Cold water surrounds me now…

I’m having one of those days when my emotions feel like they might sink me. It’s like all the feelings I usually keep in check have escaped & flooded the room. It’s hard to breathe or concentrate on anything other than keeping my head above water.

Luckily, I’m a strong swimmer. I know the worst thing one can do when in rough waters is panic. I need to take deep breaths whenever possible & focus on getting to dry land. All of which means sunday hit me a little harder than I expected. Mother’s Day always gives me pause, but this time last year I was pregnant. Now, here I am, still childless. Still trying not to lose hope. It does feel hopeless at times. When all the hurt & negativity bubbles up it is hard to see a point. What am I doing? Where is life taking me?

That is when I have to reach for reason. I must force myself to get sickeningly, happy clappy. In short, I count blessings. There are many & if it doesn’t make you cringe too much, I’m going to share a few.

Love. I have love in my life.

I have many beautiful little people.

Potatoes. Boiled, roasted, chipped, baked, in scones! A world with potatoes can not be all bad.

I have a very big & very comfortable bed.

And someone I like rolling around in it with.

I’m smart. I’m funny. I’m pretty fucking tough.

I was lucky enough to be born in a place that offers me safety.

I adopted the very best puss cat.

I have access to quality healthcare.

I got to be young in the 90’s.

I’ve seen the sunset on a beach in Corfu, cuddled a koala in Brisbane, watched fireworks from castle ramparts in St Malo, walked in The Beatles footsteps in Hamburg, ice skated in a snowing Central Park, got so wasted I lost one shoe in Amsterdam & so much more.

I have sung beloved babies to sleep.

Watched them take first steps & their personalities unfold.

I have a roof over my head.

Food in my belly.

Some really cool shoes.

And plenty to look forward to.

I don’t have everything, but what I do have adds up to enough. Life goes on. Life is good.

Homeward Bound….

I have a recurring dream.

A dream of such contentment that whilst asleep I am cradled in bliss. 

It’s a simple dream,

I am home, in bed.

The room is dark, but lit with a blue glow,

I feel a gentle breeze

& the happy purr of my cat vibrates beside me. 

My hand rests on my firm, round belly,

caressing the life that resides within.

In the distance I hear Simon & Garfunkel singing about where love lies waiting.

I am blanketed in happiness.

As the music grows closer,

I approach reality.

I bask in the feeling for a few magical seconds before sadness drowns me.

I realise as I rise to start my day where home is for me

And how much I long to be,

Homeward bound. 

Mamma Mia….

With Mother’s Day fast approaching I wanted to take a little time to honour the amazing woman who is my Mum. 

With parents usually being our biggest early influences an awesome mother goes a long way in creating an awesome woman. I am lucky enough to have just such motherly figure. From the very beginning she taught me that I had strength, power & choice. Leading by example my Mum raised four children before returning to work & forging a successful career. In doing so she proved  that women need not be just one thing. All choices are valid & none are final. 

My Mum takes control, she speaks her mind & she owns her opinions. Growing up with a woman like this allowed me not to be cowed. The fact that I could always rely on her support & acceptance allowed me to grow into the person I am. She instilled the confidence in me to not only be who I want to be, but to be vocal & unashamed about it. I doubt my Mum would describe herself as a feminist, but she certainly helped forge the radical feminist I have become. 

Basically, my Mum is amazing. She is glamorous, independent, funny, loyal & supportive. Above all, she is always there. I can rely on her to be there for my disasters & triumphs. I know she will always be fighting in my corner. 



I love you, Mum. Thank you. 

If your Mum is also one in a million, don’t forget to spoil her this Mother’s Day. Why not enter Parkdean’s Mother’s Day competition & win a relaxing break for your fabulous Mum.