I’m having one of those days when my emotions feel like they might sink me. It’s like all the feelings I usually keep in check have escaped & flooded the room. It’s hard to breathe or concentrate on anything other than keeping my head above water.
Luckily, I’m a strong swimmer. I know the worst thing one can do when in rough waters is panic. I need to take deep breaths whenever possible & focus on getting to dry land. All of which means sunday hit me a little harder than I expected. Mother’s Day always gives me pause, but this time last year I was pregnant. Now, here I am, still childless. Still trying not to lose hope. It does feel hopeless at times. When all the hurt & negativity bubbles up it is hard to see a point. What am I doing? Where is life taking me?
That is when I have to reach for reason. I must force myself to get sickeningly, happy clappy. In short, I count blessings. There are many & if it doesn’t make you cringe too much, I’m going to share a few.
Love. I have love in my life.
I have many beautiful little people.
Potatoes. Boiled, roasted, chipped, baked, in scones! A world with potatoes can not be all bad.
I have a very big & very comfortable bed.
And someone I like rolling around in it with.
I’m smart. I’m funny. I’m pretty fucking tough.
I was lucky enough to be born in a place that offers me safety.
I adopted the very best puss cat.
I have access to quality healthcare.
I got to be young in the 90’s.
I’ve seen the sunset on a beach in Corfu, cuddled a koala in Brisbane, watched fireworks from castle ramparts in St Malo, walked in The Beatles footsteps in Hamburg, ice skated in a snowing Central Park, got so wasted I lost one shoe in Amsterdam & so much more.
I have sung beloved babies to sleep.
Watched them take first steps & their personalities unfold.
I have a roof over my head.
Food in my belly.
Some really cool shoes.
And plenty to look forward to.
I don’t have everything, but what I do have adds up to enough. Life goes on. Life is good.
4 thoughts on “Cold water surrounds me now…”
This is so beautiful. I am sorry you’re going through a difficult time, but with your uplifting attitude, I do not doubt that you’ll come through stronger and braver!
Hang in there. You are amazing. x
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