses may seem to you, let your friend feel what they feel. Listen, reassure, but never judge. Each person knows what is appropriate for them, respect that.

Miscarriage is a life changing event. Conceiving again does not wipe out the loss. Your unborn baby can’t be replaced. For me a permanent memorial was necessary. Many people need to commemorate their baby. Be it tattoos, planting a tree or a gathering do not shy away from involvment in these acts of love. Allow you friend to carry their child with them.

Don’t assume that miscarriage is best kept secret. In the immediate aftermath & in the years that have followed, I have wanted to talk about my experiences with miscarriage. Sadly, I haven’t always felt that I was allowed to do so. My loss was treated as something that must remain private. Whilst I am sure this attitude was well meaning, it left me unable to express emotions that I felt suffocated by. If your friend, family member, colleague or even a stranger on a bus wants to talk about their miscarriage, please let them. You cannot imagine how freeing it is to let out the tumult of thoughts in your head. 

Miscarriage is not a rare occurrence. Many women will have to find their route through its consequences. This post is based on my personal experience & the consensus of the many women I have known who have had the misfortune to share that experience. Of course there will be parents who have differing views. I can’t speak for everyone. Ultimately you must trust that each indivdual knows what they need & follow their lead. However, I do hope that some what I have written has given you pause for thought. Moreover it’s my wish that my suggestions will ease this painful journey for others.

   

 

 

 

And they’ll come true, impossible not to do…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 7 Comments

I was inspired by my darling sister’s 35 before 35 post to get some goals down in black & white. However, as I’m only 3 months from the mid 30’s point I had to raise the age bar. So, here it is, the 40 things I really must get done before I enter middle age.

1 Finish my tattoo collection. I have three more designs that need to get out of my head & onto my body. 

2 Develop my stigma fighting business plan.

3 Have babies.

4 Take a ride in a hot air balloon. 

  
5 Learn to drive. Yes, I am a 34yr old woman who is terrified of driving.

6 Buy all the Irregular Choice shoes.

  
7 Rescue animals from factory farming.

8 Perform in a burlesque show. Chorus line would cool.

9 Visit Jenna in Philadelphia.

10 Master Japenese cooking. I need to know I can have yasai gyoza whenever I feel the urge.

11 Visit Tagalooma with Athena.

12 Adopt a retired greyhound.

13 Lots & lots of surface piercings.

14 Execute the cutest pregnancy announcement ever.

15 Cook Xmas dinner for my entire family.

16 Take a break in one of those beach huts on stilts in the ocean. 

  
17 Write for Skorch.

18 Mix my own perfume. 

19 Teach Billy to swim properly.

20 Get a book deal.

21 Check out those big heads on Easter Island.

22 Send the perfect family xmas cards. 

23 Make Danilo go on the big romantic xmas wheel. 

  
25 Perfect one ballroom dance & trot it out at every single occasion.

26 Take a romantic break in a Scottish castle.

27 Learn Sign language.

28 Fall utterly in love with more nieces & nephews. Get to it, siblings!

29 Get a professional portrait painted of my beautiful Bronan. 

  
30 Rock the Big Apple with my girls.

31 Find miraculous cure for all my health issues. 

32 Take my little ones to Disney World.

33 See Morrissey live.

34 Finish Athena’s books before she gets too old for them.

35 Try synchronised swimming. 

36 Finally see Much Ado About Nothing performed at Bard in the Botanics. 

37 Send random mystery flowers to folk who would appreciate them. 

  
38 Learn to code (at least well enough to snazz my blog).

39 Take my Mum to Austria to do the Sound of Music tour. 

40 Be the best Mummy ever!

Any advice or suggestions on who to achieve my goals is most welcome. Wish my luck. 

I get by with a little help from my friends…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 3 Comments

Chronic illness can be overwhelming. When every little thing is a struggle it’s hard to remain stoic. In the midst of a severe flare I really have to fight not slip into a morose frame of mind. 

When life is just too hard what keeps me going are all my wonderful people. My incredible friends & family are so supportive. I really couldn’t do it without them. I am a big believer in saying how you feel out loud, so I’m taking a moment to say thank you. Thanks for all the chats, the midnight drives to a&e, advocating for me when I am unable to do it myself, the cuddles, the laughs, the understanding; thank you for the love. 

Not only are my people the best people, they are also a bunch of lookers. Big love, darlings. 

  
   
     

Am I right ladies?!

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 4 Comments

Ever since I saw a clip on Facebook I have been dying to see Luisa Omielan. If haven’t heard of her, she’s an hilarious feminist , body positive comedian.

My sister & I had an awesome night her show. I can not recommend enough that you go see her. Sge is exactly what I (& I’m sure many others) have been crying out for. A no holds barred, cut the bullshit take on life as a women. You will not only laugh, but leave feeling better about yourself.

  
Skirt – Forever21

T-Shirt – Monsoon

Cardi – Monsoon

To see my favourite comedian I wore my favourite skirt. I am glad velvet has made such a big come back. Rios little skater is just wonderful. I added a little bit of rrraarr with an animal print cardi, which was a gift from my very stylish Mum. 

I was very chuffed to get a selfie with the lady herself at the end of the night. Just look at my smile, that says all you need to know about the show. 
  

I have a full review of ‘ Am I right ladies?!’ in The Swag Guide.

Sending out flares…..

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 2 Comments

I’m in the midst of quite a bad flare. Please excuse my scarce blogging. New posts coming soon. In the mean time you can enjoy my writing over at The Swag Guide.

I’ll leave you with some pics of some of the family pets. I love these wee faces, I defy you not to. 

  
My sister’s boy Seb giving me a soulful look. 

 My brother’s boy ringo having a wee snooze.

  
And my darling boy refusing to get out of bed. 
 

Swallow it down….

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 5 Comments

I’m struggling to believe that Jagged Little Pill is twenty years old this month. How can two decades possibly have passed since Alanis first got angry? More importantly how the hell did I get so old?

  

Jagged little pill has always been special for me. From teenage not quite angst to bonified adult pain, Alanis has had my back. So, I thought I’d pay tribute to an epic album & the journey we’ve been on together. 

Let me take you back to the start.  I’m 14yrs old & life is good. I have lovely friends, great home life, I do well at school. There is no teenage misery for me. There is however, frustration; a sense of being on the brink of life. I’m beginning to build a picture of what I want from life. I’m challenging some the things I’ve been taught & I don’t feel like my life view is taken seriously. In amongst all the vexation is an excitement. Possibilities are starting to fizz, I am aware of the power of youth & I can’t wait to weild it. I see right through you encapsulated all that I was feeling & I took every opportunity to sing it at the top of my lungs. 

Fast forward a few years and I’ve finally extricated myself from an unhealthy relationship. I’m heartbroken & angry. Angry that someone has been so cruel & furious with myself for allowing it. It’s Alanis to the rescue, I am certain I’m not the only woman who played You oughta know at full blast, cried her eyes out & felt a little better. 

I had some dark days in my twenties. Dealing with the trauma of miscarriage & resultant depression whilst trying to hold my life together took it’s toll. I became really ill & eventually had to ask for help. The lyrics to Mary Jane really touched a nerve back then. The realisation that I had to admit I wasn’t ok was a hard one, but there was some relief in listening to words I could relate to. It’s amazing how powerful just not feeling alone in your predictament can be. 

Anyone who has experienced difficult periods will tell you that it makes you really appreciate good times. When you’re fighting through bleak lows of severe depression the first glimpses of being ok are beautiful. The relief of finding that right now in this minute you are content makes you want to sing & dance. Hand in my pocket is the perfect tune to accompany this feeling. It’s not about joy or any of the big feelings. It just perfectly sums up the sensation of knowing you can make it. It feels good to believe that  ‘everything’s gonna be fine fine fine’.

A big part of maintaining happiness is knowing when to put yourself first. I have not always been great at this. Knowing when to say no was a hard lesson to learn, but such a valuable one. Walking away from toxic, all take & no give relationships was like shedding dead weight. Suddenly Not the Dr made so much sense. Reaching the conclusion that I was not responsible for other people’s happiness freed me to enjoy the peope who mattered. Sometimes you have to let go. 

You learn is bitter sweet. It signifies getting to a place in my life where I  I’d learned from all my trials. It’s nice to feel in control. In an unfortunate twist of fate mastering one set of problems coincided with the onset of others. This song also represents my chronic illness. The notion of a jagged little pill brings to mind both the handfuls of meds I must take & the metaphorical swallowing of hard to digest facts. 

After all that serious stuff this post needs a little love. Head over feet celebrates that moment when you know for sure that you’ve picked a good one. There is something wonderful about the kind of love that comes without a fuss. Head over feet is all about the bliss that comes with being with someone who treats you right. 

There you have it. Jagged little pill has been my musical friend for many years. There aren’t many thing in life that you love as much at 34 as you did at 13 & this is one. Every time I hear this album I still get all the feels & for me that’s the mark of a classic. 

She’s electric….

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 3 Comments

My beautiful niece was visiting from Australia recently and her curious little mind needed stimulation. Athena is an incredibly energetic and intelligent 5yr old, she is always full of questions and keen to learn; The Glasgow Science Centre seemed like the perfect place to let her loose. The entire family was keen to spend plenty of time with our little Goddess, so our party ended up including myself, my sister & our dad. The prices initially looked a little steep, but when concessions were figured in it became much more reasonable. We decided to pay a little extra for a planetarium show, which was an excellent choice.

  

We arrived at 1.30pm and made our way to the first floor of the science mall, which introduces basic science concepts in a fun way. There are maths puzzles (some of which the adults couldn’t work out), tests of reaction speed, hissing cockroaches, optical illusions & even an opportunity to captain a ship. The exhibits work so well as they are all completely interactive. It’s a parents dream; kids are tackling & understanding a dearth of new ideas whilst having a ball. Athena particularly loved the fact that we could all join in. To be fair, we grownups enjoyed that too.

Next up was the planetarium show, which was a real treat. The night sky lit up above you is stunning. The show is fantastic, another enjoyable learning experience for the little ones. They are encouraged to call out & participate. Amongst all the hilarity we discovered constellations, how to find the North Star & how colour indicates the temperature of stars. My girl was delighted with the experience.

The 2nd floor of the science mall is aimed an older age group. It focuses on the world of work & includes lots clever tasks that allow a young person to identify talents, interests and what careers they might enjoy. As most of this was above Athena’s age level we moved on to the top floor where we discovered body works. These exhibits work really well for a range of ages. Older kids would gain a deeper understanding of things such heart surgery, how internal organs work & the amazing things our bodies are capable of. However, the same exhibits work equally well for younger minds. The human hamster wheel and machine that allows you to see the veins in your body were particular favourites. There is also an opportunity to test your heart rate at rest & during exertion, plus a chance to impersonate your heart and pump some blood. The displays relating to the dangers of smoking and alcohol are incredibly effective. Being able to operate both healthy & damaged lungs gives children a real insight into what cigarettes do to lung function. There is also an exhibit that allows you see what smoking and drinking will do to your face over time. All of which leave more of an impression than simply being told these habits are bad for you. 

  

Body works is also home to a number of detailed models of the body. You can perform a virtual autopsy and take apart all the piece of the brain. Athena was a little freaked out by these items, but enjoyed the gross out factor when I pretended to eat brains. All three generations got involved in measuring our height, our ability to balance, sprint and hand strength. I was a little disturbed to discover my 5yr old niece’s grip was much stronger than mine. We rounded off our day by playing with a giant pin mould, which proved a big hit with everyone.

  

In conclusion, the science centre is excellent. We didn’t leave until closing time (5pm) & could have happily stayed much longer. The tickets may be a little more than some other attractions, but you really do get your monies worth. We saw children of all ages, teens and even some adults visiting alone. There truly is something for everyone. If you want your child to learn whilst they play, the science centre is the place for you. In one afternoon Athena gained so much. In the following days she asked an abundance of questions as her mind processed all the new information. Little minds are sponges and it is really rewarding to watch them soak up knowledge. All in all the science centre gets an A++. I’ll even let you in on a wee secret; I think Grampa may have had even more fun than his granddaughter.

  

Everybody walk the dinosaur…

~ somethinginthewayshemoves ~ 4 Comments

My photographer & I both had rough weeks. By Friday we were more than ready for a pick me up. The sun lured us outside for a cocktail & the prospect of dinosaurs coaxed us back in. 

  

A hot day calls for something floaty & this shirt dress was just the thing. Paired with a lace effect dress I felt chic, not to mention comfortable. 

Leaving the cinema to balmy summer’s night tempted us into a little blog shoot. I love photos taken in the last gasps of day light. That soft glow works for me. 

 

  
  
Dress – H&M

Shirt Dress – Forever21

Shrug – Monsoon

Sandals – schuh

Bracelet – Made for me by my niece

The dinosaurs were marvellous. As with the others in the franchise Jurassic World seems to be very much on the side of giant lizards. I’m all for a summer blockbuster that’s telling humans to stop fucking with nature. 

Last, but not least, a few snaps of my city basking in the summer sun. 

   
  

 

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